Being Existential » One Off

A Christmas Project Follow-Up – Life is a Gift

Being Existential, Gratitude, Holidays 1 Response »

Mar 262011

A month or two before Christmas, I asked for some help from you, my loyal blog readers, for a little Christmas Project I wanted to put together. You can read the full story here but the short version of the story is that there is a young, single mother in my apartment complex with a few young children who (I got the feeling) was struggling with things. The oldest daughter was a bit of an outcast, and had let slip that the family was in rough shape financially. Thanks to some very generous help from folks who read the blog, I was able to put together a little financial gift which was left anonymously.

Since that time, I have learned several things about the young family that have struck me pretty deeply, and I wanted to share them with the people who helped me out in my little project.

Perhaps most significant, not to mention heart-rending, is that the oldest girl has brain cancer. I don't know how long she's been fighting it, but toward the end of the year, it took a turn for the worse. She has been going through pretty difficult treatments, and has lost of all her hair from the radiation. I don't know a lot of the details, but at the age of 9, at in the last couple of months, she has lost nearly all her eyesight due either to the tumors in her brain or the treatment to remove them. She's been in and out of Children's Hospital in Seattle, and right now, the prognosis isn't looking so great. I don't ever see her walking around outside anymore. She isn't able to go to school. Things are in a bad way.

For a large chunk of 2010, the mother had been unemployed. In the middle of January, she landed a job as a receptionist. I have heard that she is now working two jobs to make ends meet, but it's difficult because she has to be there to take care of her oldest daughter, not to mention the other two kids, one of whom isn't old enough to go to school yet. The mother, who is a very sweet lady, broke down in tears recently in the complex office because of the weight of everything she's trying to deal with. The more I get to know this woman, the more amazed I am at her strength and determination.

I didn't know any of this stuff when I selected this family for my little project. And I didn't know it when I handed off the small sum that we managed to put together. I only learned about some of it earlier today, and it's been haunting me (in both a good and bad way) all day long.

I am so grateful to those of you who helped me with this. I had no idea what all the family was going through when this all happened. I don't know how they felt about what was left for them. But I have to believe that it came as a help at a very difficult time.

I am so thankful that I have been so blessed to know so many generous people in my lifetime, and that you were willing to step up and help me help someone you've never met. I'm glad that I received the prompting to do this project, and you can rest assured that it will continue on in the future. And mostly, I want to publically state how grateful I am to have the things I have. This blog has often been an epic litany of complaints, but every once in a while, I get a proverbial slap in the face and realize just how good I have it. I have good and generous friends, a healthy body, money to cover my needs and many of my wants, a good job, a loving family, and so much more.

So again, thank you, thank you, thank you to those of you who contributed. Know that your help went to someone who really, truly needed it in ways I couldn't even begin to understand. Much love and even greater blessings.

Matt’s Favorite Moments #1–Choreographic Styles

Being Existential, Gratitude, Reminiscing 1 Response »

Feb 222011

I’ve been in a reminiscent mood lately. I’ve been thinking a lot about some of my favorite moments in life…the ones that really stick with you forever. As I’ve been thinking about that, I realized that, while they may stick with me forever, I’ve never really put them down on “paper.” There’s no record of my favorite moments. I don’t really keep a private journal, since there are very few things that I think or feel that I don’t put on my blog. That, and I just can’t seem to keep up my journal. So, I decided that I wanted to start committing some of my favorite moments in my life down in a more (semi) permanent format.

These favorite moments aren’t ranked in order of favoriteness, just in the order I happen to choose to write them.

Matt’s Favorite Moment #1 – Choreographic Styles

I auditioned for the Music Dance Theater program three times at BYU before I got in. I always got pretty good scores on my voice, and really good scores of my acting, but my dance scores were atrocious. Really, truly atrocious. I just wasn’t a very good dancer. It’s not that I didn’t have dance inside of me, it’s just that I had never danced before. I had never taken a class. I had never done a musical that required more than a basic box step.

When I finally got into the MDT program, I was woefully behind in dance. I picked up tap dancing (not LAP dancing, Jeff) very quickly, and became extremely proficient at Tap in pretty short order. But the other forms of dance, especially jazz, modern, and ballet, came very slowly to me, if at all. I just couldn’t get my body to do what I wanted it to do. And I really couldn’t get it to do what my Advanced Jazz teacher wanted it to do. I loved watching dance, and I was extremely jealous of all those really great dancers I was surrounded by on a daily basis, but my body just wouldn’t cooperate.

On top of that, so much of my dance training was focused on technique, that I never got to experience letting go of technique and just enjoying dance for dance’s sake. I, to this day, have a notoriously poor memory for dance steps, and I would regularly freak myself right the hell out trying to remember my choreography. In instances like that, it’s hard to just let yourself go.

My Jr. Year of College, I had to take Choreographic Styles, which was taught by one of my top three favorite teachers of all time, Dave Tinney. I’ve known a lot of really amazing people in my lifetime, but Dave Tinny is my hero. He is so disgustingly talented. (I could go on, but my artistic crush on Dave Tinney will have to be the topic of another blog post.)

