Health » One Off

Help Needed: I’m In a Cooking Slump

Food, Health, Living It Up, Ramblings 1 Response »

Feb 062012

I normally like to cook. I used to be quite a good cook. But the last year or so, I’ve hit a rut. I’m so tired of cooking for just myself. It’s so much work for just one person, there’s so much mess, and I have so many other things I’d rather be doing. And it’s not like I could even pass of the work of cooking to someone else. Well, I suppose I can. It’s called the drive-thru. And I’m trying to limit myself lest I end up needing to go through the Drive-Thru in my Hoveround.

(You guys serious have no idea how much I have laughed at this crappy photochop over the last week. Just expect morbidly obese Matt to start making more appearances on this blog.)

I could go on to tie in some big emotional sob story about how miserable it is eating alone and living alone and onmygosh when am I ever going to find anyone who loves me and will help me do the dishes I’m going to die from loneliness. And on a normal day, that’s probably what I would do on a blog post. But I’m just not in the mood. Nevertheless, I’ve got a problem. I literally just fried a bag of sweet potato fries and put them on a plate with ketchup for dinner.

Let me reiterate: I JUST ATE NOTHING BUT AN ENTIRE PLATE OF SWEET POTATO FRIES FOR DINNER. And yes, while sweet potatoes are technically a vegetable, and according to the people who set the rules for school lunches, so is ketchup, it just feels wrong. And, at the same time, so very right.

I still have some chicken enchiladas leftovers in the fridge. I’ve already had them for four meals, and even though I still have half of a pan left, if I have to eat one bite more, I am fairly certain I will projectile vomit across the living room floor. And much like my dog, I’m fairly certain that, rather than puking on the laminate floor, I’ll probably end up puking on the carpet too.

And it’s even worse that we’re in the middle of winter. I try to eat seasonally, and as far as I’m concerned, the only vegetable in season in the winter is Rocky Road Ice Cream. (What? Marshmallows used to be made from a plant called the Marsh Mallow. It counts as a vegetable. Shut up.) I event tried going to Pinterest for ideas, but apparently, its users only ever pin baked goods, the Pioneer Woman’s Creamy Chicken Piccata recipe, and cute pancake ideas for Saturday breakfast. (Oh, and don’t even get me started on Saturday breakfast. The chances of me getting up and cooking a giant breakfast for myself on Saturday morning are about the same as winning the jackpot in the state lottery. Sure, I’ll get up early, spend two hours working on a giant breakfast, and then have to spend most of the rest of the day cleaning up the mess from the breakfast that, by the time I finished making, it was nearly lunch. Great way to start off my weekend.)

So I need help. I know that there are a lot of you domestic stay-at-home mom types who read this blog. Even those of you who work often cook for families, so you have to at least pretend to make healthy food to avoid the guilt of having Shamu-sized children. I need dinner ideas. These dinners should be:

Heavy on the veggies—particularly ones that I can get this time of year (e.g., no tomatoes unless in a can)
Re-heatable
Fairly easy/quick
A little different than usual. I don’t think I could force one more spinach salad down my gullet.

I’m in serious trouble. I looked over my planned menu for the next two weeks and realized that two of the three big dishes I’m going to make (I usually cook a big dinner one night and then eat it for the next four) are super-complicated and messy, and I just can’t do it. I mean, seriously? Who thinks, “Hm. I really like Indian Food. I’ve never made them before, but I like it. I think tonight, after 10 hours of work, I’m going to go through the four-hour process of making Samosas, including making the dough from scratch. And then I’ll eat them for both lunch and dinner for the next seven days. Because I’m sure I won’t get tired of eating spicy Indian food for 10 of my next 15 meals.” I must have been out of my mind. (Thanks again, Pinterest.)

Meal ideas. Please!!!

Why I Hate Halloween, 2011 Edition

Angry Matt, Health, Holidays, Ramblings, Whine 3 Responses »

Oct 132011

When it comes to people, it’s often hard to get below the surface. People don’t often let you get to know their true selves. And sometimes, that’s tragic. Because sometimes, a person’s true self is glorious and wonderful, and far more deep, profound, or moving than the face they present to the world. On the outside, they may look like they stumbled out of bed with a hangover and directly onto the pages of PeopleOfWalmart.com, while on the inside, they are rainbows and unicorns.

And sometimes, it’s probably better that you can’t see past the surface because on the outside, they may look like this:

While on the inside, they are like this:

fat emo kid-he doesnt agree.

Of course, I exaggerate. Even my Inner Fat Emo Kid would never pierce his lower lip or wear pigtails. Tres gauche.

No, my Inner Fat Emo Kid and I are pretty darn close. And we’ve been a lot closer lately. He has been blasting his death metal and writing sad poems in his journal alone, moping in his room a lot. This is nothing new, of course. My Inner Fat Emo Kid has been doing this steadily since 1994, when I was 16 years old, and I discovered that the world is always a more tragic place when you’re driving through the late-night streets and empty cemetery of Albion in a 1989 Mercury Grand Marquis LS. (And my goodness…you should see home of the horrific emo poetry I wrote back then. Huh-larious.)

Of course, back then, Inner Fat Emo Kid wasn’t so inner, and he wasn’t so fat. But still just as emo. Or rather, as emo as a clean-cut, red-headed, Mormon kid wearing a purple shirt, mustard yellow shorts, and black and brown loafers with white socks can be. (Geez, that’s a mental image I wish I could erase. Thank goodness there are no photos of that, or I wouldn’t be able to keep myself from posting them on the blog. Inner Fat Emo Kid loves suffering.)

As I’ve gotten older, Inner Fat Emo Kid still manages to mope around every now and again. But these days, he’s a little less Emo, and a little more Fat. And, I hope at least, a lot more inner. Except of course, when summer finally goes away, and I find myself staring at the prospect of another long, dark, and wet winter. Then he’s much more emo, much more fat, and a whole lot less inner.

