1) Lose 25 pounds.

I started the year (December 27th, technically) at a particularly lumpy 202.3 pounds.  I get out of breath walking up stairs.  My lower back always hurts.  My clothes don’t fit, and I (out of principle) refuse to buy bigger clothes.  I have CONSTANT heartburn.  I experience uncontrollable cravings for fried foods.  It’s gotten out of control.  So, I’m on a diet.  It’s a “eat homemade, healthy meals with moderate portion sizes and count your calories” diet.  I’m trying to subsist on about 2050 calories a day, although that number goes up if I exercise.  (That way, exercise can be used as a gating factor for a treat.  You want a banana split from dairy queen?  Fine.  Go run on the treadmill for 48 minutes first.)  I get one day a week to not count calories or portion sizes.  I’m going mostly vegetarian, and will try to limit my meat intake (especially beef) to no more than twice a week.  (Not including my cheat day).

Another small change that I’m making is that I’m only going to be shopping for a few days at a time now, instead of for an entire week at a time.  I find that if I only shop for the next few big meals, I end up spending SIGNIFICANTLY less money, buy less junk food, and throw away a lot less spoiled produce than I have in the past.

I’m using http://www.mynetdiary.com to track my calories and exercise.  It’s a fantastic website, and has a really amazing iPad/iPhone app.  I’m starting to build out my recipe box of healthy recipes at Epicurious.com, which has a really great recipe collection in addition to some cool features to add your own recipes.  I’m also using a great app for my Android phone which uses GPS and the accelerometer to track my time and distance on my runs/walks.  It gives me little badges for hitting certain numbers of calories burned in a 7-day period. 

I’ve had some decent success so far, but the last major thing that I’m doing is that I’m not going to weigh myself every day like I have in the past.  There’s just far too much variation from day to day to be helpful.  Instead, I’m going to weigh myself in every Thursday morning first thing when I get up.  Thursday is ideal, because my cheat day is usually going to be either Friday or Saturday, and then I’ll need to get back into the habit starting on Sunday.  That will allow me to make some decent progress.  (Ideally).  Then I’ll post my weight on Twitter in order to help motivate me to improve week over week.

Let’s just hope that this won’t fizzle out like, well, pretty much every major lifestyle change I try to make. 

2) Go on a real vacation

The last “real” vacation that I went on was in June of 2008, two and a half years ago.  I left from Washington, drove down to Utah for a few days, picked up a friend in Provo, drove down to LA, picked up two friends from the airport, went to Disneyland for a few days, then drove up the Pacific Coast Highway to San Simeon to tour the Hearst Castle.  It was a very cool vacation, and a lot of fun.

This Christmas when I was home, I started to realize that I am in a unique position.  I am single, I have a job which affords me a fairly decent amount of paid time off every year, I get a decent-sized bonus every year in August, and I don’t have any children.  (Unless you count my dog as a child…which I usually do to a certain extent.  But it’s easy to take a dog to a boarding facility.)  I’ve seen a large chunk of Europe, but there are things that I’ve never done, and that I want to do.  I’ve never been to Disney World and all the parks down there.  I’ve never seen Mount Rushmore, or been to Yosemite.  I’ve never been south of the border.  I want to go to Australia and New Zealand.  I want to see Switzerland.  I MUST get back to Norway, Denmark, and Spain.  I want to see Ireland and Scotland.  I want to visit Alaska.  I want to go to Tahiti.  Or Hawaii.  I want to take pictures of all of them.  And, perhaps more than anything else, I want to swim with dolphins. 

I love spending time with my family, but let’s be honest, for the last two years, the only time I’ve left Redmond, let alone Washington, was to visit my family.  And as nice as it is to see them, Syracuse, Utah is not a hotbed of activity, nightlife, culture, or food.  Sometimes it’s just nice to relax, but I’m still young, and sometimes I want to go out and experience new things.

So, while I was home, I found the website for a dophin swimming expedition company based off the northern coast of the Bahamian island of Bimini.  Wild dolphins.  The company has a 97’ yacht that sleeps twelve plus the crew, they have all the scuba equipment you’ll need.  Meals are provided.  It looks heavenly.

I was originally planning on going this year, but I don’t think I’ll be able to have enough money saved up to go before the Hurricane season rolls around, and I would just as soon not spend the money to go down to the Bahamas and then get stuck down there in the rainy season.  (If I wanted to see rain, I’d just open up my blinds.)  So the trip to Bimini is planned for 2012. 

I still haven’t decided when/where I’m going for 2011, but I will likely stay within the United Stated.  I thought I might fly back to the midwest to visit my grandparents and brother (and his family) for a few days, then fly on to New York.  I went to New York back in 2003 when I went with my graduating class from BYU, but I had a miserable time when I went.  I had been spending nearly every waking hour with a batch of 20 musical theater people for the last several months getting ready for this show, and they were grating on my nerves.  Rather than having time to experience New York, we had a very tight schedule of classes, rehearsals, and showcase performances for agents.  I was completely ignored by agents, and didn’t get a callback at all.  There was one individual in particular who was driving me so bat-crap crazy that I probably would have tossed him into the East River in cement shoes if the opportunity had arisen.  So it wasn’t a great experience, and it’s rather tainted my opinion of New York ever since.  I may try that this year.

