A Labor-Free Day

Being Existential, Food, Gratitude, Living It Up, Pictures, Ramblings View Comments
Sep 062010

Sometimes, I think the universe just understands when I need a little break.  Like this weekend, for instance.

I’ve been, not busy per se, but erstwhile occupied.  I’ve been doing a lot of things I have to do instead of things I want to do and, as a result, I’ve not had much in the way of "down" time.  Work has been going along well enough, and I finally feel as though I’m starting to fit into my place in the company a little more than I have previously.  I’ve got my first 1-on-1 with my boss tomorrow, though, so I guess I’ll find out if my assessment of the situation matches his…

My audiobook company, Open Book Audio, has begun to change shape a little bit.  Originally envisioned as an audiobook production company, my business partner and I have started morphing the company away from a production model and toward a distribution model.  So, toward that end, I have been spending almost all of my non-work time in front of the computer designing and programming the new Open Book Audio store.  (I keep linking them here on my blog to help drive the search engines to the site, so forgive the repetition).  I’m quite pleased with the way the store has turned out, and the platform upon which the entire site, including the store, is built is an extremely flexible and easy to use one.  We’ve already started listing products from other publishers, and we’re hoping to increase that number significantly over the next couple of years.  We’re also in talks with the major retailers (Audible, iTunes, eMusic, etc.) to get our titles listed in those services.  (It’s like pulling teeth, but we’re well on our way.)

So, Friday night, all day Saturday, and almost all day Sunday, I sat in front of my computer immersed in CSS, PHP, HTML, and LMNOP.  (That last one is fake, by the way.)  Last Sunday night, I finally launched the work I’d been doing for the last month, and actually went to sleep not making a mental list of the things I needed to work on tomorrow.  It is extremely fortuitous that Monday was a holiday, otherwise, I wouldn’t have had much of a weekend at all.

This morning, although the weather was, shall we say, less than idyllic, I decided that it was time to have some fun for a change.  So I did.  I took Luke for a walk, and ate breakfast.  Then, after looking through a Facebook album of one of my friends where pretty much everyone in the group of people looked like Abercrombie and Fitch models (and wore about the same amount of clothing), I decided that I would go run on the treadmill for about 30 minutes.  I came back, took a shower, got dressed, unfriended my Facebook friend with the posse of buff gym rats, and then grabbed my camera.

I haven’t gone shooting in months.  Too many other distractions.  Work, Open Book Audio, the new piano…they didn’t leave much time for shooting pictures.  This time, I decided that, rather than drive all over the place trying to find some amazing vista to photograph, I’d stay within the city limit of Redmond.  I’m glad I did, because I found a beautiful little spot that I had no idea even existed. 

IMG_2430_1_2

Right near the city’s campus (city hall, police station, senior center) there’s a river trail that runs alongside the Sammamish river.  Summer’s just starting to come to a close, so there are still some flowering plants, and everything’s green.  I can tell that it’s going to be spectacular when fall comes, though.  It was so isolated and quiet.  I actually climbed across the river on that old abandoned train track you can see in the photo, and walked back up the other side of the river where I found this guy just plodding along in the river:

IMG_2545-Edit

If you will allow me to wax grateful for a moment:  I am so grateful that I moved to the Seattle area.  The first year and a half were very difficult for me up here, and there are moments (October through May) where I can’t help but ask myself what I’ve done to move to a place where the sun only shines 17 days out of a year.  But I love, love, love Redmond.  It’s so beautiful and peaceful.  It feels like a small town (albeit a very sophisticated one) with easy access to big-city accommodations.  It really is the best of both worlds.  Where else can you walk out your door to see a bald eagle or a great blue heron, and then drive five minutes to thousands of restaurants, art galleries, movie theaters, and more shopping than you can shake a stick at?  I just wish I could afford to buy a house here.  At the very least, I hope I never lose my job, because I never want to leave the Pacific Northwest.  I’ve lived all over the country, and no place compares with this gorgeous, wonderful place.