That’s right! All of that pictorial diatribe above was simply for me to complain about the weather! Well that, and Halloween.

My hatred of the miserable “holiday” called Halloween has been well-documented here and here. My feelings on the subject have not changed, but have, in fact, strengthened. And I think I understand why. Halloween falls into a bit of a happiness black hole. During the summer, the sun is out, the days are long, it’s warm(ish) and dry(ish). People are suffused with an excess of Vitamin D. There are flowers, sunshine, and lollipops. Well, maybe not the lollipops. But there are popsicles. And in England, they’re called Ice Lollies, so that’s close enough. But it’s Summer! And summer is awesome.

And then in November, it’s okay to start decorating for Christmas. (And don’t you dare even start with me.) And there’s Thanksgiving, when even Inner Fat Emo Kid can make himself so full of yummy food that there’s no room left for the Emo. And after that, there’s Christmas. And Christmas is the calendar equivalent to unicorns pooping rainbows and glitter. It’s the most awesome thing ever. And it makes me happy, and it has great music. And it doesn’t matter that daylight only lasts 17 minutes because there are twinkling lights and pine-scented candles and the promise of presents and going home to visit family and letting my mom do the dishes for two weeks because she is apparently the only person in the Universe who actually knows how to load the dishwasher correctly so instead I get to go downstairs and play video games while she cleans up the kitchen.

But Halloween just falls smack-dab into the right armpit of the year. (The left armpit is the Late February-Late March kill-me-now-if-I-don’t-see-some-sunlight-or-flowers corridor.) Summer’s over, but the real holidays haven’t started yet. It’s too early to decorate for Christmas, and it’s too cold and wet to enjoy being outdoors.

But seriously, this year, I have noticed a major shift in my mood when summer came to its very abrupt end. I’ve been working very hard to keep myself busy, and to enjoy what little sunlight is still available to me, but I’m a bit worried about how I’m going to manage to cope through the upcoming winter. Normally, the beautiful Seattle summers are enough to keep me going, but the last two years we’ve had very poor, cold, wet summers in comparison to what I witnessed the first two years I was here. It didn’t start until mid to late July, and was over by the first week of September.

So, I’m going to try a few things differently this year to try to stave off the Seasonal Affective Disorder of Doom™ that I can feel sneaking toward me on little hippopotamus feet.

#1 Must. Keep. Exercising. I started swimming several miles in July. I lost a bunch of weight really quickly, and had a lot more energy. I was actually getting up and going swimming before work. I have not been able to keep that up as the days are getting shorter. I’m a rise-with-the-sun kind of person, and it’s been very, very difficult for me to get when it’s still completely dark outside. And going after work is pretty much not going to happen. Once my shoes come off after a long day of work, I’m not goin’ anywhere. Except maybe to the apartment complex hot tub to soak for a few. (Note to self: Go soak in the hot tub).

#2 Eat Better. October is very bad month for Matt nutritionally. And I can attribute it to one thing:

Look. I know it’s horrible for me, but I don’t care. They start putting those damn little monopoly pieces on the 10-piece Chicken McNugget box, and I will go all SuperSize Me. (PS. Did you ever notice that McDonalds doesn’t use the term Supersize anymore?) So far, I have won 300 Coca-Cola Points, a $5 Wal-Mart Gift Certificate (Megan, I’ll give this to you because I don’t have a Wal-Mart in my area, and even if I did, I wouldn’t shop there. But you’re strong enough to withstand the evil so I’ll bring it down when I come for Christmas), 20 4×6 Photo prints from Snapfish, and a $40 Tiger Wood 2012 Master Xbox Game. Oh, and a Medium Fry, two breakfast sandwiches, and two quarter pounders. Once this orgy of fried foods is over in two weeks (*cough*) I’m back to healthy eating.

#3 Modern Pharmaceuticals. (And don’t worry…I totally had to look up how to spell pharmaceuticals.) This year, I don’t care what anyone says. I am not going to go through this winter on my own. I don’t believe I need the help of any prescription friends yet, but I’m all about the herbal supplements and all that crap. Melatonin, Vitamin D, St. John’s Wort, Monkey Placenta…I don’t care. I will take it all. Load me up with as many pills as needed. Hell, if I have to start chugging 4 Loko and 5-Hour Energy, I will do it. If Nature can’t provide me with what I need to make it through this Winter, then Amazon.com will.

#4 Light Box. I’m pretty seriously considering getting one of those full-spectrum light boxes that you shine in your face for 30 minutes a day to help wake you up. To be honest, it sounds like a scam…especially considering how stinking expensive the dang things are, but I’ll give it a go. Especially if someone buys me one. I’ve got one picked out already and it’s even on my Amazon wishlist—your one-stop shopping destination for buying me Christmas presents!

#5 Create. Look, I’m miserable, fat, tired, and cranky. So, instead of falling into the trap of doing what would come naturally (i.e., becoming a right-wing radio talk show host), I’m going to try to direct what’s left of my energy toward being creative. Writing songs, finishing my book, recording an audiobook, taking more photos. I’m sure that all of my creative efforts will reek of Inner Fat Emo Kid, but that’s okay. At least he’ll be so busy being tragic that he won’t be able to completely drag me down all winter.

And if all else fails, I suppose I could always dress up as my Inner Fat Emo Kid for Halloween.

Puttin’ on the Schvitz

Food, Health No Responses »

Jul 312011

I don’t know about y’all, but last week was a freakin’ long week. I came back from my awesome staycation to an email inbox of 859 messages, which it took me three hours to whittle down. Then we dove in head first trying to get ready for a major project launch that was scheduled to go on Thursday, but which got pushed out to this coming Tuesday due to technical issues. One of my team members was gone, so in addition to trying to get caught up, I had to take over her responsibilities, too. We had technical problems all week long, so I was dealing with the fallout from that, and trying to deal with bigger, overarching issues at the same time. It was a pretty not-fun “welcome back from vacation.”