I might take a summer cruise up to Alaska.  I’d like to go to Disneyland again, if I could get someone to go with me.  (Single 33-year old man alone in Disneyland just screams “creepy pedophile” in a way that few other things can.)  I hear Austin, Texas is a pretty cool place, although I’m not sure it’s vacation-worthy.  I might go back to Toronto.  That was a very cool city.  Or maybe Chicago.

So, I’m not sure what I’ll be doing this year, but at least 1/3 of my bonus will be going toward a vacation this year.  A real vacation.  Doing something fun.  That I want to do.  That is a new experience.

So, those are my two goals. 

***

On a tangentially related note, I made a really excellent Risotto with Butternut Squash, Leeks, and Basil tonight for dinner.  The recipe is super-easy, and it makes enough to act as an entrée for six people, easily.  You can find the recipe on Epicurious here:

http://www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/views/Risotto-with-Butternut-Squash-Leeks-and-Basil-362289

It’s only 369 calories for 1/5th of the entire recipe.  I also used chicken broth instead of vegetable stock, because I had a bunch of chicken broth in my freezer from when I made Chicken and Dumplings before Christmas.  Highly recommended.  It’s very yummy.  And I’ll find out tomorrow how well it re-heats.

There are a few reasons I’m choosing to discontinue the practice:

• I already spew far too much information about myself across the internet, and quite frankly, I don’t need to remind my readers (if there are any left) that I fail 2/3rd of my resolutions. 
• They’re pretty boring.
• I just don’t care that much anymore.
• I’m sick and tired of personal improvement.  I just want to be happy being me for a change. 
• Publically announcing failure doesn’t shame me into improvement, and doesn’t make me feel good about myself.

So, what pushed me to this?  I have a few friends who are what I call  "defeatists."  These are the friends who, when they are unhappy, actively go out of their way to defeat all attempts at improving their mood or situation.  They have already made up their mind that nothing they try will work.  They’ve decided that they will never be able to be happy, the world is against them, they’re stuck in their rut, etc.  I think we all know people like this…people who, no matter how you try to help, dig in their heels and set up shop in the land of misery.  Often they’re good people.  They’re usually very funny.  But they talk about life as though it’s already gone by and it’s too late to get it back.

I, like my defeatist friends,  am a naturally unhappy person.  I don’t look on the bright side of life naturally, and I never have.  I’m just a negative person by nature. I try not to be a defeatist, however.  I don’t always succeed, but I try.  I’ve found myself starting to fall into the defeatist trap about certain issues in my life, particularly money, weight, and my social interactions/relationships.  When I’m focusing on my "goals" and failing to meet them time and time again, I start to slip into this "I don’t have any self control so I’ll never be able to succeed" mode.  If someone offers suggestions, I can come up with a million excuses why it won’t work.  The instant I find myself starting to post Facebook status updates in which I insult myself or in which I find myself fishing for compliments, then I know I’ve hit defeatist mode.  And I’m not interested in spending my life talking myself out of living life.

When I was in college, the professor in my very first acting class talked about the infamous Stanford Prison Experiment:

The Stanford prison experiment was a study of the psychological effects of becoming a prisoner or prison guard. The experiment was conducted in 1971 by a team of researchers led by Psychology professor Philip Zimbardo at Stanford University. Twenty-four undergraduates were selected out of over 75 to play the prisoners and live in a mock prison in the basement of the Stanford psychology building. Roles were assigned randomly. The participants adapted to their roles well beyond what even Zimbardo himself expected, leading the guards to display authoritarian measures and ultimately to subject some of the prisoners to torture. In turn, many of the prisoners developed passive attitudes and accepted physical abuse, and, at the request of the guards, readily inflected punishment on other prisoners who attempted to stop it. The experiment even affected Zimbardo himself, who, in his capacity as "Prison Superintendent," lost sight of his role as psychologist and permitted the abuse to continue as though it were a real prison. Five of the prisoners were upset enough by the process to quit the experiment early, and the entire experiment was abruptly stopped after only six days. The experimental process and the results remain controversial.

In an acting context, the moral of the story was, "You begin to believe what you are doing, regardless of the reason you started doing it."  While I was never really able to reach that level of skill with my acting, I think that there’s an element of truth to that statement in life.  If I allow myself act like a defeatist, then I’m going to become a defeatist…and will eventually get to a point that I can’t see any other way of being, much like the friends mentioned above.  They’re good people, but they will always be miserable because they are unable to see how to put aside the defeatist attitude and move forward. 

So, while I’m dropping the list of 10 resolutions, and my monthly reporting herewith, I am resolving that I’m going to try and be a happier person.  I’m going to try and post more positive blog posts and status updates, all in the hopes that I’ll be able to believe what I am doing, regardless of the reason I started doing it.

_________________

Got a burning question that you want answered?  Post it at http://www.formspring.me/DrChumley

1) Self Control – Money

I’m doing pretty well in this area.  As mentioned previously on this blog, I have paid of four of my five credit cards, and have $4500 remaining on the fifth.  I’m aiming for no later than April of 2011 to have this last card paid off.  After that, all the money I’ve been putting into my credit cards will be going to paying off my car, which should be paid off by the end of 2011.  Assuming nothing goes wrong. 

My daily expenditures aren’t significantly more or less than they have been, but I’ve been trying to cut down on the extraneous purchases…computer, camera gear, microphones, video game consoles, and the like.  Instead, I’m trying to utilize my Netflix and Gamefly memberships more fully, and I’m trying to do more reading on my Kindle, and take more photographs with my existing equipment.  The name of the game for the next year and a half is "Use What You’ve Got."