Choreographic styles was a unique class. It wasn’t about technique. It was about experiencing the amazing dance styles of famous choreographers and then taking those experiences and ideas, and bending them into your own choreographic works.

The first main project we had to do was to take a famous choreographer, dissect one of their well-known dances, and teach it to the rest of the class. Kim Nelson and I were assigned Michael Peters, who is best known for choreographing many of Michael Jackson’s more popular works (Thriller, Beat It, etc.) Pretty much every couple in previous sections of the class assigned Mr. Peters taught Thriller. What many people didn’t realize is that Michael Peters also choreographed one of the best “bad” movies of all time: Sister Act II. So, Kim and I decided that we wanted to teach the “Joyful, Joyful” routine from the end of the movie. It was a blast. It’s not hard choreography, but for the first time in my life, I actually knew all the steps and I had to show them to someone else, instead of me looking around like I’m lost and asking other people for help. It was a lot of fun.

The second half of the class, Dave grouped us into pairs and gave us a topic or theme. We were then supposed to choreograph our own routine to that theme in whatever style we chose. I was paired with the incomparable Nicole Riding. Nicole is one of the best singers I’ve ever had the pleasure to listen to, and grew into an absolutely jaw-dropping actress during her time in school. But I don’t think she’d be mad at me for saying that she wasn’t known for being the best dancer in the program. Nobody would have mistaken our partnership as the dynastic dance duo of the class. For the theme of our dance, Dave selected Macbeth.

Nicole and I worked our butts off on this project. We eventually settled on the Train song Hopeless off the Drops of Jupiter album, and we opted to use the “Out Damn Spot” speech from Macbeth as the inspiration for the dance. A guilty woman’s descent into madness. And then, something just clicked. For the first time since I had started dancing and taking classes, I got to make up the movement. Nicole and I spent a long time working out the choreography in class and in the living room of my apartment, and we really liked what we came up with.

On the day we were to present, I wasn’t nervous at all. I was excited. I wanted to share our creation with the class. We taught the movement to the class, and then, as was the custom in the class, the “teachers” for the day sat up front with Dave and helped to grade all of the students in the class on their performance and execution.

It was, to be a little melodramatic, a thrilling experience. (Look. I got my degree in musical theater. What did you expect? Restraint?) Nicole and I sat there watching our classmates perform our dance. I can’t speak for Nicole, but when I saw someone really hit it, it’s like our little group of steps took on a new life. I learned for the first time how dance could transcend the steps and become something more than itself. It was, well, thrilling.

After the class was over, we had several people come up to us and say what a great job we had done, including Dave. Getting praise at all in that program was pretty rare for me (I was rarely brilliant), and due to my insecurities, I drank it up like a man wandering in the desert for days on end without any water. I wasn’t the best singer, my acting was always weak, and my dance? Well, we’ve covered that. But to get praise from someone I respected as much as I respect Dave Tinney meant a lot to me. And it was the only dance class other than Tap in which I ever earned an A.

Nearly 10 years have elapsed since the time Nicole and I choreographed Macbeth to a song from Train, but I think about that experience often. And every time the song Hopeless pops up on my Zune, I’m transported back to Room 15 in the KMB, sitting on the floor against the west wall of the studio, my back against the mirror, and watching my classmates, the people with whom I had spent my entire college career, bring something I had created to life.

When viewed through the lenses of hindsight, I have come to see how influential this experience would be in the way I was to conduct my life. I learned, during that class, perhaps more than at any other time in my college career, what it means to create. That class is part of the reason why I still try to write songs, start a novel every couple of years that only lasts about 10 pages, do photography, cook, learn computer programming languages. I keep trying to find that place where one of my creations takes on a life of its own. And it’s fun. It’s fun to have your work be recognized, praised. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does, it makes a lasting impression.

So, thanks Nicole, for being one of the best project partners I ever had. And thanks, Dave, for being such an amazing teach and a wonderful, yet completely reluctant, role model. Choreographic styles is still one of my favorite memories of my college career, and my adult life.

What the heck is that, up in the sky?

Being Existential, Gratitude, Ramblings 2 Responses »

Feb 192011

Well, it finally happened.

No, I didn't snap, go postal, and kill all of my co-workers with a ladle, then burn down the building while I danced naked in the parking lot. (What, what?)

No, today there was this really strange bright yellow-white thing in the sky that gave light and a small amount of heat to the world. It was the strangest phenomenon. And the sky was this really unusual color…it was like a cross between green and grey. It's hard to describe. In any case, it was totally weird. But Luke seemed to like it. Come to think of it, so did I.

So, today, while that strange yellow orb slowly travelled across the strange-colored sky that was unusually devoid of clouds, Luke the dog and I took a nice long walk along the Sammamish River Trail, visited the library, and even went to Dairy Queen for lunch. (There are doggy droll streaks all down the driver's side door of my car to prove it.)