At the same time as I was going through all of that, I decided that it was time to change up my life by increasing my exercise workload. So, I started getting up early in the morning before work to go to the gym and swim a mile or so. On one hand, I felt pretty darn proud of myself for actually managing to discipline myself enough to get up an hour early and go to the pool for 45-50 minutes before work. On the other hand, I spent the whole week feeling like I had been used as a punching bag for the Russian Olympic Boxing Team. Come about 2PM or so, I could barely sit up straight in my chair, let alone actually concentrate on my work.

Here is, I think, the problem: My endorphin maker is broken. Let me give you an example from an article by K. Cossaboon called Exercise and the “Endorphin Rush”.

We’ve known for a long time about the benefits of exercise as a way to enhance our physical condition and combat disease; but it hasn’t been until more recently that exercise is being recognized as an element in maintaining mental fitness. Studies have shown that exercise releases endorphins in the brain, which in turn cause us to have what is commonly know as a "natural high" or a "runners high". You may not realize what caused it, but most of us have felt it. Whether we’re engaged in a leisurely swim or an adrenaline-charged rock climb, there is that moment when suddenly pain or discomfort drops away and we are filled with a sense of euphoria. We have endorphins to thank for these moments of bliss.

This. Doesn’t. Happen.

Seriously. I never, ever, ever feel better either while or after I exercise. I only feel better three days later when I step on the scale and see that I’ve lost weight. But the act of exercising has never once given me an endorphin rush. I just hurt, my brain gets fuzzy, and I get really lethargic. And don’t bother telling me that I just have to keep at it and eventually I’ll get there. I spent about two years straight playing the gym rat. I was in great shape, dancing every day, lifting weights for 1-2 hours a day, five days a week. I know from exercise. And I also know that, no matter how many times I do it, I never get the endorphin rush.

Ergo, there are only two options remaining. Either my body is immune to its own endorphins, or my endorphin maker is broken. (I see from my old friend Wikipedia that endorphins are manufactured by the pituitary gland and the hypothalmus. ‘Cuz Knowledge is Power!")

In any case, despite my broken hypothalmus, I have continued to exercise and, perhaps also importantly, eat better. In the process of doing this I learned something interesting.

The Day	The Food	The Exercise	Weight Loss the Next Morning
Day 1	200 Calories under my limit	600 calories burned	Gained .3 Pounds
Day 2	300 Calories under my limit	1000 calories burned	Gained .2 Pounds
Day 3	150 Calories over my limit	No Exercise	Stayed Even
Day 4	500 Calories under my limit	750 calories burned	Gained 1 Pound
Day 5	Just under my limit	800 calories burned	Gained .5 Pounds
Day 6	At at McDonalds, Make Chocolate Chip Cookies AND homemade lasagna. Didn’t even bother counting	No Exercise	Lost 4 Pounds

So, as you can see, the real trick to weight loss is to trick your body into thinking that you’re exercising and eating right, then slapping it across the face with McDonalds. I think I can do this weight loss thing.

No, but seriously, I have lost about six pounds since I started just over a week ago. It won’t win me anything on The Biggest Loser, but it’s a good start. And, on that note, I’m going to close down this very cheery and chipper blog post, because I have to go to bed so I can get up at the butt crack of dawn tomorrow to swim before work. I’ll probably gain half a pound.

I Want To Pump…Me Up

Health, Ramblings, The Technology Whore, Videos 5 Responses »

Jul 212011

The other day, I was going down several flights of stairs. Despite my extra bulk, I am still fairly light-footed (or light in the loafers, depending on your point of view) and I was flying down the stairs at a fairly decent clip. About halfway down the stairs, I noticed something: My manboobs were bouncing up and down. (And don’t worry…I just added the word manboobs to my computer’s dictionary)

Well, I have two word to say to that: Not. Okay.

I’ve given up my delusions of ever looking like an Abercombie and Fitch model. I don’t even need to look like Chris Evans post-transformation in the trailers for Captain America. (Seriously? How is that man even possible?) But I am just not okay with bouncy manboobs. Or plumber crack, which is another malady with which I have been struck recently. I tell you what: between my saggy manboobs and my plumber crack, I’m looking all kinds of sexy these days.

And I FLAT OUT refuse to buy bigger jeans. I’m just NOT going to do it. I will walk around naked from the waist down before I go up ANOTHER jean size. In fact, I’ve decided I’m not going to buy any more clothes at all until I can get my weight back down to around 180-185.

So yesterday, I finally buckled. I broke down and renewed my membership to the YMCA gym here in Bellevue. It’s actually a very nice facility, and unlike most of the commercial gyms, I can go to the gym without getting an inferiority complex. Because most of the people who go there are older and fatter than me! Huzzah! (In case you were wondering, yes, I really am that petty in real life)

One of my all-time favorite Simpson lines: “Gym? What’s a Gym? Oh. A Gym.”

The main reason why I chose to go to the YMCA, though, is because of their pool. Of all of the forms of exercise, I loathe swimming the least. I used to swim competitively in Jr. High and my freshman year of High School before I discovered theater, and ~~ruined my life forever~~ chose that over athletics. In all honesty, though, it was probably for the best. Suppressed gay feeling + uncontrollable hormones + swim team = potential public humiliation and lifetime emotional scarring.

Anyway, most of the swimming pools around here are salt water pools instead of chlorine pools. And the gyms keep them around 88 degrees so as not to shock the systems of the dinosaurs who think that water aerobics is real exercise. (PS: It’s not.) Having swam (swum?) in chlorine pools my whole life, it doesn’t feel like swimming if the water’s not cool and I don’t come out of the water with an eau du stale chorine clinging to my skin and hair. The YMCA has a decent, clean chorine pool that they keep at a nice, cool temperature. So, while it is a little more expensive that a membership to 24 Hour Fitness, and there’s not as much eye candy to look at, the pool more than makes up for it.