2) Experience New Things

I painted my office, which marks the first time I’ve ever painted something where I got to pick out the colors.  (It was only mildly successful.)  I also went on a dinner cruise around Lake Washington, which is something I’ve never done before.  Oh yeah, and I got to use my real insurance for the first time.  (Although that’s not a "new" thing…I just haven’t been able to do it for many, many years.)

3) Lose 20 Pounds

This was both a fail and a win.  I crossed the 200 pound mark and stayed there for a while.  Then the sun came out, I stopped feeling so depressed, and stopped eating like a pig.  I’m down eight pounds in the month of July (five of which I’ve probably gained back this weekend.)  I’ve also, in collaboration with goal #1, stopped eating out quite so much at fast food restaurants.  I’m trying to cook more (again).   It helps that all of the vegetables are starting to come into season, so now I’m eating a lot of very healthy meals with lots of yummy fresh veggies.  Also, I rediscovered the joy of Caprese Salad this summer, which has been wonderful…especially since I can buy fresh mozzarella at the farmer’s market.

4) Be More Social – CLOSED

5) Write Music – COMPLETED

6) Get in Shape – CLOSED

7) Be More Giving

Fail, fail, fail. 

8) Get to Bed Earlier

I continue to do fairly well at this.  I had a week where I was staying up too late to finish re-reading the Fablehaven books in preparation for the fifth and final book to come out, so that had me up later than I should have been.  I also had a lot of difficulty sleeping as a result of my death-inducing allergies over the last couple of week, but now I’m back to normal.  Trying to be in bed by midnight…it’s a very difficult thing for me.

9) Take LOTS of pictures

I’ve not taken a LOT of pictures, but I’ve continued to take some.  I took several when my sister was here visiting, including some fun ones of her feeding the seagulls.  But none of these photos have been "art" photos.  They’ve been more along the lines of snapshots.  I’m hoping that, one of these coming weekends, I can find a good spot from which I can take some good landscape photos.

10) El Learno…um…anything?

Things I learned these last two months:

• How to deploy multiple websites within a single instance of Apache Web Server
• How to use a NettiPot
• How to record, edit, and encode extremely high-quality screen captures for video tutorials
• How to sing like Barry White (Get really, really, really, really bad allergies.)
• How to design a website in Drupal, and style it entirely with CSS

So, overall, not a terrible couple of months. 

1) Self Control – Money

Good, but not great, I’d say.  There was an "extra" payday in May, so I was able to spend some money on much needed warm-weather clothing (although, with how miserable the "summer" has been this year, I probably would have been better off investing in Enron.)  I also bought this blender, which is really expensive, but it’s also what Alton Brown uses on TV, so it has to be awesome.  I also made, as previously mentioned, a completely spur-of-the-moment trip to Utah which cost a few hundred dollars (gas and boarding for Luke) but part of that was paid for by my parents, because they’re freakin’ awesome.

2) Experience New Things

Well, I quit my job in May.  That’s relatively new.  And I designed two new websites – the new MattArmstrongMusic.com and photoblog.mattarmstrongmusic.com.  But other than that, I didn’t do a whole lot new this month.  And I feel okay about that.

3) Lose 20 Pounds

Another epic fail.  In fact, I got .6 pounds away from crossing the forbidden 200-pound mark.  That’s SIX TENTHS of a pound.  I’ve picked boogers bigger than that.  I’m struggling to get (my big, giant, fat ass) back on the wagon, but ever since I got back from Utah, I’ve been completely drained of energy and I end up sleeping almost all day.  The goal is to kick up the exercise more tomorrow after work.  I HAVE to get going.

4) Be More Social – CLOSED

I’ve decided I don’t WANT to be more social.  I like being alone.  I did go to a friend’s housewarming party, and went out to lunch with some friends at my old job…but that’s about it.  I’m going to mark this one closed because I just don’t care so much about this anymore.

5) Write Music – COMPLETED

My original goal for writing music was to get two or three new songs done during the year, which I’ve done.  I’ve been pretty pleased with what I’ve done so far this year, and I’m sure I’ll continue to do some music (I’m aiming to get at least two more audiobooks done this year, so you know that I’ll have to do at LEAST two more music pieces for that).  But since I’ve reached my goal, I’m calling this one good.

6) Get in Shape – CLOSED

I’m closing this one as a duplicate goal of #3.  They’re going to have to go hand in hand.

7) Be More Giving

Fail. Still.  I’m just a selfish SOB, apparently.

8) Get to Bed Earlier

Well, if you discount this last week when I was taking some time off between jobs, then it would be a fail, but I’m doing pretty well otherwise.  I intend to be in bed by 11:30 tonight which, for me, is quite early.  I’m just waiting for my bedspread to get out of the dryer so I can finish making the bed before going to it.

9) Take LOTS of pictures

Win, win, win!  And I really love some of my new photos.  I know they’re not everyone’s cup of tea, but I don’t care.  If you’re into photography, head over to http://photoblog.mattarmstrongmusic.com

10) El Learno…um…anything?

So, originally, I was supposed to learn Spanish. Then I was supposed to learn the programming language C#.  I did learn Drupal (a web content management system) pretty well over the last month.  It’s what my new mattarmstrongmusic.com website is running on.  But I’ve just not been so motivated to take on a new educational project.

