We Are the World...Unfortunately

So, as many of you probably know, just recently, a group of popular singers got together to remake the old Michael Jackson & Lionel Richie song "We Are the World" in an effort to raise money for Haiti…a laudable goal.  However, the resulting product was…well…judge for yourself. 

First, for reference sake, the original:

Then, by comparison, the remake. (You’ll have to fast forward to about 1:30 to get into the actual video and past the telemarketing)

Wow.  Just wow.

Both casts had groups of people who could actually sing well, and some who couldn’t.  (Bob Dylan?  Really?)  But at least the ones who couldn’t sing were actually talented musicians and songwriters.  But the balance between the two is way off.

Let’s look at the list of really talented singers…whether or not you like their work, you can’t deny that they can really sing:

I was going to list the really bad singers, from each one, but I realized that I don’t know 80% of the bad singers from the newer version.

But to really tell the quality of the productions apart, look at what happens when everyone is singing.  1984′s Quincy Jones was able to wrangle a room full of egos into singing together, blending, and not trampling all over the song.  2010′s Quincy Jones is apparently too old and enfeebled to wrangle a room full of far-less-talented, but far larger egos into any sort of cohesive unit.  It’s like everyone in the room decided that they were going to sing a solo, dammit, even if it didn’t fit, stepped on someone else, or just plain sounded bad.

And then look at the folks in the chorus of the new version who didn’t get to sing solos:  Brandy, Natalie Cole, Harry Connick Jr., India Arie, Gladys Knight, Katharine McPhee, Jordin Sparks, Robin Thicke, Rob Thomas, Ann, Brian, and Nancy Wilson.

Also, the 1985 version didn’t need autotune.  Can someone please explain to me why, in the name of all that’s good and holy, they let Lil’ Wayne and T-Pain "sing?"  If you can’t sing without autotune, then don’t sing.  Don’t even come to the studio.  It was just painful.  And what’s with that moron, Wyclef Jean, who doesn’t even try to sing, but just scream-yodels the sustain of every single note.  Or was that Akon?  I can’t tell.  (I didn’t mind the "rap" in the middle of the new version, but the rest of it…disaster.)

25 years later, and I was able to watch the original version of this song and recognize almost every single one of the performers, despite the fact that the original was recorded when I was only seven years old.  I didn’t know who most of these people were then.  But nearly every single one of them went on to have long, successful careers.  Many of them still have decent careers…those who aren’t dead, anyway.  Many could easily be considered musical legends.  I don’t even know who 2/3rds of the performers are in the new version, but I’m fairly certain that Miley Cyrus, Julio Iglacias, Lil-Wayne, or Nicole Scherizingeramalamadingdong McTrashyPants from the Pussycat Dolls won’t still be performing 20 years from now the next time they remake this song. 

Musically, there’s just no comparison.  It’s amazing. 25 years of absolutely stunning development in studio technology, and instead of getting better, we’ve just flushed an entire generation of musical talent down the drain thanks to Autotune.

Hey 2010 cast of "We Are the World," I appreciate your intent, I really do.  But that craptastic version of a not-particularly-great song to begin with isn’t going to get me to open up my wallet for Haiti.  I think I’ll just go and download Jennifer Hudson’s performance from the telethon instead.  At least girlfriend actually knows how to sing.