As much as I like swimming, though, it’s got one major problem: swimming laps is boring as hell. The whole time, you’re chasing walls while hearing nothing but the roar of water rushing past your ears and the sound of your own thoughts. And I go out of my way in life not to be left alone with my thoughts. Those little buggers are destructive and hateful, and they should be kept locked up at all times so as not to wreak havoc on my delicate mental sensibilities. If you’re really unlucky, you get a song stuck in your head, and spend the entire session swimming to that song. Currently: Turning Tables by Adele. Perfect tempo for stroke rhythm. But hearing it in your head for an hour would be enough to drive Adele herself off the deep end. (Pun Intended)

Once I had decided that I was going to re-up my membership, I decided to see if perhaps I couldn’t come up with some alternative to an hour of mental Turning Tables. My sanity is already hanging by a thread. I didn’t want to start carrying around proverbial scissors. So, I went to Amazon and searched for “Waterproof MP3 Player”. How very fortuitous. A company called H2OFriendly buys off-the-shelf iPods, opens them up, and waterproofs them from the inside using a proprietary process. Then you just clip this little thing on the back of your goggles, use one of several different varieties of waterproof headphones, and you’re good to go.

So, after renewing my gym membership yesterday, I decided that today I would take the new iPod for a spin. Or a swim, as the case may be. I loaded it up with an Audiobook, and went to the gym.

Cue the freakin’ choir of angels, y’all.

This. THIS. This is the device I have been waiting for all my life. And I just didn’t know it. It was SO AWESOME to go swimming with an audiobook playing the whole time. I swam for 30 minutes straight, and hardly realized that any time had passed at all. I finished my 1000 meters, looked up, and was shocked to see how long I had been swimming. It was amazing. AND, the waterproof headphones make a water-tight seal in your ear canal and block out all the sounds, so it was very peaceful and quiet.

And yes, I know that 30 minutes for 1000 meters isn’t very fast, nor is it very much. But the last time I went swimming after having not been swimming in years, I overdid it and ended up barfing up my lunch in the locker room after about 600 meters. Not something I wanted to reenact this time around. I’m very, very out of shape. It’s going to take a while to work back up a shape other than manbooby blob.

I also found out that the gym now has a hip-hop dance class on Saturday afternoons, which I’m excited to take. I’m going to look like a mega-idiot, but that’s okay. It’ll be fun. More fun that the new age hippie that teaches the yoga class, anyway. “When I am in that place in me, and you are in place in you, then we are one. Namaste.” Yeah, well, namaste this, Earth mother. I just want to stretch out, not become one with you or any of the other 80 year old Korean women in this class.

Anyway, I’m super excited for getting back into some sort of exercise regiment. I’m even going to try to start going to the gym BEFORE work most days. I’m going to see if perhaps being physically fit and active again will help me to not be so cranky and crabby at work.

And who knows: maybe I’ll get my body back to some semblance of sexiness so I can attract something other than mosquitoes, self-esteem issues, and chubby chasers. I’ll be holding my breath. (Get it? It’s an underwater joke!)

And now apropos of absolutely nothing at all, I provide you this awesome clip.

It’s totally immature and juvenile, and I’m not even remotely ashamed to say I nearly peed my pants from laughter.

The 2011 Goals, Awesome Risotto

Being Existential, Food, Health, Living It Up, Resolutions 1 Response »

Jan 022011

As was alluded to in an earlier post, this year, I am eschewing my normal list of 10 resolutions and instead, am focusing on two, and only two goals, for the year.

1) Lose 25 pounds.

I started the year (December 27th, technically) at a particularly lumpy 202.3 pounds. I get out of breath walking up stairs. My lower back always hurts. My clothes don’t fit, and I (out of principle) refuse to buy bigger clothes. I have CONSTANT heartburn. I experience uncontrollable cravings for fried foods. It’s gotten out of control. So, I’m on a diet. It’s a “eat homemade, healthy meals with moderate portion sizes and count your calories” diet. I’m trying to subsist on about 2050 calories a day, although that number goes up if I exercise. (That way, exercise can be used as a gating factor for a treat. You want a banana split from dairy queen? Fine. Go run on the treadmill for 48 minutes first.) I get one day a week to not count calories or portion sizes. I’m going mostly vegetarian, and will try to limit my meat intake (especially beef) to no more than twice a week. (Not including my cheat day).

Another small change that I’m making is that I’m only going to be shopping for a few days at a time now, instead of for an entire week at a time. I find that if I only shop for the next few big meals, I end up spending SIGNIFICANTLY less money, buy less junk food, and throw away a lot less spoiled produce than I have in the past.

I’m using http://www.mynetdiary.com to track my calories and exercise. It’s a fantastic website, and has a really amazing iPad/iPhone app. I’m starting to build out my recipe box of healthy recipes at Epicurious.com, which has a really great recipe collection in addition to some cool features to add your own recipes. I’m also using a great app for my Android phone which uses GPS and the accelerometer to track my time and distance on my runs/walks. It gives me little badges for hitting certain numbers of calories burned in a 7-day period.

I’ve had some decent success so far, but the last major thing that I’m doing is that I’m not going to weigh myself every day like I have in the past. There’s just far too much variation from day to day to be helpful. Instead, I’m going to weigh myself in every Thursday morning first thing when I get up. Thursday is ideal, because my cheat day is usually going to be either Friday or Saturday, and then I’ll need to get back into the habit starting on Sunday. That will allow me to make some decent progress. (Ideally). Then I’ll post my weight on Twitter in order to help motivate me to improve week over week.

Let’s just hope that this won’t fizzle out like, well, pretty much every major lifestyle change I try to make.

2) Go on a real vacation

The last “real” vacation that I went on was in June of 2008, two and a half years ago. I left from Washington, drove down to Utah for a few days, picked up a friend in Provo, drove down to LA, picked up two friends from the airport, went to Disneyland for a few days, then drove up the Pacific Coast Highway to San Simeon to tour the Hearst Castle. It was a very cool vacation, and a lot of fun.