And then a nap. I can't really explain it, because it seems counter-intuitive, but I really like taking naps when that funny golden ball is floating in the sky. I seem to sleep better when that orblight is shining in my face. I live on the ground floor, so when I take my naps, I usually close the blinds, because, you know, it's really rather creepy to have people walking by your windows, looking in at you taking a nap. Especially since I sleep in the nude on top of my covers. Well, except for the pair of bejeweled, pink Minnie Mouse ears that I wear to bed every night. It just makes for some awkward interactions with my neighbors.

But today, I didn't even care. I crawled under the covers, positioned myself directly in the sole spot of orblight filtering through my window, and I'm sure I slept so hard that my neighbors could see the drool spots on my pillow from outside of the apartment. Even Luke the dog got into the napping action, curling up next to me to also bask in the orblight.

It was a nice, if extremely unusual day. I hope that nifty new orb comes back tomorrow. I always seem to be in a better mood whenever it comes around.

In other news, I'm trying to learn how to program apps for the iPhone. The language that is used to program iPhone apps is called Objective-C, and it's a beast. I'm not much of a programmer anyway. I mean, I know my way around basic website design and the like, but nobody would be hiring me to program the trajectories for the space shuttle or anything. (I suppose they could. But the results would end up being pretty humorous. Or tragic. Extremely tragic.) But I've decided that I WILL learn Objective-C. At least until another bright shiny comes along and I get roped into that. I'm thinking that my drive to learn Objective-C will probably get interrupted by a revival of either my desire to become a world-class chef and restauranteur or a famous pop songwriter. I think both of those mad desires are due to make a comeback sometime within the next six months. Or maybe I'll take up tap dance again.

In any case, things are starting to look up. The spring flowers are starting to peek up from the mud bogs. The funny yellow orb has visited. My two weeks carrying the work pager will be up on Monday, and I might actually get a whole night's uninterrupted sleep for the first time in two weeks. Luke the dog has stopped being such a jerk, I managed to buy the whole week's groceries for $35, and I got a new video game to play. Let's just hope all of this happiness can carry me through the snow storm that's predicted for this Thursday

By Grapthar’s Hammer…

Angry Matt, Being Existential, Ramblings, Whine 4 Responses »

Feb 082011

Just so we're clear, the title of this blog post has nothing to do with anything, except the fact that I just happened to watch Galaxy Quest again recently, and, you know, it just popped into my head. And now, without further ado, my disjointed blog post:

Let's call a spade a spade, shall we?

You're a spade.

Ladies and gentlemen, I don't know about you but I. HAVE. HAD. IT. I have had it with winter, with rain, with mud, with gray, cloudy skies. HAD. IT. I have oft proclaimed my love for Seattle and the surrounding environs, but this winter has me seriously considering a move to some other part of the country where they don't get so much rain. Of course, if the alternative is 4 feet of snow covered with three inches of freezing rain, then perhaps six months of ankle-deep mud isn't such a bad trade off. I just need to win the lottery so I can become a snowbird and migrate down to Arizona for five months a year.

No, but seriously. I'm not generally what one might consider a "peppy" person. I'm never particularly "upbeat" or "positive." I'm rarely "happy" or "ebullient." (Don't worry. I had to look up how to spell that word.) Instead, I'm "sarcastic" or "pissy." I act "crabby" because either I am "crabby" or I think being "crabby" is "funny." (And now I'm going to stop with the incorrectly-utilized quotation marks. I'm nothing if not sensitive to the overuse of a poor grammatical joke.) These days, I'm so unpleasant to be around, I don't even like hanging out with myself. I've been pretty stinking unhappy for the last couple of months, and I'm getting tired of it.

The only problem is that I can't, for the life of me, figure out how to get out of this funk that I'm in. Or perhaps it's not a funk. Perhaps it's a rut. I feel like I need something different. I don't even know what that something would be, but lawsy, I'm just so freakin' blase about the world these days.

But…

I've been trying not to vomit my aimless Gen-X self-pitying across my blog as much as I used to, which is why the number of my blog posts has dwindled significantly. I need something to get me all riled up. But, as my father often says, "You've got to care to get angry."

Anyway, I've got a couple of ideas for non-self-pitying blog posts that I want to write and I'll probably start working on in the next couple of days. I've also been toying around with the idea of releasing an audio version of me reading each blog post. I'm not really sure why I thought of that, or if that may just be the stupidest thing ever, but I may play around with it. Just to do something a little different.

Or maybe I just need to get laid. I wonder what a balding, overweight, red-headed male prostitute can make these days. (On a semi-related note, my old boss emails me now and again and always starts his emails with the salutation, "Hey Matt. How's tricks." I'm not sure he knows what that means. If he does, it's pretty funny. If he doesn't, it's WAY funnier.)

In any case, I'm sure I speak for most of you when I say that I'm ready for spring and summer to be here. I've had my FILL of winter weather. I think it's time we gather an angry mob and go lynch mother nature. That evil b@#$% has been in power long enough. WHO'S WITH ME!

Cranky.

Being Existential No Responses »

Jan 162011

So, you may have noticed that I’m not blogging much these days. For a while there, it was because I was super-busy trying to get all kinds of things finished. Then I was gone for the holidays. Now we’re back into the swing of things, and I’m not blogging because, to be quite honest, I’m in a really cranky mood lately.