Once the very relaxing photo walk was over, I came home, took a nap, made homemade pizza, a loaf of bread, and a homemade razzleberry pie.  (Raspberries, Blueberries, and fresh-picked blackberries from the vines just outside my apartment).  Then I watched an episode of Bones (thanks Netflix!), practiced the Maple Leaf Rag on the piano,  and now here I am.  Oh yeah, and I played about an hour of Angry Birds on my iPad.  Fun game.

I’m the kind of person who, even when relaxing, has to be doing something.  The difference between relaxing and not relaxing is whether I’m doing something I WANT to be doing or something I HAVE to be doing.  And, honestly, many times, it’s the exact same activity.  I just have to be in the mood for it.

In fact, the only thing about today that wasn’t perfect was that I did the unthinkable: I let my cleaning lady go today.  She’s been picking up after me for over a year, and she was awesome.  Unfortunately, with the new piano and some of my other bills, I just can’t justify the $240 a month I spend to have her clean my house–particularly since I’m not a very messy person.  This will, unfortunately, eat into my relaxation time, but overall, I think it will be a positive change. 

I’ll be posting more photos as the week goes on.  I took about 400 shots, so I think I’ll have some good ones in there to play around with.  In the meantime, go to http://www.openbookaudio.com/store and buy an audiobook.  It’ll do you good.  And while you’re doing that, I’m going to go and scoop up a bit of vanilla bean ice cream and place it over a piece of still-warm razzleberry pie.  Happy Labor Day!

Posted by Matt at 6:08 pm Tagged with: , , , ,

Goodbye to summer, Hello to Joplin

Being Existential, Music, Ramblings View Comments
Aug 292010

So, I know I haven’t been blogging very much lately because I’ve been wanting to enjoy summer instead of actually sitting in front of my computer.

Well, I think it’s safe to say that I will probably start blogging more often. Because, I am afraid, that summer is over! I know that summer generally is supposed to last until September 21 or 22nd, but in Seattle summer lasts about three weeks.

I’m sad that summer is almost over, seeing as how we only got about five days of it. But, I am actually kind of ready for summer to be over because as the rain starts to come in, I’ll actually have the desire to spend the time inside to do what it is I need to do on the weekends . For instance, I spent most of the day on Saturday and Sunday this week sitting in front of my computer working on the website for my company. We’re going to be launching a new store soon, and a whole new distribution service, and since it was raining outside I figured it was as good as time as any to work on the website.

I’ve also been playing my piano a lot. I forgot how much fun it was to play piano when I didn’t have to play piano, but when I got to choose to play the piano. I’ve been playing a lot of classical music, including Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata, Claire De Lune by Debussy, and other sonatinas and preludes by Chopin. But the thing that I’ve been enjoying the most, is the maple leaf rag by Scott Joplin.

I know buying a piano with what was, essentially, my retirement fund was a bad idea. Intellectually, I know this to be true. Emotionally, however, I am really glad I bought the piano. It’s hard to explain how important having a piano has become to me in the last couple of weeks, but having it here and available to play whenever I get the urge, has been a really relaxing thing. Even though it requires electricity, it’s one of the few things I do that doesn’t require a computer screen of some kind.

There are just too many screens in my life. I wake up, and the first thing I do is look at my phone. I watch TV while I eat. I sit in front of a computer all day long at work. When I come home, I watch TV again. Then I’ll sit in front of my computer for two or three hours. I spent most of my day in front of the screen of some kind. I spent so much time looking at screens that sometimes I feel like I forget what the real world looks like.

In addition to keeping me away from computer screens, playing the piano is helping me reconnect with skills I forgot I had. And I feel better at playing the piano now than I did when I was playing actively. I seem to be able to pick up new songs more quickly, and much more accurately than I have been able to in the past. My fingers are more agile and I think, more than anything else, in the intervening years between taking piano lessons and now, I’ve learned how to focus and how to practice. Before, I was most interested in getting to the point where I can play the song rather than getting to the point where I can play the song well. This is especially true because I was playing songs I didn’t really enjoy all that much.

Now that I get to pick the songs I play I enjoy it a lot more. When I was young, my mom would have to time to me on the kitchen oven timer for 30 min. every single day for my piano practice. And it was a fight. These days, it’s not uncommon for me to sit down to piano for two or three hours in the course of the day and just play for the fun of it. It’s been very relaxing and very centering. And the best thing is, because I can put in headphones, I can play later at night which is when I play best.