It seems that, overall, I’ve lost my enthusiasm for my resolutions this last month.  And, unsurprisingly, I don’t feel that despressed about it.  I’m just not all that concerned with getting up in arms about self-improvement right now.  I’m focusing on a new job, trying to keep myself from swallowing Drano to escape this incessant suicide grey skyscape, and spending money like a Real Housewife of Park Avenue.  And sometimes, I think that’s about all I can ask for.

1) Self Control – Money

I’m calling another month of success on this one for April.  My spending has bottomed out.  Aside from refusing to go out on my weekly shopping trips to buy stuff I don’t need, I’m also spending less on food (especially eating out), gas (since I don’t drive all over creation to go shopping) and even cut down on some of my subscriptions.  I cancelled my Lynda.com subscription and my TheLadders.com subscriptions, I cancelled my Gamefly account, and I’ve cut my Netflix account to a 1-disc plan.  I’ve managed to save about $1000 over the last two months, and that’s with my buying all the gear for my hiking trip this summer.  I’m hoping to save another $800 in May.  Then it’ll be time to re-evaluate my finances again because my student loans will go into repayment starting in June.

2) Experience New Things

I didn’t do a LOT of new stuff in April, but I did do a couple of new things.  I drove up into the Snoqualmie Pass and went to a Sno-Park with Luke on Saturday, which was an absolute blast.  Then, last weekend, I just hopped in the car and spent two hours driving around, going through some of little towns out in the country around here.  Now that the weather is nicer, I’m hoping to get over to some of the smaller islands in the Puget Sound and see some parts of the area that I’ve not seen before.

3) Lose 20 Pounds

All aboard the failboat.  Not only have I not lost the 20 pounds, but I’ve actually gone back to what I weighed at the beginning of the year.  I have an excuse, but, as they say…excuses are like buttholes.  Everyone has one, and they all stink.  I’ve been working extremely hard on finishing up the Frankenstein audiobook that I’ve been working on for 9 months.  Now that’s done, and I don’t have any plans to starting a new book for a couple of months.  Hopefully that will give me the time to start cooking more and the time to force myself to exercise.

4) Be More Social

Meh. Not so great.  April was a rough month for me emotionally, so I really didn’t feel like being around other people.  I’ve decided I prefer being alone.

5) Write Music

This one was an EPIC win.  I’ve been working on music at least 4 nights a week for the last 2 weeks.  I’ve got a new song that I’m hoping to finish up in May that I really like, and I also wrote some music for the intro to the Frankenstein audiobook.  My goal was to write at least two new songs this year, which I’ve done, but I’m extended the goal to getting those two songs full produced and released on my website.

6) Get in Shape

See #3.  Failboat.

7) Be More Giving

Fail.

8) Get to Bed Earlier

I was doing really well on this until the last week, then I a) got completely immersed in some INCREDIBLE audiobooks that had me completely engrossed and b) kicked off one of those projects that makes you lose track of time.  I don’t think I’ve been in bed before 1:30 AM all week.  Last night, I didn’t hit the sack until 3:30 AM.  I purposely only took one nap today so that I could get to sleep at a decent hour tonight. 

9) Take LOTS of pictures

I didn’t take a ton of pictures this month, but I’ve been extremely pleased with the pictures I have taken.  I think I’m starting to find my "voice" as a photographer, and I know where my strengths and weaknesses lie.  I also shot a headshot session this month…the first one of those that I’ve done since last June.  (The last one before that was in 2006).  I’m feeling pretty good about the use I’m getting out of my camera equipment.  Moreover, I’m really pleased with the equipment I have.  Sure, there are a couple of lenses I’d like to have, but for the most part, I don’t really need much more than I’ve got to take the kinds of pictures I like to take.

10) El Learno La Espanol C#

This resolution is on hold for the time being.  My aforementioned projects are taking up my time and, quite frankly, are far more enjoyable to me than learning C#.  It feels too much like bringing my work home with me to learn a programming language.  I want to work on stuff that doesn’t remind me of the fact that I’ve got to spend the next 40 years of my life staring at cubicle walls and trying to decipher computer code.  My me time has to be about me.

April was a weird month overall.  I went through some pretty tough things emotionally, and I left the month feeling completely "wrung out."  The weather hasn’t helped much.  ("The Sun’ll Come Out, Next August.  Bet your bottom dollar that Next August, there’ll be sun!")

However, I’ve also made some pretty good strides…especially in the area of money.  I’ve gotten back into some of the activities that I used to love to do and have been able to start finding enjoyment in them.  I’ve managed to find a fair bit of contentment in my life outside of work, and have enjoyed getting to know area and locations around me a little better.

Here’s to hoping that May picks up even more, that the clouds will start to dissipate, and that I’ll manage to do even better on the resolutions!

1) Self Control – Money

Big win for me on this during March.  I’ve managed to save quite a bit of money this month.  I was frugal with my spending, saved a bunch of money, and managed to purchase a few pieces of gear for my upcoming hiking trip.

2) Experience New Things

I went hiking.  I went to the Botanical Gardens. I went to a new Chinese Restaurant.  And I’ve got some new stuff planned for April.  I’m going to call this one pretty good too.