Even crankier than usual, if you can believe it.

I’ve made a pretty conscious effort lately not to spew all of the melodramatic longings of my inner soul across the Internets for the world to read. For one, I know that it’s not particularly pleasurable to listen to other people complain constantly. Also, I’m tired of it. I’m tired of trying to come up with cogent ways of describing my feeling my guilt-ridden self-doubt and hyperemotional social retardation. So, I’m not. (Trying to come up with cogent ways of describing them, that is. I don’t have the self-determination to control my emotions.)

I’ve come to realize though, that when I’m not bemoaning my station in life, I have precious little to talk about. The things that bring me peace and comfort are, well, boring. Really boring.

Also, this time of year is always a swirling cesspool of unsettled angst and drab weather. Normally around this time of year, I’m packing up my belongings and moving into a new apartment, which usually takes my mind of the nastiness of the weather for at least a few weeks. But this year, I’m staying in the same apartment, so no such luck.

Money’s still quite tight. My rent increased, my health insurance went up, my utilities went up, gas is higher, groceries are more expensive, my renter’s and auto insurance increased, I have to get new brakes on the car, my dog needs his shots, and I haven’t been to the dentist in about two years. So I can’t even turn to my regular temporary cure-all…shopping.

So, I’m cranky and hating the weather. There’s my blog update for the next three months.

On a lighter note (literally), I’m still making progress, albeit slow progress, toward my weight loss. I can’t abide exercise, so I’m going to be stuck with managing my weight loss via food intake. That will slow it down a little bit. But I’m fairly certain there’s something wrong with me physically, because I simply can’t force myself to exercise. I NEVER feel good after exercise. I never get that endorphin rush you’re supposed to get. Even when I was spending 10-15 hours a week lifting weights at the gym, I never felt good afterward. So, instead, I’m trying to eat more healthily.

(I’d go to the doctor to have some tests done, but you know, my company so very kindly massacred my health insurance benefits starting at the beginning of the year, so now none of my visits are covered until I spent $1,500 out of pocket first. And I don’t have anywhere near that much available at the moment.)

I made a really awesome Chicken and Hominy tortilla soup last week. And also a ziti with roasted shallots and zucchini that was quite good. And tonight I made a frittata with fingerling potatoes and sautéed brussel sprout leaves (which sounds quite unappealing, but was actually exceptionally good. Brussel sprouts are much better when you don’t eat them whole.)

So, in summary: I’m in the midst of a general malaise. And I don’t think I’m the only one. Seems to be going around right now. Bad weather, the end of the holidays, and the resumption of the daily grind…they seem to be wearing on a lot of people. So, if I don’t blog for a while, you’ll forgive me. Ain’t nobody need to hear me complain any more than I usually do.

Peace!

The 2011 Goals, Awesome Risotto

Being Existential, Food, Health, Living It Up, Resolutions 1 Response »

Jan 022011

As was alluded to in an earlier post, this year, I am eschewing my normal list of 10 resolutions and instead, am focusing on two, and only two goals, for the year.

1) Lose 25 pounds.

I started the year (December 27th, technically) at a particularly lumpy 202.3 pounds. I get out of breath walking up stairs. My lower back always hurts. My clothes don’t fit, and I (out of principle) refuse to buy bigger clothes. I have CONSTANT heartburn. I experience uncontrollable cravings for fried foods. It’s gotten out of control. So, I’m on a diet. It’s a “eat homemade, healthy meals with moderate portion sizes and count your calories” diet. I’m trying to subsist on about 2050 calories a day, although that number goes up if I exercise. (That way, exercise can be used as a gating factor for a treat. You want a banana split from dairy queen? Fine. Go run on the treadmill for 48 minutes first.) I get one day a week to not count calories or portion sizes. I’m going mostly vegetarian, and will try to limit my meat intake (especially beef) to no more than twice a week. (Not including my cheat day).

Another small change that I’m making is that I’m only going to be shopping for a few days at a time now, instead of for an entire week at a time. I find that if I only shop for the next few big meals, I end up spending SIGNIFICANTLY less money, buy less junk food, and throw away a lot less spoiled produce than I have in the past.

I’m using http://www.mynetdiary.com to track my calories and exercise. It’s a fantastic website, and has a really amazing iPad/iPhone app. I’m starting to build out my recipe box of healthy recipes at Epicurious.com, which has a really great recipe collection in addition to some cool features to add your own recipes. I’m also using a great app for my Android phone which uses GPS and the accelerometer to track my time and distance on my runs/walks. It gives me little badges for hitting certain numbers of calories burned in a 7-day period.

I’ve had some decent success so far, but the last major thing that I’m doing is that I’m not going to weigh myself every day like I have in the past. There’s just far too much variation from day to day to be helpful. Instead, I’m going to weigh myself in every Thursday morning first thing when I get up. Thursday is ideal, because my cheat day is usually going to be either Friday or Saturday, and then I’ll need to get back into the habit starting on Sunday. That will allow me to make some decent progress. (Ideally). Then I’ll post my weight on Twitter in order to help motivate me to improve week over week.