In any case, yes, I will be paying off this piano for many years to come. But, I think it was worth it. Now, whether that justifies spending the money right at this point in my life, I can’t say. But, at least I know longer feel buyer’s remorse over this purchase. And since the sun is gone for what will probably be another 8 1/2 months, I’ll have a lot of extra time to practice playing the piano.

And maybe someday, someone will actually come up here to visit me and we’ll get to hear me play. (I’m talking to you mom and dad).

Side note: I apologize for any grammatical errors or spelling errors in this blog post. There are likely more than usual. I’m testing out the new dictation feature on my computer and thought I’d dictate a blog post to see if it was faster than typing it out. Turns out, it is.

Posted by Matt at 11:42 pm Tagged with: , , , ,

Under Construction

Living It Up, Ramblings, The Technology Whore View Comments
Aug 192010

So, things are looking a little different here at One Off.  I've finally started getting around to making some updates.  This new WordPress theme I'm using is sick in the number of configurable options it has, and I've not yet decided on what I want and don't want on the page.

Some of the changes I've made:

  • I've added the categories of the posts as a series of tabbed menus across the top.
  • New header image…not sure if it's quite what I'm going after, but at least it's something
  • New widgets and cleaned up the ones already there.  Not sure how I feel about the whole widget thing…still trying to sort it out a bit.
  • Changed the color scheme slightly
  • Implemented Google Analytics, so I will have irrefutable proof that there are five people who visit my blog.
  • Changed commenting systems.

The last one is the biggest change.  I've decided to implement the Disqus commenting system.  It will let you log in with an OpenID, Facebook, Twitter, or Yahoo Email login, and post comments that way.  It allows for threaded messages and replies, and gives me a much better and more flexible comment monitoring system.  I'm still tweaking it, but I'll be sticking with Disqus for the time being.

More changes to come, I'm sure.

Posted by Matt at 11:41 pm

A Problem of Guilt

Ramblings View Comments
Aug 162010

It’s time for therapy blogging with Matt.  Tonight’s topic: Guilt.

I have a problem with guilt.

All the time.  Even when things are going well and right, I feel guilty. 

Tonight, while I was playing the piano, my mind began to wander (as it often does when I’m playing the piano), and I remembered back to a day in my sixth grade English class with Mr. Soltis.  We were doing a vocabulary lesson where we had to take our spelling words for the week, and place them into sentences.  In my hormone-addled Jr. High School mind (Jr. High is the armpit of human existence) I thought it would be funny to use the vocabulary words to poke fun at Mr. Soltis himself.

Now, normally, I was a pretty good kid in school.  I didn’t sass the teachers or cause problems in class.  It was exceptionally rare that a teacher got mad at me…at least to the point that they let it show.  But Mr. Soltis was my neighbor from across the street.  His daughter and I were in the same age and knew each other pretty well.  I felt like he would understand my playing around.  So, I started writing these mild jabs using my vocabulary words. 

Eventually, when it came time for us to read our examples, I started reading through mine.  Being a class full of Jr. High kids, they laughed at my jokes, which was really what I was after.  Mr. Soltis, however, didn’t find it funny.  He exploded and told me that I was so cynical, and to stop reading.  I was mortified.  I just wanted to have a little fun.

I relate this story not because I think that the story itself is particularly interesting, but more because it illustrates a problem that I’ve carried with me for my entire life.  I still, to this day, feel guilty about it.  Mr. Soltis’ class was my third class of the day, and I remember trudging home feeling horrible about making him mad.  I even confessed to my parents because I felt so bad.

It’s not uncommon for me to involuntarily recall various moments of my life that make me feel guilty: the time my mom found a piece of "erotica" in my pocket that I had written as part of a meme in my highschool where my circle of friends were writing filthy letters to "Dear Diary," the times I’ve destroyed friendships, the lies I’ve told to people who trusted me, the times I’ve failed to keep my commitments.  They just flow like water.