This Christmas when I was home, I started to realize that I am in a unique position. I am single, I have a job which affords me a fairly decent amount of paid time off every year, I get a decent-sized bonus every year in August, and I don’t have any children. (Unless you count my dog as a child…which I usually do to a certain extent. But it’s easy to take a dog to a boarding facility.) I’ve seen a large chunk of Europe, but there are things that I’ve never done, and that I want to do. I’ve never been to Disney World and all the parks down there. I’ve never seen Mount Rushmore, or been to Yosemite. I’ve never been south of the border. I want to go to Australia and New Zealand. I want to see Switzerland. I MUST get back to Norway, Denmark, and Spain. I want to see Ireland and Scotland. I want to visit Alaska. I want to go to Tahiti. Or Hawaii. I want to take pictures of all of them. And, perhaps more than anything else, I want to swim with dolphins.

I love spending time with my family, but let’s be honest, for the last two years, the only time I’ve left Redmond, let alone Washington, was to visit my family. And as nice as it is to see them, Syracuse, Utah is not a hotbed of activity, nightlife, culture, or food. Sometimes it’s just nice to relax, but I’m still young, and sometimes I want to go out and experience new things.

So, while I was home, I found the website for a dophin swimming expedition company based off the northern coast of the Bahamian island of Bimini. Wild dolphins. The company has a 97’ yacht that sleeps twelve plus the crew, they have all the scuba equipment you’ll need. Meals are provided. It looks heavenly.

I was originally planning on going this year, but I don’t think I’ll be able to have enough money saved up to go before the Hurricane season rolls around, and I would just as soon not spend the money to go down to the Bahamas and then get stuck down there in the rainy season. (If I wanted to see rain, I’d just open up my blinds.) So the trip to Bimini is planned for 2012.

I still haven’t decided when/where I’m going for 2011, but I will likely stay within the United Stated. I thought I might fly back to the midwest to visit my grandparents and brother (and his family) for a few days, then fly on to New York. I went to New York back in 2003 when I went with my graduating class from BYU, but I had a miserable time when I went. I had been spending nearly every waking hour with a batch of 20 musical theater people for the last several months getting ready for this show, and they were grating on my nerves. Rather than having time to experience New York, we had a very tight schedule of classes, rehearsals, and showcase performances for agents. I was completely ignored by agents, and didn’t get a callback at all. There was one individual in particular who was driving me so bat-crap crazy that I probably would have tossed him into the East River in cement shoes if the opportunity had arisen. So it wasn’t a great experience, and it’s rather tainted my opinion of New York ever since. I may try that this year.

I might take a summer cruise up to Alaska. I’d like to go to Disneyland again, if I could get someone to go with me. (Single 33-year old man alone in Disneyland just screams “creepy pedophile” in a way that few other things can.) I hear Austin, Texas is a pretty cool place, although I’m not sure it’s vacation-worthy. I might go back to Toronto. That was a very cool city. Or maybe Chicago.

So, I’m not sure what I’ll be doing this year, but at least 1/3 of my bonus will be going toward a vacation this year. A real vacation. Doing something fun. That I want to do. That is a new experience.

So, those are my two goals.

***

On a tangentially related note, I made a really excellent Risotto with Butternut Squash, Leeks, and Basil tonight for dinner. The recipe is super-easy, and it makes enough to act as an entrée for six people, easily. You can find the recipe on Epicurious here:

http://www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/views/Risotto-with-Butternut-Squash-Leeks-and-Basil-362289

It’s only 369 calories for 1/5th of the entire recipe. I also used chicken broth instead of vegetable stock, because I had a bunch of chicken broth in my freezer from when I made Chicken and Dumplings before Christmas. Highly recommended. It’s very yummy. And I’ll find out tomorrow how well it re-heats.

Self Portrait Project: #4

Health, Media, Music, Pictures, Ramblings 1 Response »

Sep 202010

I’m actually having a fair bit of fun with this self-portrait project that I’ve started. I’ve only done three photos so far (one was from several months ago) and already I’ve run out of ideas, but I’ll keep plugging away at it, I’m sure. Also, all of my photos are apparently done at night because, well, it might be a little strange for me to set up a tripod at work and try to take some self-portrait shots at my desk.

***

So, today marked the first day of (yet again) renewed commitment to get into shape and lost about 25 pounds. I went grocery shopping, and managed not to buy a single pint of ice cream or popsicle or pie or cake. I made a shopping list before I went and have planned out my menu for the week (grilled chicken thighs, an udon noodle stir fry with edamame and grilled chicken, and several days of chicken and white bean chili.) According to my fancy new iPad calorie tracker app, I’m supposed to be eating 2450 calories a day in order to get down to my goal weight of 170 pounds by January 30th. Although, with the holidays coming up, I may have to bump that date out a little bit. We’ll see. (And, in all honesty, we’ll see if I can make it past Wednesday keeping track of my calories). I’m still 800 calories under my allotment for today, so hopefully, I’ll be able to lose a few pounds quickly.

A couple of days ago, I took my "before" self portrait. It was tragic. Epically tragic. Smash the hard drive and set fire to my apartment so those pictures never see the light of day tragic. I could go on…but I won’t. Suffice it to say, the only POSSIBLE way I will ever post those pictures on the internet is if I end up looking like a Men’s Health cover model after I’m done so I can have a truly heroic before and after.

***

I’ve been listening to the new Sarah Bareilles album, Kalidescope Heart almost non-stop lately. I idolize that woman. I would love to be able to write songs like that. I love how ever song on the album is catchy and has a great hook. She’s got this really cool way of writing songs that sound happy but are really about sad subjects–without being mopey. Plus the production is just stellar. Fantastic album.