3) Lose 20 Pounds

I’ve done very poorly on the weight loss.  Very poorly.  I’ve been simply ravenous lately, and I seem to be unable to feel "full."  I’ve only gained a couple of pounds, so it’s not been an epic fail, but it is a fail none-the-less.

4) Be More Social

I’m going to consider this a very mild success.  I went out to lunch with some co-workers one day, which was fun.  And I went hiking with some other co-workers which was also very enjoyable.  So I’m getting out a little more.  I’m also really enjoying my alone time these days, so I’m not feeling particularly social at the moment.

5) Write Music

I didn’t do much with music during the month.  I worked a little on a song I wrote back in February, but nothing new.

6) Get in Shape

I’m walking quite a bit more, hiking, etc.  So, I’m making slow progress on this one, but increased success on #3 will also result in increases success in #6.

7) Be More Giving

Fail.  It’s all mine.

8) Get to Bed Earlier

I’ve not been doing as well with this for the last couple of weeks.  I was trying to get to bed by midnight.  Now it’s drifted back to 12:30.  And occasionally 1:00.   I had honestly forgotten about this resolution (which is one of the reasons I do these updates) so I need to re-focus. 

9) Take LOTS of pictures

Doing pretty well…and you’ve seen some of the results here on the blog.

10) El Learno La Espanol C#

So, I think I’m going to axe the whole learn Spanish thing.  I just don’t have the drive anymore.  Instead, I’ve started learning the computer programming language C#.  It’s learning a different language…and, quite frankly, one that I’m far more likely to use on a regular basis.

1) Self Control – Money

So, I think I did pretty well on this in February.  I spent a lot of money, but its use had been planned in advance, so there was very little spur of the moment purchasing.  I managed to talk myself out of stuff that I talked myself into "needing" and I managed to save about $900 last month AND pay off some of my debts.  I did buy my bed, the sound treatment for my new recording booth, and a couple of other small little things, but those were from my tax return.  So, overall, not amazing, but not

2) Experience New Things

I didn’t experience much in February other than a crushing sense of futility about it all.  But that’s not particularly new.  Um.  Yeah.

3) Lose 20 Pounds

So, last year, I started dieting and working out in December, immediately after Christmas.  I did really well for about a month, losing about 13 pounds in just a few weeks.  Then, about the end of January and through the middle of February, I was packing up, moving, and unpacking in my new apartment.  During that time, I didn’t have the time or desire to cook, and so I didn’t.  I got out of the habit of eating healthily, and ended up never getting back into.  I managed to gain back all the weight over the course of the next 10 months.  Fast forward to 2010.  Guess who is repeating history?  I got out of the habit of healthy, and started doing the fast food thing again.  I’m still down nearly 10 pounds from where I was at the beginning of the year, but I’ve got to get back on the wagon again.  At least this year, I’ve got motivation in the form of a backpacking trip.  By the way, I saw this shirt for sale on woot.com, but it’s out of print now.  I think I need someone to have one printed for me for me for my birthday because it’s just 12 levels of awesome.

4) Be More Social

Enough Said.

5) Write Music

February was a good music month.  I worked some on "Marginalized" again, but am still not happy with the sound of it.  I’m really close those.  I may have it ready this weekend.  I also wrote my awesome 80s theme song for the podcast intro.  Then, tonight, I wrote a whole song in about 45 minutes…which is unheard of for me.  I recorded the piano and and a scratch vocal track for it, so I could remember exactly how it goes, and I am setting it aside for a few days to let it marinate for a while…I usually find a few ways to tweak the lyrics for the better if I leave it alone for a few days.  But, for those keeping track, that’s 2 new songs written so far in 2010, with another song half-written that I like parts of, but not the whole thing, so I’m still trying to find something in there.

I’ve also enjoyed playing around in my new dedicated studio again.  I’m even actually considering offering my services to my old boss at the Show Trax company for a little extra scratch on the side to do the sequencing…but I haven’t figured out if I could do that without stress…and I don’t think I can, so I’m not entirely sure.

6) Get in Shape

See "Lose 20 Pounds."  Dairy Queen + Physical Stasis = Not In Shape.

7) Be More Giving

Not to well on this one either.  Still having a hard time translating the abstract idea into actual practice.  And honestly, for some reason, I just don’t think of this one much when I’m not writing these resolution reviews.  It’s one of the downfalls of being a selfish SOB.

8) Get to Bed Earlier

I’m going to call this one a big old win.  I’m getting to bed much earlier…usually well before Midnight most nights.  Even on the weekends.  I just don’t see the need to stay up late anymore.  And since I changed my schedule so I can’t come home and take a nap during my lunch break every day, I’m a little more worn out by the time I get to the end of the day.

9) Take LOTS of pictures

Well, I did fill up my 16 gig memory card for the first time…I also used said camera to take some video which, if you’re a loyal reader, you’ve already seen.  I still feel like I need to do better.  This weekend, I’m thinking of taking Luke on the ferry over to Bainbridge Island or Bremerton and walking around a little bit to take some pictures.  So, I may get to use my camera then.  We shall see.

10) El Learno La Espanol

This one hasn’t been touched.  Although, I am actually learning SOMETHING.  It’s just not Spanish.  I signed up for a really cool website, Lynda.com, which has tons on video tutorials on all kinds of complicated software packages (Photoshop, Illustrator, etc.)  I signed up mainly to take their Quickbooks courses, so I can learn to better track our spending for Open Book Audio.  Because this year, we’re going to start making some money (dammit!).  After that, I’ll probably take some of their courses on Photoshop so I have a better understanding of how to make the photos that I process look better.  So, if you lump all my learning efforts under this option (which I may just do because, hey, they’re my resolutions), then I didn’t do so poorly.  If you’ve got your mind stuck on the fact that I didn’t learn Spanish this month, you can just suck it.