I don’t really understand where my nearly crippling sense of guilt comes from, or why it has become such a demon in my life.  But it’s omnipresent for me.  I seem to remember every single thing that I’ve ever done wrong, and I feel terrible about it.  I’ve got a mental catalog that I am able to pull out at a moment’s notice and flog myself over.

This wellspring of guilt has, of course, managed to shape my life pretty significantly–particularly in regards to those issues surrounding my sexuality and, even moreso, my participation (or lack thereof) in church.  I spent most of my life feeling guilty about not being able to get married and have kids and be the "ideal" the Mormon man.  I felt insane levels of guilt every time I struggled with feelings I didn’t choose or couldn’t control.  When I decided to take a step back from participation in church and re-evaluate my life a little, I felt guilty.  I still feel guilty that I’ve disappointed my parents and family members.

Guilt has been such an overriding emotion (is it an emotion?) in my life.  I was so worried about doing something wrong, I feel like I’ve missed out on a lot of experiences.

Does anyone else feel like this?  What do you do to get around it? Because I would really like to stop feeling like the Reverend Arthur Dimmesdale and figure out a way to live my day-to-day life without having to flog myself with a mental cat-o-nine-tails.

Posted by Matt at 10:47 pm

Random Thoughts for a Sunday

Food, Gratitude, Ramblings, Television View Comments
Aug 152010

I have been having a BLAST reacquainting myself with playing the piano.  Even doing my scales and exercises, which I used to loathe.  Something happened between the time I graduated from BYU, and the time I started at Walden, in which I learned how to study, practice, and concentrate.  Although, to be fair, the MDT program at BYU does very little to force studiousness on its students.  I’m quite glad I bought the piano.  I’m playing at least 1-2 hours ever day, and loving it.  Pretty soon, I’m hoping to get started on one of my lifelong goals: playing Rhapsody in Blue.

***

Is there really anything in this world more perfect than Lime sorbet in the middle of a hot summer day?  It’s about the most easy thing in the world to make, but just so sublime in the heat.

***

Speaking of heat, it’s been HOT here the last couple of days.  Well, hot for Seattle, anyway.  (It doesn’t take much to be considered hot here, because nobody has air conditioning.  But it’s been in the low-to-mid 90s.  That’s too warm.

***

Nothing makes Luke the dog happier than being in the water.  He’s a water dog, through and through.  I don’t like taking him swimming very often, though.  And, surprisingly, it’s not the wet dog smell–although I wouldn’t consider that pleasant.  No, the reason why I don’t like taking Luke the Dog swimming is because he swallows so much water than he has to be taken out for potty breaks every 30 minutes for the next three hours otherwise he’ll go in the house.  He never has accidents inside the house, but if I ignore him at all after his swimming, then we have a problem.  So, an hour of swimming turns into a total of four hours where I can’t really do anything else.

***

Have I mentioned how much I love my piano?

***

I have FINALLY gotten my studio and my bedroom switched out, the studio rewired, and the two rooms cleaned up and back to a pseudo-normal state.  I just have to switch the stuff in the bathrooms, and then this little adventure will be complete.

***

I’ve decided it’s time to SERIOUSLY declutter my life.  I’m going to be personally stocking the shelves of the Goodwill for the next six months with the crap that I’m getting rid of.  So far I’ve thrown away or donated:

  • Queen Boxspring and Mattress Frame
  • Four Pair of Shoes
  • Three sets of sheets
  • Four pillows
  • Two pair of jeans
  • Four pair of shorts
  • 30 pairs of socks
  • Old medicines
  • A couple of duffle bags
  • A Netbook Computer
  • Dozens of boxes for my electronics
  • About 500 pounds of extra computer cabels
  • An extra blender and steame
  • Over 150 DVDs
  • All of my remaining CDs
  • Most of my printed books
  • Some T-Shirts
  • A bunch of old electronics manuals

It’s freeing to get rid of so much stuff so quickly.  Usually, the only time I get rid of this much is when I’m moving…and since I have no intention of doing that again for a LONG time, this was as good a time as any.

