The Good Ole' Theme Songs

I love YouTube.  It’s actually a bit dangerous for me.  I’m not the kind of person who likes to watch TV on his computer.  You’ll never see me stream the latest episode of Lost from ABC.com unless my Cable went out, Tivo failed to record it, and Xbox fails to publish it.  But short little clips?  Oh yeah, I’m all over it.  Especially bloopers.  I can’t tell you how many times I have watched the Friends and Will and Grace bloopers on YouTube.

Tonight, I was doing something that I do often on YouTube late at night: I was trolling for old television shows that make me nostalgic.  I’m 31 years old now, ergo, I believe I am officially old enough to begin reminiscing.  And in said reminiscence, I came to a realization.  The TV shows in the 80s and early 90s had GREAT theme songs.  They were catchy, they were memorable.  They stood very well on their own as musical compositions.  What happened to those?  TV shows today don’t have singable theme songs.  Instead we get Bones’ random noise as "composed" by Crystal Method, the teeth-grindingly annoying So You Think You Can Dance grind-fest, and the omnipresent Law and Order Bass Guitarfest.  The only modern theme song that I would consider even remotely singable is the one for The Biggest Loser, but the woman singing that song has her voice so stuck in her throat it makes my gonads hurt to listen to her.

So, in order to help you both reminisce about some older television shows, to demonstrate the value of the cultural vault called YouTube, and to help prove my point about television theme songs, let me offer up some of my favorites:

First, from the TV Show Blossom

Great theme song…even though I desperately wanted to slap Blossom every single time I saw that scene of her tap-dancing on the grand piano.  If I ever catch someone tap dancing on a shiny black grand piano in real life, I will personally break each and every one of his or her toes.

Then there’s perhaps one of the greatest theme songs of all time: Perfect Strangers

 Don’t be ree-deek-you-lus!  Makes me miss Meepos all over again. 

And, of course, let’s not forget the Disney Cartoons…

The Secret of Gummi Beary Juice?  *ahem* Anyway, the harmony on the chorus of this theme song was where I first learned how to sing in harmony.  I just love the higher harmony soaring over the chorus

 And, of course, who can forget about The Facts of Life

Did anyone else notice that Jo looks like Jillian from The Biggest Loser?

And even the rap song theme songs were "chillin’ out, maxin’ relaxin’ all cool"

Ugh.  Thank goodness Will Smith moved past the flat-top hair phase.  Also, thank heavens that the neon color scheme of the early 90s is dead.  Hypercolor Lime Green T-Shirts were not a good luck for anyone…not least of which a Casper-The-Ghost pale red head with an inferiority complex. Also, this theme song version seems longer than the one I remember from when I watched the show.

 And last, but certainly not least, the best TV Theme Song ever written: The Greatest American Hero

 This show was before my time, certainly, but this song just makes me unbelievably happy every single time I hear it. It even makes me happy to hear the George Costanza version from Seinfeld. 

I miss good TV theme songs.  I miss that feeling of running into the room when the strains of the theme song start playing, and settling down on the couch to watch my show. 

Ah well.  At least I have a Tivo now, so I don’t have to listen to the crap that masquerades as a theme song.  (P.S., can’t you just imagine me in 50 years as a crotchety old man:  "In my day, we had theme songs with melody.  Not like this crap on TV nowadays!")