So there you go.  February…it’s a wash.  Some I did well on; others, not so much.  But at least I’m starting to resolve.  Or is that dissolve.  I forget.

Welcome to February!  January simply flew by, didn't it?  Well, it did for me anyway.  There's something just so time consuming about packing up all of your belongings and moving them to a new location 150 feet away, only unpack them all over again.  January was an interesting month for the resolutions.  Some I did well with by choice.  Others, by necessity.  Others still I completely bombed.  Let the unveiling commence:

1) Self Control – Money

Despite the fact that I emptied out both my savings account and my investment account (not my retirement account, just my normal "play money" investment account, I think I did fairly well this month.  I had to pay double-rent for about three weeks, which necessitated careful expenditure with money for about six weeks in order to save.  The only thing I would consider an impulse buy was the new futon I purchased for the guest bedroom/studio, which I did for my friend Mukluk who is staying with me for the weekend.  It wasn't particularly expensive, and it's something that I needed anyway, so I consider it a fairly carefully considered whim, if you will.  Starting in Feb., however, things are going to get down to business.  I'm getting a HUGE tax return this year, thanks to tax write-offs from my business, so I will be saving a large chunk, paying off a credit card, buying the necessities for my backpacking trip this summer, and maybe spending a little bit on myself as well.  But most of it will go toward responsible things.

2) Experience New Things

January, I'm going to say that I did fairly well on this one.  I went to the zoo, which I haven't done for years and years.  I went out with other people a did social things, which is "new" for me.  I learned how to program queries in SQL at work, and am currently learning how to write XML schemas, which isn't particularly hard, but it's a new thing.

3) Lose 20 Pounds

I started January 1st at 198.6 pounds.  As of February 3rd, I weigh 187.6 pounds.  11 Pounds in a month, basically.  I'm at a bit of a plateau, exacerbated by the fact that for the last two weeks, I've eaten out a LOT (it's hard to cook when you have no kitchen) and I haven't been to the gym in about three weeks.

4) Be More Social

This month, I went "out" a couple of times.  And while the experience was nice, I came to realize a couple of things:  First, I am a homebody.  I like being at home.  Second, I've grown to be exceptionally comfortable around myself for the first time in my life.  I like who I am, and I like being my own company.  Third, my years of getting my own way have turned me into a person who doesn't like to compromise my free time by spending it doing something other than what I absolutely want to do.  If I am in the mood to sit and home and play video games, then I get almost resentful if I "have" to go out and be social instead.

What does all of this mean for #4?  I honestly don't know.  I'm going to continue trying to be more social, but if I continue to find that I'm not enjoying it as much as I should be, then I'm not sure if I'm going to really continue working on this particular goal.  Stay tuned for updates.

5) Write Music

I have turned on the piano and have tinkered around with a few things.  I've written 2/3rd of a song that I really don't like that much, and I'm hoping to salvage a few of the parts I do like in another iteration.  The new apartment also has enough space that I am able to hang my guitars up on the wall, which I find helps me remember to pick up the instruments more often and tinker around.  So, I haven't done great with this one, but it's a start.

6) Get in Shape

I've not done so well on this one.  I started off the month by running and going to the gym every so often.  But it didn't last.  (It never does, does it?)  I have been trying to walk more, and losing the 11 pounds really helps.  Once the rain stops a little, I plan on spending some weekends up in the mountains going on some day hikes with Luke.  I just don't have any desire to hike in the rain on purpose.

7) Be More Giving

I've not done well on this one.  I have tried to be more giving of myself by spending time on the phone with friends who have been going through some rough times, which is sometimes difficult for me to do.  I didn't, however, participate in the Haiti disaster giving.  I'm not really sure why, but with everyone focused on giving their limited charity money to Haiti, I really wanted to focus on doing something at home.  One thing I've actually started doing is very generous tipping to a lot of the people who serve me as part of their jobs–especially people who I get the sense could really use the extra money.  It makes me feel good think that maybe my tip is helping someone that I actually interacted with in the course of my life, not some nameless mass of people thousands of miles away.  I don't begrudge anyone who has donated like that, by any means.  I just wanted something a little more immediate.

8) Get to Bed Earlier

I've been doing pretty well with this one.  During the week, I really try to be in bed by midnight.  Sometimes lately, I'm even getting to bed as early as 11PM, which is unheard of from me.  It helps that I'm actively avoiding taking a nap when I get home from work, that I am on an earlier schedule, and that I try not to start a project at 11:00 PM that I don't think I can finish by 11:30.  Seems to be helping.  I'm waking up far more easily than I had been, and I am finding that I'm far less crabby when I get up and realize that I have to go to work.  Turns out that getting only 5 hours of sleep at night actually isn't that great for you.  Who knew?

9) Take LOTS of pictures

I've used my camera a fair bit, but not anywhere near as much as I should be.  My day-long trip to the zoo was a blast, and I got some fun pictures from the process, and I've managed to capture a couple of beautiful sunrises over the lake in the morning before work, but I'm just not really taking advantage of the camera.  Of course, spending three weekends either packing, unpacking, or moving didn't help.  I need to do better on this one.