***

It’s time for me to start work on my next audiobook.  This one’s going to be fun to do.  I’m going to see if I can’t get it done more quickly this time around.  Should be a little easier now that So You Think You Can Dance is over for the season.

***

Speaking of TV, the only show that I’m watching right now is Warehouse 13.  There’s nothing coming up that interests me this fall, and I’m burned out on most of the other stuff I used to watch.   So, I’ve decided that, in addition to catching the whole series of West Wing, I’m also going to start watching all the old episodes of Star Trek: The Next Generation.  I always liked that show growing up, but I’ve never watched all of them.  Should be a fun little trip down memory lane. 

***

Wow.  Random thoughts are random.

Posted by Matt at 11:14 am

Insert Trenchant Blog Title Here

Ramblings View Comments
Aug 122010

I am exhausted.

When I bought Lillias, I realized that I needed to do some rearranging to fit her into my studio.  That’s not a huge deal for me because I’m one of those people who needs to rip out all their cables every six months and rewire in a constantly losing effort to keep my cable runs organized.  So, I pulled apart my recording equipment, moved the futon around, and generally just prepared some room for Lillias.

Wednesday morning arrived, and sure enough, Lillias would fit through the door into the studio.  At all.  So I had the movers leave her in the living room which is really NOT where I wanted her to be) and I went to work.  While at work, I mulled over my options, and realized that I had only two.  I could leave Lillias in the living room, or I could swap my studio and my bedroom.  So, I called on a friend to help, and when I got home Wednesday night, we moved all my bedroom furniture out of the bedroom, moved all the studio furniture into the old bedroom, and then moved the bedroom furniture into the old studio.  And then we moved Lillias. 

Let me just take a moment to state that, although Lillias is a digital (albeit a hybrid one) piano, she weighs every single bit as much as an acoustic spinnet piano.  Which is to say: a blue ton.

That meant that, when I went to bed last night, it looked as though my apartment had been set upon by a pack of rabid dogs on acid.  There were cables EVERYWHERE.  (I probably have enough cables in my apartment that, if they were laid end to end, they would reach the moon.)  I also decided that, while I was in the midst of rearranging my life, I might as well start doing my spring cleaning.  I’ve been really wanting to start getting rid of a lot of stuff.  So I pulled over 150 of my DVDs and have them in the car to go to Goodwill.  I’m throwing away my extra box spring and bed frame, I got rid of old towels, comforters, sheets, blankets, and more.  I’m getting rid of the boxes for much of my electric gadgetry. 

So, tonight, I spent the whole night trying to continue  my cleanup, hanging the sound absorption panels in my studio, boxing up the stuff for Goodwill, doing the week’s worth of dishes sitting in the kitchen, and starting to wire up my studio…a project that usually takes a few days to fully complete. 

So basically, I moved yesterday and unpacked today.  I wasn’t planning on moving again so soon.  Now I must sleep.

Posted by Matt at 11:09 pm

I Know What I Did Last Weekend

Ramblings View Comments
Aug 082010

Man, what a weekend.  It was all kinds of self-inflicted busy, but it was great.  To recap:

  • I wrote another new song and it’s one of my favorites so far.  Once I get my voice back, I’m going to videotape (except no actual tape will be involved) myself playing it and I’ll put it up on the internets.
  • I went to the Farmer’s Market
  • I went grocery shopping
  • I finished painting my office
  • I did some cleanup on the Open Book Audio Website
  • I launched a new podcast of Open Book Audio’s O, Pioneers by Willa Cather
  • I started playing a new video game (Tom Clancy’s Splinter Cell: Conviction–it’s pretty sweet)
  • I read half of The Candy Shop Wars by Brandon Mull, author of the amazing Fablehaven series.  (Seriously, if you’re a Harry Potter fan, you have to read Fablehaven.)
  • I baked a blueberry pie from scratch
  • I threw away the blueberry pie because it turned out more like Blueberry soup with a slimy crust.
  • I baked another blueberry pie from scratch
  • I made my world-famous black bean and avacado salsa
  • I made a pizza
  • I made Lime Sorbet
  • I bought a piano  (This one requires an entirely separate blog post…stay tuned)
  • I did five loads of laundry
  • I did four loads of dishes (as a result of all of the cooking)
  • I started learning Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata
  • I watched two episodes of Bones, three of The Simpsons, two of Holmes on Homes
  • I watched half of the documentary Young @ Heart
  • Went to the dog park with the dog twice
  • I paid my bills
  • Balanced the Open Book Audio Accounts
  • I took four naps