Let’s just hope that this won’t fizzle out like, well, pretty much every major lifestyle change I try to make.

2) Go on a real vacation

The last “real” vacation that I went on was in June of 2008, two and a half years ago. I left from Washington, drove down to Utah for a few days, picked up a friend in Provo, drove down to LA, picked up two friends from the airport, went to Disneyland for a few days, then drove up the Pacific Coast Highway to San Simeon to tour the Hearst Castle. It was a very cool vacation, and a lot of fun.

This Christmas when I was home, I started to realize that I am in a unique position. I am single, I have a job which affords me a fairly decent amount of paid time off every year, I get a decent-sized bonus every year in August, and I don’t have any children. (Unless you count my dog as a child…which I usually do to a certain extent. But it’s easy to take a dog to a boarding facility.) I’ve seen a large chunk of Europe, but there are things that I’ve never done, and that I want to do. I’ve never been to Disney World and all the parks down there. I’ve never seen Mount Rushmore, or been to Yosemite. I’ve never been south of the border. I want to go to Australia and New Zealand. I want to see Switzerland. I MUST get back to Norway, Denmark, and Spain. I want to see Ireland and Scotland. I want to visit Alaska. I want to go to Tahiti. Or Hawaii. I want to take pictures of all of them. And, perhaps more than anything else, I want to swim with dolphins.

I love spending time with my family, but let’s be honest, for the last two years, the only time I’ve left Redmond, let alone Washington, was to visit my family. And as nice as it is to see them, Syracuse, Utah is not a hotbed of activity, nightlife, culture, or food. Sometimes it’s just nice to relax, but I’m still young, and sometimes I want to go out and experience new things.

So, while I was home, I found the website for a dophin swimming expedition company based off the northern coast of the Bahamian island of Bimini. Wild dolphins. The company has a 97’ yacht that sleeps twelve plus the crew, they have all the scuba equipment you’ll need. Meals are provided. It looks heavenly.

I was originally planning on going this year, but I don’t think I’ll be able to have enough money saved up to go before the Hurricane season rolls around, and I would just as soon not spend the money to go down to the Bahamas and then get stuck down there in the rainy season. (If I wanted to see rain, I’d just open up my blinds.) So the trip to Bimini is planned for 2012.

I still haven’t decided when/where I’m going for 2011, but I will likely stay within the United Stated. I thought I might fly back to the midwest to visit my grandparents and brother (and his family) for a few days, then fly on to New York. I went to New York back in 2003 when I went with my graduating class from BYU, but I had a miserable time when I went. I had been spending nearly every waking hour with a batch of 20 musical theater people for the last several months getting ready for this show, and they were grating on my nerves. Rather than having time to experience New York, we had a very tight schedule of classes, rehearsals, and showcase performances for agents. I was completely ignored by agents, and didn’t get a callback at all. There was one individual in particular who was driving me so bat-crap crazy that I probably would have tossed him into the East River in cement shoes if the opportunity had arisen. So it wasn’t a great experience, and it’s rather tainted my opinion of New York ever since. I may try that this year.

I might take a summer cruise up to Alaska. I’d like to go to Disneyland again, if I could get someone to go with me. (Single 33-year old man alone in Disneyland just screams “creepy pedophile” in a way that few other things can.) I hear Austin, Texas is a pretty cool place, although I’m not sure it’s vacation-worthy. I might go back to Toronto. That was a very cool city. Or maybe Chicago.

So, I’m not sure what I’ll be doing this year, but at least 1/3 of my bonus will be going toward a vacation this year. A real vacation. Doing something fun. That I want to do. That is a new experience.

So, those are my two goals.

***

On a tangentially related note, I made a really excellent Risotto with Butternut Squash, Leeks, and Basil tonight for dinner. The recipe is super-easy, and it makes enough to act as an entrée for six people, easily. You can find the recipe on Epicurious here:

http://www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/views/Risotto-with-Butternut-Squash-Leeks-and-Basil-362289

It’s only 369 calories for 1/5th of the entire recipe. I also used chicken broth instead of vegetable stock, because I had a bunch of chicken broth in my freezer from when I made Chicken and Dumplings before Christmas. Highly recommended. It’s very yummy. And I’ll find out tomorrow how well it re-heats.

Obligatory End Of 2010 Post

Being Existential, Pictures, Reminiscing 1 Response »

Dec 312010

Well, here we are at last. End of the year. Um. Yeah.

2010 was, by all accounts, a strange year. But in retrospect, it was a pretty good one. For me, there were really only two major events in the year that made a big impact.

1) I got a new job in June

2) I had an emotional meltdown in October over thoughtless words delivered over a pulpit.

The first item had been a long time coming, and I was fortunate to find what I believe is a pretty good fit (albeit with less-than-stellar health care. Grumble.) The second issue was indicative of a much larger and much deeper internal struggle that I’ve been dealing with for the great majority of my life.