I’ve been in the mood to find some more new music lately. Any suggestions? I like pop music where the artist actually has real, recongizable, transcendent talent, where the lyrics are clever or witty, and that is heavily vocal. Oh, and the artist doesn’t feel the need to hide behind ludicrous theatricality and dress up like a drag queen to mask the fact that he/she isn’t really all that great. Some of the artists I love are: Jane Monheit (who’s coming here in concert in April!), Raul Midon, Sara Bareilles, Jennifer Hudson, Wayne Brady (his album is awesome), India Arie, Jason Mraz, etc. Anything along those lines? Since I’m an old fart, I can’t stand listening to the radio, and I don’t have free access to music like I did when I was working at my last job (*cough*) I don’t want to waste my money on something I wouldn’t like.

It was almost worth being sick

Being Existential, Gratitude, Health, Philosophizing No Responses »

Jul 192010

So, apparently, I haven’t been "sick." I’ve been "allergic." At least that’s what my very nice new family practice doctor believes.

Today, I had an experience that I haven’t experienced for well over 7 years: I was able to use health insurance provided by my workplace to pay for my medical expenses. I had to make a $20 co-pay for my office visit and a $10 co-pay for each of my two prescriptions. All told, I walked out of my Doctor’s appointment today spending $40.

If I had gone to the Doctor’s office three weeks ago, I would have had to pay $125 for the doctor’s visit ($265 without the discount for being uninsured), an extra $40 for the strep test they ran, $78 dollars for one prescription, and $93 for the other. Coming to a grand total of $336.

And moreover, when the doctor suggested that I go get properly tested for allergies, I didn’t brush him off automatically, like I normally would. You see, my insurance will cover the cost…except for $20. And if I out that I’m actually allergic to something (other than exercise and eating healthily) then my insurance will cover that too!

And, for the first time since I was 17 years old, I actually have a family doctor! I didn’t have to go to some emergency walk-in clinic or urgent care!

See, I had insurance before I started this job. I was paying $150 a month for the insurance…and I got, essentially, nothing for it. I had to spend $1850 out of pocket before my insurance would kick in. Do you kn ow how many times over the last seven years I should have gone to the doctor but didn’t because I couldn’t afford it? I haven’t been to the dentist in three years because I didn’t have $3,500 of available credit on my credit card to pay for whatever was wrong this time around.

Look, I don’t argue that the problems with the health care system go far above and beyond the cost and availability of health insurance. And I know that health insurance and health care aren’t necessarily the same thing. But do you know grateful I was that I could go to the doctor today, get two prescriptions, and come home to get healthy? I have spent so many nights of my life lying awake, coughing so hard I was certain I was going to die, and absolutely unwilling to go to the doctor because it was either get antibiotics or pay my rent.

In an "enlightened" society, that should NEVER have to be a choice that anyone should ever have to make. People should not have to choose between shelter and health care. I’m just extremely blessed that I have been a mostly-healthy person over the last decade of my life. I can’t imagine what would have become of me if I had developed a serious illness.

I hope that, eventually, we as a country, and as a world, will be able to figure out a way to provide the same kind of worry-free health care to all people, not just the ones who are either rich enough to buy it or lucky enough to have jobs that provide it. Until that day, I’m so grateful that I am one of the lucky ones.

If I could pick one word to describe this weekend…

Health 1 Response »

Jul 182010

It would be MISERABLE*. Miserably sick.

*Please Note: As a man, (shutup…I am so a man. Just a man who likes showtunes) I fall prey to the same condition that do all men. I turn into a big, whiny crybaby when I’m sick. As a result, the rest of this blog post should be read taking into account my sickness-induced whiny crybaby state. Which differs from my regular whiny crybaby state only in degree.

When I was young, I used to get sick all the time. Especially when there was a season change. As I have grown older, I’ve stopped getting sick so frequently. In fact, I often go a year or two without getting sick. I drink about 12 gallons of water a day, so it’s not uncommon for me to go to the restroom 6 or 7 times every single day at work, after which I wash my hands, so my hands are usually quite clean.

Well, after 27 months of Seattle winter (40 degrees, cloudy, and wet), summer finally hit on the official first day of summer in Seattle, July 5th. (Seriously. It’s always rainy and cold on the 4th, and then on the 5th, it gets nice and stays nice through October.) Anyway, the sudden change of weather doesn’t really bother me much anymore, but this time, I got that sore throat thing going on. You know, the kind where it just feels like you slept with your mouth open for too long? Since I’m a mouth breather, I feel that almost every morning, so it wasn’t that big of a deal.

Well, on Friday, I had that same sore throat feeling I’d been experiencing for two weeks. We had a company picnic at a nearby park that started at 3PM, and ran until 6PM. At about 5:10, all of a sudden, it felt as if someone had just instantly drained me of all energy. My neck started to hurt. I left the picnic early, and went home. By 9:30, I was done. D. U. N.

I took a hot bath, and I went to bed at 10PM–an absolutely unheard of bedtime for me. I don’t think I slept for more than 45 minutes at a time all night. I woke up over and over again: Too hot, too cold, had to pee, needed a drink, why the hell isn’t my "Nitetime(sic) Sleep Aid" working. I got up and slept on the sofa in the living room, then went back to bed. I spent 30 minutes on the floor of the bathroom thinking I might throw up. (I did dry heave a little bit, but seeing as how I hadn’t eaten anything for 11 hours by that point, there wasn’t much to throw up.)

And that was the motif to my entire weekend. No sleep at night, trying to take naps during the day, barely enough energy to take the dog outside. I had started a new diet this week (lost 6 pounds in three days) and so, of course, I got sick. And since I hadn’t though to cook three days ahead in case I got sick, I don’t have anything to eat or any energy to cook.

There are really only two reasons I haven’t been whining more: a) Luke doesn’t understand my whining, and b) it hurts to talk. And what really sucks is that my sister is supposed to be coming up here to visit on Thursday afternoon. So, dammit, I need to get better and I need to get better now. So, I’ve done what I always do when I get sick. I developed my own personal over-the-counter drug cocktail.