If this weekend has taught me anything, it’s that my true calling in life (other than to be Lillias White) it’s that I need to marry a rich businessman and spend the rest of my days as a doting housewife.  (The rich thing is really important, because we all know how I am with money.)  I need to see if I can’t make that happen.  Despite that I was busy all weekend, I just feel so energized and ready for the work…which is good since I’m covering for one of my co-workers all work, and I’ll basically have a double-load of work this week.

I love the weekend!

Posted by Matt at 9:21 pm

A Little Update

Ramblings View Comments
Jul 132010

So, guess what?  I don’t know what to blog about!  I need ideas.

Or perhaps I need to just give up on the blog.  If I don’t have anything interesting to blog about, maybe it’s a sign that I’ve finally expressed everything interesting I have to express, and now I should just get off the ‘net instead of continuing to populate my blog with self-pitying ramblings and morose introspections.  I mean, honestly.  It’s not like I’m some pre-teen Twi-Hard or anything.

(I’m totally Team Jacob…um…I mean…)

In all seriousness, though, I’ve just not been leading a very interesting life lately.  I’m boring.  BORING.  So, to that end, I’m opening up the blog to questions.  Please, all three readers (I gained one!) ask me questions.  If your question is poignant, funny, enraging, or stupid enough, I may answer it.  Get me going on one of my trademark rants (easy).  Make me cry like a little girl (easier).  Make me feel guilty about my choice of lifestyle (easiest). 

Please ask away.  I want to write, but I’m not having a very easy time coming up with something.

My blog is in your hands.

Posted by Matt at 9:56 pm

Three Day Weekend

Movie Reviews, Ramblings View Comments
Jul 052010

I love three day weekends!  This weekend I

  • Finished the Open Book Audio Website (check it out!  http://www.openbookaudio.com)
  • Took Luke to the Dog Park
  • Gave Luke a Bath
  • Went to the Pet Store to get food and doggy toys
  • Took Luke to Dairy Queen for a Doggy Cone.  (If you have a dog and you didn’t know, you can get free doggy cones at the drive through for your puppy.)
  • Played Video Games
  • Ate Pizza (mmmm.  Pizza)
  • Started the next audiobook
  • Wrote 6,000 words of a new book I’m going to try and write
  • Bought and put together a new hamper.
  • Bought and “installed” new bedding and a memory foam mattress topper for when my sister comes to visit in 2 1/2 weeks.
  • Cleaned the closet
  • Paid off another credit card
  • Got Gasoline
  • Got my car washed and vacuumed
  • Went to Guitar Center twice and kept myself from buying anything both times
  • Finished watching the movie that has been acting as the blockage in the colon of my Netflix Queue for the last 3 months, The Curious Case of Benjamin Boredom.
  • Went Grocery Shopping
  • Took 4 naps

 

Just imagine what I could get done with a four-day weekend!

Posted by Matt at 11:58 pm

All the World’s a Stage

Ramblings View Comments
Jul 012010

The last couple of weeks, I’ve been pining.  I’ve been pining, not for the fjords, as some might assume (even though sometimes I do pine for the fjords because, well, have you ever seen them?  If you had, you’ve be pining too.)  But actually, I’m pining for theatre.  I want to get back on stage.

So, for those of you keeping track, it took slightly under five years for me to actually get to the point where I missed doing theater and wished that I could get back into it a little bit.  We all knew it would happen eventually, and now it has.

Back in Orem, Utah, there’s a little theater called the Hale Center Theatre.  I’ve never performed there, though I have seen several shows produced at the theater.  With one exception, all the shows that I saw there were good.  The one exception to that was Camelot.  Not that the production was bad, per se, but the show itself is just horrible.  Plus, I have a bad Camelot experience in my background.