I spent most of 2010 alone. Not in the “OMG I’m so lonely I’m going to sit in the bathtub in the dark and listen to Sarah McLaughlin while eating Rocky Road ice cream and crying” kind of way, but more in the “I enjoy being in my own company” sort of way. I spent a lot of time trying to get comfortable in my own skin. I wasn’t completely successful, but 2010 ushered in a level of self-introspective peace that was new to me.

I spent the year taking photos, playing games, watching TV and movies, reading, cooking, shopping, cleaning, working, walking the dog, programming websites, fast forwarding through commercials, and wishing for things that weren’t to be…and some that were. I watched friends and family members find joy in life, and struggle through the heartache of disappointed dreams. I was much more of a spectator than a participant in life, and I think that, overall, it was a good thing for me to step out of myself and just watch the world. I’ve learned a lot by watching this year.

I started with my usual “set a butt-ton of goals and report on them once a month.” Then I abandoned it. I came to realize that my goals were all about making me a better person, but my insistence on focusing on my goals meant I wasn’t happy with myself the way I was.

I talked on the phone with my parent probably 250 of the 365 days in the year. I tried to talk with my brother and sister at least once a week. I went to Utah in May for a short visit. My sister came to Seattle of visit in July. My friend Mukluk came in February to check out the University and spent a few days here. I went to the zoo three times. I drove into Seattle more times in 2010 than I have since I moved out of the city in 2007. I watched far fewer movies at the theater, and a lot more of them at home.

I stopped watching TV almost entirely. I swore off Facebook and Twitter, and still only manage to check in once a week or so. I got a piano, and try to play at least 30 minutes every day. I got an iPad, and use it much more than 30 minutes a day. I read and/or listened to at least 30 books, and only seven of them were repeats of the books I’d read before. (Guess which seven that would be?)

2010 was the 7th wettest year on record for Seattle. It was cold and rainy until July 5th, and then started again by September. It rained so much the dock at my apartment was underwater by December 10th. It snowed on Thanksgiving week and brought the city to a halt.

So, 2010 wasn’t an amazing year. It wasn’t (for me anyway) a horrible year. It was just a year. A year where nothing major happened…just living. And for the first time in my living memory, "just living” was enough for me.

2011 is here, and I look forward to see where it carries me, and where I manage to go on my own. My theme for the year is “Simplify,” and I’ve already started in. Happy New Year to everyone, and best wishes for a wonderful 2011.

And now, to round off the year, here are a few of my favorite photos from 2010:

Happy New Year!

Grateful Things

Being Existential, Family, Food, Friends, Gratitude, Holidays, Luke The Dog, Ramblings, Random, The Technology Whore, Work No Responses »

Nov 142010

As previously mentioned, I may not decorate for Thanksgiving, but I do celebrate Thanksgiving. As a natural complainer, I, of all people, need to be reminded of lucky I have been in my life. Here are a few of the things I’m grateful for:

***

I ran into one of my old co-workers today, and I was again reminded how grateful I am for my job. I’m grateful that I am able to work for a company that treats its employees more like human beings and less like expendable resources. I’m grateful that I have health insurance. I’m grateful that, despite having worked there for less than six months, and having already taken two paid days off, I have nearly two weeks of paid time off accumulated. I’m grateful that I don’t have to clock my down down to the minute, and I don’t have to get approval to leave work 15 minutes early, because there is no rigid schedule.

***

I’m grateful for living in such a beautiful area. This is beautiful, not only because of the wonderful summer weather, the beautiful scenery, and the clean air, but because of the people. Of all of the places I have ever lived, I don’t think I’ve ever lived anywhere where the people were more accepting of differences. I think it’s due to the higher education level, the extremely diverse population, and the overall liberal feel of the place, but the people here just don’t seem to get so worked up over other people’s choices.

***

I’m grateful for the Internet. I’ve basically grown up with the Internet. I started using the net regularly in 1992 when I got my very first 2400 baud modem. Since then, I’ve basically lived online. You can argue whether this is a blessing or a curse, but it has become a major part of my life—one that I would be hard pressed to live without. I’ve been able to have fun, learn new skills, get and give support, make money, spend a whole lot more money, and share the things I create. I’m grateful for that young man from Lansing who just gave me his old, leftover modem to experiment with so I could join the revolution so early. (It’s strange to think that the Internet as we know it now hasn’t even been around for 20 years yet. When I started getting online, it was using Lynx and Gopher. There weren’t any graphical websites, and certainly no such thing as e-commerce. Things move quickly in the technological age, don’t they?

***

I’m grateful for my family. We don’t live close together, and haven’t for a long time. But I still feel very close with them. I’m grateful that they love me no matter what, and that even though I make choices that they may not agree with, that doesn’t diminish their love for me or mine for them. Considering what I have seen many of my friends go through with their families, I’m not really sure how I got so lucky to have mine, but I’m glad I did.

***

I’m glad that I can write in my blog, take photos, write songs, play video games, play with the dog, record audiobooks, go shopping, cook (and eat), and do all of the other things that I do in the course of my life that bring me enjoyment. I’m grateful that I get to set my own schedule, make my own rules, and live the way I want to live. I’m grateful that I can decorate for Christmas a month early. I’m grateful for my dog, my iPad, and my Tivo. I’m grateful for a car that, in five years, has only needed oil changes, new tires, and (as of this moment) new brakes. I’m grateful for my friends.