10) El Learno La Espanol

Epic fail.  I haven't even booted up the software, let alone worked on any lessons.  Need to do better here.

So, overall, I think the resolutions are going fairly well.  I could certainly kick things up a notch, and need to do so, but I don't want to discount the progress I have made.  Let's hope the streak keeps up, eh?

Well, when the holidays concluded, I weighed a hefty 198.6 pounds.  DANGEROUSLY close to breaking my vow to myself that I would never cross over the 200 pound mark, ever in my life.  So, starting on December 28th, I began Operation Fatty McFat-Fat Killer (working title.)  The goal, as mentioned previously, is to lose approximately 20 pounds, getting down to a much more manageable 175, and to get more in shape in preparation for my big hike this summer.  So far, so good.  This morning, I weighed in at 189.0 pounds.  That’s nearly 10 pounds in two weeks.  I can’t complain too much.

I’ve also been exercising…some.  I started by taking Luke running on the streets a few times, but then I got shin splints, and stopped doing that.  I’ve been doing some treadmill running at my apartment complex, and I’m beating myself up on the stair-steppers at the gym.  I’m also doing some very minor weight lifting…mostly core strength stuff.  I’m far more focused on losing fat than I am on gaining a lot a muscle right now, so I’m doing a little lifting just to help improve my metabolism, but not enough to bulk up at all. 

I really, really hate exercising.  REALLY.  HATE. IT.  With a fiery passion.  You know how most people say they feel great after working out, or they get that endorphin rush?  I don’t.  I never have.  Not even when I had been doing 2-hour workouts five days a week for six months.  I always feel like garbage after working out.  I can’t possible exercise before work because after I’m done, I absolutely have to take a nap or I can’t function.  So, working out is a major struggle for me, and will continue to be.

The eating thing, however, that’s become a whole lot easier.  Back when I still had friends roommates, I would often do the cooking for the whole house.  Because, with the possible exception of Nate and Brett, I don’t know that I’ve ever had roommates that were anywhere near as proficient in the kitchen as I was.  Maybe I did, but I never found out, because I was always doing the cooking.  Anyway, when you cook, it’s all about combining ingredients and flavors to make a fantastic meal.  Eating for weight loss, for me, anyway, is a lot different.   It’s extremely difficult to accurately track your calories when you’re cooking meals with tons of ingredients. 

However, since living on my own, I’ve discovered that I don’t enjoy cooking as much for myself as I do for other people.  So naturally, my eating had gotten a lot simpler.  Previously, it was largely fast food.  No cooking, no clean-up, no problem.  But obviously, fast food isn’t so great for the whole weight loss thing, so that’s off the table.  However, when you cook and serve ingredients separately, it’s much easier to track your caloric intake.  For instance, if I wanted to make salmon before, I might have marinated the salmon in lime juice, honey, and green chile, then grill it, and serve it with a mango peach salsa and a large side of rich, cheesy risotto.  That simple recipe is actually very difficult to calculate the actual nutritional value without having to find out the values of each individual ingredient, which could take 30 minutes to look up online.  And if it takes longer to figure out the nutritional value of a recipe than it does to cook the meal, you’re not going to track your calories.

Instead, eating for weight loss is more about preparation methods than it is recipes.  It’s about eating just the food without all the extras.  For instance.  I now have a salmon fillet grilled or baked, some plain brown rice with 1/2 a teaspoon of butter, and steamed cauliflower.  Sure, it’s majorly lacking in the flavor department, but at least it’s easy to track exactly what I’m eating.  And tracking what you eat really is the only way to really lose weight. There is a scientific principle (I can’t remember the name and Google failed me) which states that it is impossible to observer or measure something without changing it somewhat.  That’s especially true when it comes to food intake.  You begin change what you eat because you see your calorie allowance been raped and pillaged by excruciatingly small amounts of food, so you start eating lower calorie foods naturally.  And by measuring, you actually limit your portions in a way that you wouldn’t if you weren’t tracking. 

So my eating has become much more healthy in the last two weeks…even if it’s been somewhat lacking in variety.

Breakfast: Oatmeal with 1/2 a banana almost every day.  Occasionally a "healthier" cold cereal with skim milk or peanut butter toast. Usually runs about 200-300 calories.

Lunch: Perhaps the greatest boon to my eating change is the presence of Chandry’s, a natural foods cafe in the food court in the commons at work.  We just moved into a new building complex in May of last year, and it has a huge commons area with a bank, post office, salon, gift shop, outdoor shop, and about 20 different restaurants.  Chandry’s has been my lifesaver.  All of their food is all natural, prepared very simply.  It’s a walk in the park to pick food to eat that is easy to measure.  Most days, I’ll have either roasted turkey, grilled chicken, or grilled fish, usually Tilapia or Salmon.  I’ll usually get some brown rice, a little fresh fruit, and some grilled veggies (carrots, zucchini, green beans). Lunch usually runs about 400 calories, and leaves me extremely full.