I know I’ve said this before but I’d like to reiterate. Moms, I seriously do not know how to survive when you’re sick. I barely have the energy to get up and open the door for my apartment to let the dog out. How do you continue to cook, clean, nurture, and support your family. You’re my heroes. Because I couldn’t do it.

I could whine, though. That’s helpful, right?

So, I Got Contacts…again.

Health, Rants, Videos No Responses »

Jun 152010

I’ve had bad eyes for a long time. I got my first pair of glasses when I was in 6th grade. (I VERY mistakenly thought that getting glasses was cool, and I was proud of them. I have since learned.)

About the time I hit my sophomore year, I decided I was tired of glasses and I wanted to try contacts. So, we went to NuVision in Albion, and I got my very first pair of contact lenses. It was hate at first sight.

See, I’ve got this thing about my eyes. Call me crazy, but the thought of purposely sticking my fingers into my eyes twice a day just doesn’t do it for me. I can’t even put in eye drops. And when I get that stupid glaucoma test where they shoot a puff of air into my eye…forget about it. To the casual observer, it looks like I’m being tased. In my eyeball. By Satan.

On top of that, I’ve got hooded eyelids, which will probably get worse with time. Some members of my family have even had to have corrective cosmetic surgery because their hooded eyelids were beginning to interfere with their vision.

All of this adds up to one major thing: I HATE contacts. I hate putting them in. I hate the itchiness in my eyes when I wear them. I hate it when they fold in half, roll back behind my eyeball, and cause my eyes to water so badly that I appear to be watching Elijah Wood in The War when he finds out his father is dead.

Eventually, I just stopped wearing them. Glasses were so much easier to deal with, and, since my eyebrows are invisible, they gave some definition to my face. I eventually discovered that there was a specific shape of glasses that I should wear that would complement the shape of my (giant) head, and eventually, I grew to like the way that glasses looked on me.

When I was ~~mentally ill~~ performing, contacts became a necessity again. I could either deal with the contacts or I could be blind onstage…so contacts it was. I bought my last pair of contacts just before starting performances of Crazy for You, which turned out to be my very last theatrical performance. After that, there just wasn’t much need for contacts.

I even went so far as to purchase prescription sunglasses. Normally, I would wear my contacts on road trips and when I went to amusement parks and the like, because otherwise I wouldn’t be able to wear sunglasses. But once I got my prescription sunglasses, that became a non-issue as well.

Well, this last weekend, I finally broke down and decided to give contact lenses another go. I went to the optometrist’s office, got assaulted in the eye by the air compressor of doom, and walked out with a prescription for contact lenses. And I’ve had a headache ever since. Apparently (I didn’t know this) when you first get contacts, you’re only supposed to wear them for a few hours a day until you get used to them. The first day, I wore them for four hours. The next day, I wore them for 10. And now my eyes are so tired I can’t focus them anymore. I wore them another 10 hours today, and it was all I could do not to snap, and go off like Elvadine in The War when she tells Miss Strapford what’s what.

(I don’t know why I’ve got The War on my mind, but now I need to go watch it again.)

Anyway, suffice it to say, right now, "I’s can’t even see good, so I’m prolly not gunna graduate this year neither." It’s hard enough spending your whole day under flickering fluorescent lights in front of two computer screens. But add evil contact lenses on to that, and I’ve got a headache this big, and it’s got @#$% you @#$%ing @#$%ers written all over it.

And why might you ask, have I decided to torture myself with this miserable horrendousness. Is it masochism? Preparations for a suicide bombing attack? Mormon guilt? No. I’m doing this all for art. On Friday, I’m going to see Toy Story 3 at the nicest theater in the area. And because it’s only playing in 3D, I will need to wear 3D glasses. And Hell will sprout Otter Pops before I sit through that movie with glasses over my glasses. A’int Gunna Happen. Also, my glasses are at the point of falling apart, and it was either this or buy new glasses, and the contacts were cheaper.

So, if I seem crabby (or, more accurately, crabbier than usual) for the next couple of days, it’s probably because I’ve got a headache going behind my eyeballs so severe that it’s making my teeth hurt.

Seems that no matter what I do, I still have to suffer for art.

The Upside to Getting Fat

Health, Money, Pictures, Ramblings 4 Responses »

May 242010

So, since the beginning of the year (minus one little "slip up" in January), I’ve been doing extremely well with my financial overhaul. I’ve been able to save quite a bit of money in a short amount of time, I’ve cut down my expenses quite a bit, and I’ve even managed to pay off one of my credit cards. This is good because, starting in May, my student loans from my (wasted) years studying musical theater at BYU and my (far more financially beneficial) years at Walden have now entered the repayment phase.

In 25 years, when I’m finally finished paying off said loans (assuming I haven’t died of a heart attack or old age or, I don’t know, having my face eaten by a rabid squirrel) I’m going to throw the MOTHER of all parties. It’ll be such an awesome party that I’ll have to get a loan just to afford it! Either that or I’ll just go out to a really nice dinner with a few friends. Assuming I have any left by then. At the rate I go through friends… Maybe I’ll just celebrate by cleaning the dead hookers out of my storage unit.

Anyway…money. So, one of the things that I’ve done to put a halt to my spending is force myself to use the stuff that I already have. I mean, let’s be honest…I’ve got a pretty sweet setup. I have a recording studio that’s capable of doing some pretty amazing things. I have a killer entertainment system. I have a Netflix and Gamefly memberships. I have a Kindle filled with unread books. I have an awesome camera and killer lenses. I don’t need any new equipment, and I SURE as heck don’t need any new hobbies. It’s time to use what I’ve purchased. And I’m actually enjoying the process. I recorded a new song. I’ve finished another audiobook. I’ve taken tons of pictures. I’ve been playing my video games, watching movies, and reading quite a bit.

It’s rather freeing to not follow all the new trends, or to be salivating over the latest and greatest technological toys. I went to Fry’s Electronics on Saturday with Billy, and, for the third time in a row, I walked all over the store and didn’t buy anything. I couldn’t find anything I really wanted. Weird.