***

I’m grateful for lots of other things too, but I think I’m going to limit my schmaltziness to this list. For now, anyway. With Thanksgiving right around the corner, I felt like I had to throw in at least one Gratitude post. Last of all, I’m extremely grateful for Kaspars, the place where I have Thanksgiving dinner every years that I’m not with family. Because this is what my Thanksgiving dinner will consist of:

Carved Turkey with Rosemary, Lemon and Black Pepper Rub
Pike Place Market Ale and Honey Glazed Ham
Old Fashioned Gravy
Cranberry, Orange and Cinnamon Sauce
Annabelle’s Savory Celery, Sweet Onion & French Bread Stuffing Corn Bread Stuffing with Crispy Oysters
Whiskey Barbecue Pulled Pork
Maple Vanilla Bean Sweet Potatoes
Country Style Red Skin Garlic Mashed Potatoes
Brussels Sprouts with Shallots and Crispy Bacon
Butternut Squash, Spinach, Ricotta Cheese and Walnut Cannelloni Baked Macaroni and Cheese with Fine Herb Bread Crumb Crust
Dungeness Crab Champagne Bisque
Northwest Seafood Stew with Sun Dried Tomatoes and Basil
Black Bean and Cojito Cheese Quesadilla with Pico de Gallo
House Smoked Wild Salmon with Honey Rum Glaze
Chilled Prawn Cocktail with Horseradish Tomato Cocktail Sauce
House Smoked Penn Cove Mussels
Olive Oil Poached Albacore Tuna with Watercress and Red Bell Pepper Pesto
Roasted Cauliflower Salad with Curried Garlic Dressing
Spanish Red Snapper Escabéche Deviled Eggs with Dungeness Crabmeat Orzo Salad with Green Vegetables and Green Goddess Dressing
Caesar Salad with Focaccia Croutons and Parmesan Dressing
Thai Noodle Beef Salad with Mint, Cucumber and Lemon Dressing
Greek Vegetable Salad with Feta and Kalamata Olives
Red Cabbage and Apple Slaw with Brown Sugar Dressing
Roasted Winter Vegetable Salad with Balsamic Vinaigrette
Tomato, Basil and Fresh Mozzarella Salad
Caramelized Onion and Three Cheese Tart
Balsamic Onions with Oregon Blue Cheese
LePuy Lentil Salad with Chicken Cilantro Meatballs
Roasted Beet, Pear, Spiced Granola Salad
Ricotta Tortellini Salad with Autumn Squash and Crispy Sage Seasonal Fruit Platters
International Cheese Selection with Sesame Crackers, Focaccia, Walnut Bread, Challah, Savory Scones, Cilantro Jalapeño Corn and Bacon Muffins
Pumpkin Pie
Pecan Sweet Potato Pie
Crème Brûlée
Cranberry Tiramisu
Rustic Apple Tart
Cheesecake
Cookies
Chocolate Mousse
Banana Betty
and Many More!

The Pyro Patrol

Being Existential, Ramblings, Reminiscing No Responses »

Nov 082010

So, like most good little Mormon boys, I was in scouts when I was younger. Unlike most good little Mormon boys, though, I HATED scouts. I still do hate scouts. It just wasn’t my thing. I had great scout leaders, including my dad, who was awesome as a scout leader, but I just wasn’t into it all that much. I did it mostly because, at the time, it was part of the activity arm of the church for young men. I don’t know if it still is or not, but at the time, it was just what you did.

I may not have enjoyed most of the things about scouting, but there was one thing I always loved. The fire. Let’s face it. I’m just a pyromaniac at heart. Except I only like setting things on fire that should be on fire: things like firewood, junkmail, or Sarah Palin.

My favorite memory of scouts (aside from the truly epic snipe hunt that we sent a bunch of scouting noobs on one year at summer camp) was the time around the campfire. Seriously, once the sun would set, and it would get dark, there was nothing I loved more than gathering around the campfire for a few hours and talking and laughing while the food cooked over the glowing coals. And, much like any food that is deep fried tastes better, any food that is cooked over a campfire tastes better as well.

In fact, my whole group of friends from scouts loved playing with fire…literally. Jeremy, Ryan, Nathan, Trent, Terryl, and I were so enamored with fire that we quickly gained the nickname “The Pyro Patrol.” But boy howdy, we could build up a fire better’n anybody.

Heck, I even like chopping wood. And if I still lived somewhere with a yard, I’d probably still be chopping wood on occasion.

Fortunately, when I moved into my new apartment, I was able to move back into an apartment with a fireplace…and I have already gotten much good use out of it this year. I had a truly miserable day today at work, and the first thing I did was stoke up a good fire. Then I made a pot of homemade chicken noodle soup, plopped myself in front of the television with my electric blanket, and turned off my mind while I watched television.