Dinner: This is where things get a little tricky for me.  I’m on a strict no fast food diet except for my cheat days (more on that later.)  So I’m cooking every single night.  Or, at the very least, re-heating in the microwave.  Occasionally I’ll have some baked salmon and rice for dinner, but usually, by the time I get home at the end of the day, I want something a little more "together."  So, I’ve been trying to find some recipes that are healthy, and already have the nutritional information figured out.  This week I had a stir-fry of steak strips with steamed veggies and soba noodles.  Tonight I made Vermicelli with roasted veggies and parmesan.  Next week I’m planning on making a pot of my amazing Turkey Meatball and Orzo soup which I will serve with steamed veggies on the side.  It’s a little harder to track recipes like this, but I try to make an effort for dinner, at least, because having something that’s more like a meal than like a bunch of individual elements make me long for my Panda Express Orange Chicken just a little less.  I usually try to keep my dinners to around 600 calories.

Snack: With the new year, work has axed the practice of allowing us lowly contractors to get overtime, which is totally fine for me, because I hate getting overtime.  I’d rather have more time off than get more money, thanks.  I also started on an earlier schedule (8-4) which means that I get home earlier in the day, and usually eat my dinner by 5:00 or 5:30.  I absolutely must have something else to eat before I go to bed otherwise I’ll wake up hungry in the middle of the night, and end up eating something that a) probably isn’t all that healthy and b) I will forget to track in my calorie count.  And usually, I try to satisfy my insatiable sweet tooth a little.  This is my biggest hurdle.  Most nights I have to talk myself down from the ledge of whipping up a quick Molten Chocolate Cake.  I did try making a grilled Peanut Butter and Banana sandwich after watching a segment on the Food Network, and I’m completely hooked.  I didn’t think I would like it, but it’s REALLY good.  Plus, it’s less than 200 calories if you do it right.  Either that, or I’ll have one of those 100 calorie bags of popcorn and an orange or apple.

For tracking my calorie spend, I’m using a really cool website called FitDay.com.  It allows you to track your food, your activity, and your weight.  And it’s free.  And since it’s accessible when I am at work as well as at home, I seem to do a better job of entering my food that I eat during the day.  In fact, since I eat my lunch at my desk, I usually take a few minutes to enter breakfast, lunch, and what I expect to have for dinner and my snack that night during my actual lunchtime.  It works well for me.

So, it’s the 13th of January, and I’m already down 9.6 pounds.  Just 14 more to go!

So this time around, I’m focusing my efforts a little more.  Rather than whittle away my giving dollars $1, $2, or $5 at a time through cash register donations, I am actively researching charities that do work I support, that are responsible stewards of the funds donated, and that make a real difference in the world.  I have a couple of charities on my list that mean a lot to me (a local no-kill animal shelter, for instance).  I have a pretty narrow world-view sometimes though, and so far my list of charities seems a little, for lack of a better word, unimportant in the grand scheme of things.  For example, I enjoy NPR a lot, and want to support them, but I have a hard time setting aside 50% of my giving budget to a radio news program when there are people starving all over the world.

So I would be interested to hear from my readers about their favorite charities.  Who do you give your money to?  I know that most of the people who read this blog probably give a good 10% (if not more) to the LDS church, and you can assume that if I know you’re LDS, then that’s a given.  I’m talking about the non-church related charities.  And how do you give?  Do you crochet blankets to send to third-world countries?  Do you give to micro-finance organizations.  Do you spend your weekends working on Habitat for Humanity projects?  Do you write a check or have a certain amount deducted from your account monthly?  Do you volunteer at the soup kitchen on the holidays?  And, more importantly, do you feel like your giving is actually appreciated by the recipients?  What giving do you do that you feel helps people get back on their feet and help themselves?  Or do you feel like it is more important to help those who simply can’t ever help themselves?

To help understand why I ask these particular questions, let me relate a story.  A few years ago, one of the wards that I attended had a service project where they went to the local Ronald McDonald House to prepare and serve a Thanksgiving dinner for the kids and their families stuck in the hospital over the holidays.  Great idea, right?  Well, the food was provided by the Ronald McDonald House, the House’s staff had done all the cooking, and all we were there to do was to stand behind the counter and dish out the food to the folks as they stood in line, like it was a school cafeteria.  In my mind, the RMH could have just as easily set it up buffet style, and done without 25-30 people standing around and getting in the way.  In fact, the feeling I got from the kitchen staff is that we were more of a nuisance than we were a help.  There weren’t even enough stations for everyone to have a chance to interact with the patients.  About half of the group stood back in the kitchen talking and joking, and never paying attention to the kids or their families.  Before the meal was even over, the group had disbanded to go back home with their families and enjoy their own Thanksgiving.  They didn’t mingle with/try to cheer up the kids, put on little skits or a talent show, or even help clean up the kitchen.  In the end, I heard several people say things like, "It really helps to remind me that other people have it so much harder than I do" or "This experience helped me feel thankful for the gift of health."  The whole purpose of the exercise, it turned out, was not to actually help people who needed it, but rather to serve as a reminder that other people had it worse off.  It was sterile, unimportant, and meaningless giving, in my mind. 

Don’t get me wrong.  If going to a homeless shelter on Thanksgiving and ladling out soup is really helpful, then I’m all for it.  But I’m not interested in sterile giving, or giving to assuage some sense of middle-class guilt.  I don’t want to give so I can remember how good I’ve got it.  Yeah, that may be a side effect of my participation or my giving, but that shouldn’t be the purpose for it.

So, readers, to whom do you give and why?  Help me consider a few options I’ve not considered before. 

This message is brought to you by the Matthew S. and Luke Q. Armstrong Foundation