When I was in high school, the US Marine Band came to my little town to do a concert.  Being a huge band nerd, I felt it was my duty to go.  I dragged my friend Jamelah over to the Albion Jr. High School Auditorium, and we listened to the concert.  It was a full concert band (like an orchestra without the strings) and four singers.  When the band played, it was fine, and the singers were talented.  They sang in that super-tight 4-part jazz harmony that is awesome in really small doses. 

In the middle of the concert, however, they decided to play the entire score to Camelot with these four singers in full military regalia “acting” out the parts.  It was beyond atrocious.  The performances were shallow and vapid, the “acting” was painful, the voices were wrong for the kind of music, and the score to Camelot has about as much charm as the cast of Jersey Shore.  It was the longest 17 months 45 minutes of my life.

Anyway, back to me wanting to perform.  The Hale is doing a special show right now.  They’re doing a production of 110 in the Shade and, for the first two weeks, the female lead is being played by Audra McDonald.  Audra has won both Tony and Grammy Awards, has been on Broadway, the TV Show Private Practice and starred in my personal favorite musical of all time, Ragtime.  I love her work.  And the fact that she’s taking time out of her schedule to do these performances in Orem, Utah to help a theater raise music is really, really cool.

And while I would love the opportunity to work with her, my real reason for wanting to do the show is actually much wider.  It’s being directed by one of my favorite people of all time, Dave Tinney…a director with whom, despite having taken classes from him (he gave me a GREAT grade in Choregoraphic Styles), been coached by him, taken master classes from him, eaten dinner at his house, recorded soundtracks for his shows, and been to his kids’ birthday parties, I’ve never had the opportunity to work with him as a director, and that makes me sad.  Theatrically, Dave is a genius, and I love working with genius.

Then there’s the cast.  This cast is FULL of my former classmates from BYU.  Kevin, who used to work for Aztec Showtrax and was at Tuacahn with me.   Natalie, who was in half of my classes, went to the New York Showcase, and was at Tuacahn with me. Laurel (Hi Laurel!) whose mom taught my modern dance classes but we never got to do any work together. Melissa L. who was part of a core group of friends that I used to love spending time with after graduation. Korianne, who got rejected right along with me the first time we auditioned for the MDT program, who was the best-even scene partner in The Fantastics, and who is maybe the awesomest voice teacher ever.  Melissa T. on the piano, who is one of the best accompanists I’ve ever known, and with whom I worked in the Box Office at Tuacahn (and who is moving up here in September!!!).  Having all of these people who I love and miss so much in the same show at the same time with an amazing director working with one of the most talented and respected women working in the theater world today.  It would have been an absolutely amazing experience,

But that was the problem with doing theater.  It’s hard to be able to pick and choose what you want to do.  Unless you’re insanely in demand, you often just take what comes along…and often, what comes along isn’t an amazing experience.  I know this deep down, but when I hear of these amazing life-changing theatrical experiences happening, and I’m not a part of them, I feel almost like I sold my soul by leaving behind the world. 

In a way, seeing my friends glow about this experience is really making me question my choice to leave that world behind.  I was blessed with some measure of talent in the world of musical theater, Maybe, because of that, I had a responsibility to use the talent I had been given and that I had worked to develop instead of shutting it down, sticking it in a box, and zipping up my corporate America straight jacket.  It’s the first time I’ve really questioned if I did the right thing by “retiring".”

(Heck, who’s to say that I would have even gotten cast if I had auditioned.  I know and like Dave, but it could be that he couldn’t stand me and wouldn’t have cast me anyway…)

So, Laurel, I know you read the blog occasionally, so I’ll direct this to you:  I’m SO FREAKING JEALOUS OF THE FACT THAT YOU GET TO DO THIS SHOW!  Please tell Dave, Natalie, Kevin, Rachel, Melissa, Korianne, and Melissa that I said hello, I’m so green with envy that people should start calling me Kermit, and that I miss them.  And anyone else who is in the show that I forgot here, but who would know me.  And I’m sure I don’t have to tell you this, but please make sure you have the time of your life doing this show.  Even after Audra leaves and Natalie takes over for her. 

End Scene.

Posted by Matt at 11:16 pm
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