When it comes to people, it’s often hard to get below the surface. People don’t often let you get to know their true selves. And sometimes, that’s tragic. Because sometimes, a person’s true self is glorious and wonderful, and far more deep, profound, or moving than the face they present to the world. On the outside, they may look like they stumbled out of bed with a hangover and directly onto the pages of PeopleOfWalmart.com, while on the inside, they are rainbows and unicorns.
And sometimes, it’s probably better that you can’t see past the surface because on the outside, they may look like this:
While on the inside, they are like this:
Of course, I exaggerate. Even my Inner Fat Emo Kid would never pierce his lower lip or wear pigtails. Tres gauche.
No, my Inner Fat Emo Kid and I are pretty darn close. And we’ve been a lot closer lately. He has been blasting his death metal and writing sad poems in his journal alone, moping in his room a lot. This is nothing new, of course. My Inner Fat Emo Kid has been doing this steadily since 1994, when I was 16 years old, and I discovered that the world is always a more tragic place when you’re driving through the late-night streets and empty cemetery of Albion in a 1989 Mercury Grand Marquis LS. (And my goodness…you should see home of the horrific emo poetry I wrote back then. Huh-larious.)
Of course, back then, Inner Fat Emo Kid wasn’t so inner, and he wasn’t so fat. But still just as emo. Or rather, as emo as a clean-cut, red-headed, Mormon kid wearing a purple shirt, mustard yellow shorts, and black and brown loafers with white socks can be. (Geez, that’s a mental image I wish I could erase. Thank goodness there are no photos of that, or I wouldn’t be able to keep myself from posting them on the blog. Inner Fat Emo Kid loves suffering.)
As I’ve gotten older, Inner Fat Emo Kid still manages to mope around every now and again. But these days, he’s a little less Emo, and a little more Fat. And, I hope at least, a lot more inner. Except of course, when summer finally goes away, and I find myself staring at the prospect of another long, dark, and wet winter. Then he’s much more emo, much more fat, and a whole lot less inner.
That’s right! All of that pictorial diatribe above was simply for me to complain about the weather! Well that, and Halloween.
My hatred of the miserable “holiday” called Halloween has been well-documented here and here. My feelings on the subject have not changed, but have, in fact, strengthened. And I think I understand why. Halloween falls into a bit of a happiness black hole. During the summer, the sun is out, the days are long, it’s warm(ish) and dry(ish). People are suffused with an excess of Vitamin D. There are flowers, sunshine, and lollipops. Well, maybe not the lollipops. But there are popsicles. And in England, they’re called Ice Lollies, so that’s close enough. But it’s Summer! And summer is awesome.
And then in November, it’s okay to start decorating for Christmas. (And don’t you dare even start with me.) And there’s Thanksgiving, when even Inner Fat Emo Kid can make himself so full of yummy food that there’s no room left for the Emo. And after that, there’s Christmas. And Christmas is the calendar equivalent to unicorns pooping rainbows and glitter. It’s the most awesome thing ever. And it makes me happy, and it has great music. And it doesn’t matter that daylight only lasts 17 minutes because there are twinkling lights and pine-scented candles and the promise of presents and going home to visit family and letting my mom do the dishes for two weeks because she is apparently the only person in the Universe who actually knows how to load the dishwasher correctly so instead I get to go downstairs and play video games while she cleans up the kitchen.
But Halloween just falls smack-dab into the right armpit of the year. (The left armpit is the Late February-Late March kill-me-now-if-I-don’t-see-some-sunlight-or-flowers corridor.) Summer’s over, but the real holidays haven’t started yet. It’s too early to decorate for Christmas, and it’s too cold and wet to enjoy being outdoors.
But seriously, this year, I have noticed a major shift in my mood when summer came to its very abrupt end. I’ve been working very hard to keep myself busy, and to enjoy what little sunlight is still available to me, but I’m a bit worried about how I’m going to manage to cope through the upcoming winter. Normally, the beautiful Seattle summers are enough to keep me going, but the last two years we’ve had very poor, cold, wet summers in comparison to what I witnessed the first two years I was here. It didn’t start until mid to late July, and was over by the first week of September.
So, I’m going to try a few things differently this year to try to stave off the Seasonal Affective Disorder of Doom™ that I can feel sneaking toward me on little hippopotamus feet.
#1 Must. Keep. Exercising. I started swimming several miles in July. I lost a bunch of weight really quickly, and had a lot more energy. I was actually getting up and going swimming before work. I have not been able to keep that up as the days are getting shorter. I’m a rise-with-the-sun kind of person, and it’s been very, very difficult for me to get when it’s still completely dark outside. And going after work is pretty much not going to happen. Once my shoes come off after a long day of work, I’m not goin’ anywhere. Except maybe to the apartment complex hot tub to soak for a few. (Note to self: Go soak in the hot tub).
#2 Eat Better. October is very bad month for Matt nutritionally. And I can attribute it to one thing:
Look. I know it’s horrible for me, but I don’t care. They start putting those damn little monopoly pieces on the 10-piece Chicken McNugget box, and I will go all SuperSize Me. (PS. Did you ever notice that McDonalds doesn’t use the term Supersize anymore?) So far, I have won 300 Coca-Cola Points, a $5 Wal-Mart Gift Certificate (Megan, I’ll give this to you because I don’t have a Wal-Mart in my area, and even if I did, I wouldn’t shop there. But you’re strong enough to withstand the evil so I’ll bring it down when I come for Christmas), 20 4×6 Photo prints from Snapfish, and a $40 Tiger Wood 2012 Master Xbox Game. Oh, and a Medium Fry, two breakfast sandwiches, and two quarter pounders. Once this orgy of fried foods is over in two weeks (*cough*) I’m back to healthy eating.
#3 Modern Pharmaceuticals. (And don’t worry…I totally had to look up how to spell pharmaceuticals.) This year, I don’t care what anyone says. I am not going to go through this winter on my own. I don’t believe I need the help of any prescription friends yet, but I’m all about the herbal supplements and all that crap. Melatonin, Vitamin D, St. John’s Wort, Monkey Placenta…I don’t care. I will take it all. Load me up with as many pills as needed. Hell, if I have to start chugging 4 Loko and 5-Hour Energy, I will do it. If Nature can’t provide me with what I need to make it through this Winter, then Amazon.com will.
#4 Light Box. I’m pretty seriously considering getting one of those full-spectrum light boxes that you shine in your face for 30 minutes a day to help wake you up. To be honest, it sounds like a scam…especially considering how stinking expensive the dang things are, but I’ll give it a go. Especially if someone buys me one. I’ve got one picked out already and it’s even on my Amazon wishlist—your one-stop shopping destination for buying me Christmas presents!
#5 Create. Look, I’m miserable, fat, tired, and cranky. So, instead of falling into the trap of doing what would come naturally (i.e., becoming a right-wing radio talk show host), I’m going to try to direct what’s left of my energy toward being creative. Writing songs, finishing my book, recording an audiobook, taking more photos. I’m sure that all of my creative efforts will reek of Inner Fat Emo Kid, but that’s okay. At least he’ll be so busy being tragic that he won’t be able to completely drag me down all winter.
And if all else fails, I suppose I could always dress up as my Inner Fat Emo Kid for Halloween.
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