The only thing better than a fire is a fire build on a beach next to the water. Because then you put my two favorite things together in one place, and for those few hours, all is right with the world.

In this modern day and age, people freak out when you talk about burning fires…particularly when they aren’t necessary for warmth or light. Well, all I have to say to that is, “Suck it.” Quite frankly, if my once-a-week fireplace infernos are killing the environment, then so be it. I’m all for being environmentally conscious, but not to the point of denying myself the opportunity to indulge in the true beauty of a crackling fire at night. Shoot. Throw a perfectly decorated Christmas tree and a fuzzy yellow dog in the mix, and I’m in heaven.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some Jumbo Marshmallows that need roasting. (PS. Marshmallows are one of Luke the Dog’s favorite foods. Just so you know.)

Indian Summer

Being Existential, Gratitude, Holidays, Living It Up, Luke The Dog, Media, Pictures, Random, Television 1 Response »

Nov 072010

I’m not one to look a gift horse in the mouth. What does that even mean? Just a sec…

According to the Internets:

This proverb is based on the fact that a horse’s value is determined by his age, which, in turn, can be roughly determined by an examination of his teeth. The message conveyed is that a gift should be appreciated for the thought and spirit behind it, not according to its value. St. Jerome, who never accepted payment for his writings, first used the phrase in reply to his literary critics. His exact words: "Never inspect the teeth of a gift horse."

Which doesn’t actually apply to what I wanted to write about, but never mind. Idiomatic usage trumps actual meaning always. So let it be written, so let it be done.

Anyway, what I meant to say before I rode the Google horse off into the sunset forever is that today was beautiful. Stunningly beautiful. This week, winter took a little siesta and let us enjoy just a little bit more autumn. Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday it was warm and sunny. It got up to 74 on Thursday. Then, Friday and Saturday, it went back to winter: cold and rainy. Then, this morning I work up and there was sun. I suppose, if we still have to continue to practice the arcane tradition of Daylight Saving Time (note: NOT Daylight SavingS time), then a beautiful fall day is the least that could be expected in return.

I took Luke down to the park, and let him off his leash, since we were up at the butt crack of dawn (see: Daylight Saving Time). It was so nice outside, and the clouds so interesting that as soon as we got home, I loaded up my camera a tripod and went back to the park to take some pictures of the last of the fall foliage. I also wanted to use my new tripod to take some HDR photos. The picture above is one of the results of that.

Then, a couple of naps, a few loads of laundry, a loaf of homemade bread, a piece of key lime pie, another couple of dog walks, and four solid hours of video game time, I figured I should come back to the blog.

It was a very, very good day.

***

On a completely unrelated note, I wanted to revisit my blog post about giving an anonymous gift at Christmas. So, the morning after I wrote that blog post, I got an email from an old high school friend. He sent a very generous donation to my Christmas Project, but wanted to play "devil’s advocate" a bit. Basically, there were a few things that he wanted me to think on:

What if giving this family money would offend them.
I don’t KNOW for sure that they’re needy
I probably shouldn’t get other people in the complex involved because I don’t want them to become "the family that’s poor and needs help."

I had actually been thinking along those same lines, and came to a couple of conclusions. First, I agree that getting a whole bunch of other people involved, no matter how well-intentioned, probably isn’t the best of ideas. I think I’m going to rely on the good old postal service.

Secondly, I’m not going to turn it into a big production number. (I have a tendency to do that sometimes…who know that all those years in theatre would influence me so negatively?)

Third, I will include a quick message saying something along the lines of "If you can use this money to help with your holiday expenses, my only ask is that you remember this and try to ‘pay it forward’ some time in the future when you are able. if you don’t need this money, please pass it along to someone who does." Only I won’t use the phrase "pay it forward" because, for some reason, I just really hate that phrase. I think it’s from watching The Biggest Loser where it gets said 374 times each episode.

Fourth, and most importantly, I’m going to stop talking about it. I didn’t originally bring it up on the blog to toot my own horn, but mostly to see if anyone else out there wanted to help. (PS, if you want to help, read how HERE!) But, if I keep talking about it, then really, it just sounds show-offy. And goodness knows I can’t do that well enough all on my own.

***

On the recommendation of Orson Scott Card, I have started watching the Nickelodeon series Avatar: The Last Airbender. I have to say…I’m actually fairly impressed. I despise Anime and Anime-style shows, but I’m really enjoying this. I think that, because it is an American-made show, it helps significantly. The stories, writing, and acting are quite good. The animation style is a little primitive, but not so much so that I bothers me. If you have Netflix streaming, I’d recommend it. It’s very good, and has that Harry Potter-ish young-child-trying-to-take-on-a-task-that’s-far-too-big-for-him-and-save-the-world thing going on.

Older Entries Newer Entries

A Christmas Project Follow-Up – Life is a Gift

Matt’s Favorite Moments #1–Choreographic Styles

What the heck is that, up in the sky?

By Grapthar’s Hammer…

Cranky.

The 2011 Goals, Awesome Risotto

Obligatory End Of 2010 Post

Grateful Things

The Pyro Patrol

Indian Summer

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