Places I’m Not Allowed to Go

So, I’m thinking of starting a new feature here at the One Off Blog called "Places I’m Not Allowed to Go" in which I shame myself publically for having no self control over the spending of money.  There are certain stores which have an almost siren-like allure to me, calling me into a whirling vortex of spending from which I can never escape.  Today’s featured store?  Kohl’s.

I don’t really know why, but something about Kohl’s is like crack to me.  Whoever designed their retailing concept is an absolute genius.  For those of you who don’t understand the joy that is Kohl’s, first I will weep for you, then I will explain.  Kohl’s is like a cross between JC Penny and Target, but with better clothes and decor, much lower prices, and aerosolized crack pumped through the HVAC system. You can get clothing, shoes, home decor, kitchen, bed, and bath stuff, and small appliances.  They usually have a very good selection of stuff, and reasonable prices.

The thing about Kohl’s, however, is not what they are selling, but HOW they sell it.  It’s hard to go to Kohl’s and find something that’s not on sale.  Usually, pretty much everything is on sale all the time.  They have regular promotions using "Kohl’s Cash" where, for every $50 you spend, they give you a gift certificate for another $10.  If you put your purchase on your Kohl’s card, they let you do a scratch-off thing to see if you get an additional 15%, 20%, or 30% off your entire order.  You can always get coupons for something.  And it’s not like they jack up their regular prices in order to offset the discounts.  You can find identical or comparable items at the non-discounted price at any major retailer.  I don’t know how they manage to do it, but they do.

The result of all this discount chicanery is that I am NEVER able to walk into Kohl’s with a list of specific items I need and walk out without something I didn’t need.  All those 75% off signs just do me in.

Case in point: Last night, I needed to get new pillows as part of my biannual pillow replacement project due to my propensity to drool while I sleep.  I wanted to get two queen pillows, and that’s it.  Well, the pillows, normally priced $20 were 50% off.  While I was looking at the pillows I noticed that, on the endcap behind me, there were bedspreads on sale for 80% off.  I recently got a new bed and mattress pad, and my existing bedspread wasn’t big enough with the extra height to be tucked in…something that’s mandatory if you have a platform bed.  So I found a bedspread for $30 after discount.  Since I got a new bedspread, and I had new pillows, I needed to get new sheets as well, because my old sheets were the deep-pocket kind, so they didn’t really fit on my mattress.  But that was okay, because they were 600 count sheets and were 60% off.  And I also had to get matching pillow cases, which were 75% off.  Then, I figured that, since they were having such a great sale on bed and bath items, that I should pick up some new towels for the guest room since the towels I have in there are like using terrycloth sandpaper.  They were 50% off. 

And, of course, I put the whole amount on my Kohl’s card (don’t worry, I’ll pay it all off next bill), which netted me an extra 15% off the whole order.  Overall, I got about $350 worth of stuff for about $130, AND, I got $20 in Kohl’s Cash which I can use starting on Monday–which is awesome right?  Except for the part where I was only supposed to go into the store to get two queen-sized pillows.  And that is why Kohl’s has now been added to the list of "Places I’m Not Allowed to Go."

Coming up Next: Fry’s Electronics, Guitar Center.