Unless you’re dead, or possibly comatose, you have probably heard that Apple recently released something known as the iPad.

It’s a tablet computer…about the same size as my Kindle DX, but able to do basically the same thing that can be done on an iPhone or iPod touch.  And then some. 

I am no lover of Apple products.  They are obscenely overpriced, overdesigned, and, in many cases, underperforming.  I spent over $1000 on iPhones, none of which actually allowed me to make phone calls.  I purchased three iPods in my day, two of which died after less than 18 months of use, and one of which had to be sent back four times for repair.   Anyone who tells you that Apple computers never crash has never actually used one.  I considered buying a Mac Pro for my recording studio, but it would have cost me $3,800 to buy the machine.  To buy a comparable Windows-based machine, I spent $1,050.  (And, by the way, this particular machine has NEVER crashed…I’m just sayin’).  I could have purchased 3.7 new computers for the cost of a single Mac.

(Side note: I have less-than-rosy feelings about products by Apple’s operating system competitor as well.  Suffice it to say, however, I will not use my blog to point out what I consider to be flaws in the products created by the company that pays my bills.  Let’s just say that all technology companies have their own problems, and sometimes, those problems are myriad.)

When the iPad was first announced a few months ago, I had to say that I wasn’t particularly thrilled by the concept.  I like where Apple is trying to go with the device, but I don’t want a giant iPod touch.  And I joined in with the rest of the world making fun of one of the worst product names of all time.  (My personal favorite:  "I’m going to wait to buy an iPad until Apple comes out with the larger version: the Max iPad.") 

Despite my relative distaste for Apple products (and moreover, Apple Fanboys), I had a chance to play around with one of these tablets for a while and I came away mildly impressed.  It does many things well (although it can only do one of them at a time), it’s relatively well designed, and most of all, it’s a new category of device.  It’s not meant to replace the phone or the computer, but sit somewhere in between.  On the weekend of the release, I actually toyed around with buying one. 

See, it’s not that I really wanted an iPad, but I’m one of those early adopters.  I like to have the new stuff before everyone else does.  I was the first person I knew who owned a DVD player, for instance.  I was a very early adopter of the TiVo.  I got a digital SLR camera VERY early on in their life cycles.  The iPad is something new, and I wanted to be a part of the cultural phenomenon. 

But as the weekend progressed, and I mulled this over in my mind, I came to a pretty significant realization: I do not want or need any new screens in my life.

I wake up every morning and the first thing I do before I even get out of bed is roll over, pick up my phone, and check my email, Facebook, and Twitter.  I go to work where I have (literally) five computer monitors at my desk and I spend all day long staring at computer monitors.  I come home, and I pull out my Kindle, head into the recording studio, and work on my audiobooks.  Then I sit down in front of my two computer monitors at home and write blog posts, edit my audiobooks, surf the net.  Sometimes, I’ll take my camera (which has a screen) outside and take some pictures.  Then I’ll come back in and edit photos on my computer.  And when it’s all said and done, I sit down in front of my 42" television and watch TV, Movies, or play Video Games.  Then, the very last thing I do before I lay down at night is check my email, Facebook, and Twitter on my phone before I set the alarm and go to sleep.  My life, from the moment I wake up until the moment I go to bed, is spent in front of screens.

And that, to me, is the real shortcoming of the iPad–at its heart, it is nothing more than another screen.  The iPad doesn’t replace any of the screens already in my life.  It can’t replace my phone.  There’s now way it will replace my computer–at least not for several generations.  If given the choice of watching TV on a 10" tablet or a 42" high-def TV on my comfy sofa with a surround sound system, I’m going to pick the TV.  It can’t replace my kindle because I can’t read books on blacklit LCD screens–it gives me terrible headaches and eye strain.  (Heck, if I have to read something more than just a few pages long, I still print it up and read it on paper.)  All the iPad would be is another very expensive screen that I would need to find a way to cram into my life.  There’s NOTHING that I can do on the iPad that I can’t do just as easily, if not more so, on one of the other devices already in my life.  And the limitations of the iPad–in particular the requirement that I use iTunes, one of the slowest, most bloated, ugly, unmanageable, and laggy pieces of software I’ve ever run in my life (which is saying something when you remember where I work…) to access the device mean that I have even less desire.

(Side note: in proofreading this blog post, I realized that I typed ‘iPod" when I meant "iPad" about 80% of the time.  Another reason why the name is so annoying.)

I can see where the tablet computer concept would be very handy for some people: those who travel a lot, those who use imagery as part of their profession (photographers, artists, designers, etc.).  For people who aren’t bothered by reading on backlit screens, the iPad would be a phenomenal eBook reader.  But for most people, and most uses, I think people are buying into the expertly generated Apple Hype™ and buying the iPad because it’s the cool thing to do.  As the tablet PC ecosystem expands, I believe that many companies, including Apple, will find ways to help the tablet expand its usability and functionality, but I don’t think that most people will end up using the iPad as much as they think they will.  I think folks will drop their $800 (!) on an iPad, play with it incessantly for the first few weeks, and then I think it will become just another device that only gets pulled out every once in a while.  Until Apple, or some other company, can create a device without so many usage restrictions, I just don’t see the need for this in my life.

So, to answer the question I’m sure you’ve been asking yourselves since the iPad came out: no, I will not be buying one.  At least not now.  And not for what they’re charging.  And probably not for this first generation of devices.  I have already thrown such a huge part of life away staring at pixels on screens for hours and days and months and years on end.  I don’t need anything else that encourages me to do so even more often.  If I get the urge to go and buy an iPad, I will just go for a walk.  Because honestly, it’s about time I stopped living my life through the false images transmitted to me via Liquid Crystal Displays and started living life in person. 

For me, that’s the truly revolutionary new thing.