However, as a direct result of my desperate attempt not to spend money that I didn’t need to, I’ve also found myself extremely reticent not to spend money on things I do need to spend money on. Like my horrifyingly boring wardrobe. My clothing, while never the height of style, has gotten to a critical state. I’m moved from well-dressed office worker to sloppy technology worker and appear to be well on my way to a front page feature on PeopleofWalmart.com

1386

Let’s do a little trip through time, shall we:

Elementary School – Tory Holdren told me that my U of M shirt and pegged, acid-wash Lee jeans were the most stylish thing she had ever seen me wear, and since it was the first (and only) time I had ever been complimented on my clothing, I ended up wearing it about three times a week until the kids at school noticed and started making fun of me. Never wore it again.
Early Jr. High – Wore Skidz unironically.
Late Jr. High – Wore mustard yellow shorts, royal purple long-sleeved shirt, and brown & black penny loafers with white socks. Unironically
High School – Oversized flannel shirts for 4 years. Only mild irony expressed. It was the "Garage Band Alternative" era, after all.
Mission – Two years of suits with short-sleeved shirts, pleated pants, and ties with backpacks and bike helmets. It’s impossible to look stylish in that ensemble.
College – Wore cutoff sweatpants, track pants, and t-shirts for five years because, hey, it’s hard to do modern dance in slacks and a button-up shirt. Recognized the irony, but since everyone else I spent time with wore the same thing, the irony was lost. Not lost: Swass.
Post College – Tried to be ultra trendy and preppy. Epic fail. Tried to combine expensive pretty (Banana Republic) with Goodwill finds. Ended up wearing a white suede blazer and ugly black and white stripped shirt that was too short and too big at the same time. Not a good look.
Buff Period – Got really buff for about two years. Bought a bunch of clothes that were WAY too small for me in order to show of my newly-acquired and short-lived muscles. Felt a little more sexy. Looked like I had forgotten what S, M, and L meant on my clothing tags.
Microsoft Period – A work environment where it is considered appropriate to wear tank tops and shorts, sandals with socks, to walk around the common areas without shoes, or to wear your biking lyrcra around the office during the day. Gave up on trying to be stylish. Also, got fat. So, the too-small muscle clothing of the buff phase became embarrassingly small and, in some cases, physically painful to wear.

Of particular concern is my summer wardrobe. Microsoft has chosen to keep its buildings to a balmy 60 degrees during the summer to help keep the billions of computer systems scattered through the campus from boiling. So, it’s too cold at work to wear summer clothing. Hell, half of my team wears snuggies. (But at least they do it ironically). Plus, I usually only do my clothes shopping around Christmas time when I just want to be in the mall walking around and soaking up the holiday spirit, which means that I’ve got sweaters and long-sleeved shirts galore, but nothing for nice, warm weather.

So, it was with this in mind that I decided it was an absolute necessity to get some work-appropriate and play-appropriate summer clothing. I mean, I am starting a new job. Maybe they will have realized that 72 degrees is the recognized standard for room temperature. That, and my short-sleeved shirts were starting to fall apart, and the polo shorts got that nasty curled-up collar that you can’t get straight even with an iron. Most were so small that my gut was starting to peek out the bottom, which is SO not cute. Plus, I desperately needed some new shoes for running, since I really want to be able to start buttoning my pants again and I flat-out refuse to go up ANOTHER size.

So I went shopping this weekend. And like most things I do, when I go shopping, I go shopping all the way. Behold:

Let me take a moment to answer the question I know you’re asking. Yes. I did, in fact, lay out all of my purchases and photograph them. Using the things I have, remember? Just be glad I didn’t do a "haul" video on YouTube. I almost considered doing one. It would have been totally dripping with irony. But irony that requires that much effort isn’t really my thing. Also not my thing…mannequins dressed up with layered shirts where both shirts have a collar? Button up shirt over a polo shirt? Is that a thing? I hope not. Because it looks even more stupid than popped collars on polo shirts, which look even more stupid now than they did in 1984…and they didn’t look particularly cool in 1984. I’m just sayin’.

Anyway, I ended up with

Three Polo Shirts
Three Button-Up Shirts
One T-Shirt
One Pair Jeans
One Pair Brown Khaki/Jean pants
One Pair Black/White plaid shorts
Black & White Houndstooth Converse Hi-Tops
Brown canvas slip-ons
White Sneakers
Black Running Shoes
New White T-Shirts
New White Socks – I have a thing about socks.

I was able to get this all without having to put a penny on a credit card…which may not seem like a big deal, but it’s huge for me. I actually ended up going to the bank before I started my spree at the mall, pulled out the cash I had budgeted for, and promised myself that I wouldn’t spend any more than that. And I stuck to my guns. (I even had $33 left over!)

Of course, now that I got all this nice summer clothing, it turned overcast, rainy, and cold. Well, it turned cold. It’s always overcast and rainy. And, since I’ll still be at Microsoft for the next four days (!) I can’t wear any of this stuff until I leave. Here’s to hoping the new office isn’t frigid…

So now, I have to clean out the old, ugly, no-longer-fitting clothes, bag them up, and take them to Goodwill. And best of all, that means that when (not if…WHEN) I lose the 20 pounds I’ve gained by sitting on my fat A@# at Microsoft over the last three years and eating like a Bulemic who remembers the binge but forgets the purge, then I’ll have an excuse to pull out another wad of cash and go shopping again.

Older Entries

Help Needed: I’m In a Cooking Slump

Why I Hate Halloween, 2011 Edition

Puttin’ on the Schvitz

I Want To Pump…Me Up

The 2011 Goals, Awesome Risotto

Self Portrait Project: #4

It was almost worth being sick

If I could pick one word to describe this weekend…

So, I Got Contacts…again.

The Upside to Getting Fat

Recent Comments

Blogroll

Links

Follow Me

Archives