Kiwi: It’s what’s for dinner

Once upon a time, I used to cook.  A lot.  I used to spend hundreds of dollars on only the best ingredients.  I used to develop recipes, and invent new dishes (my Chicken Caesar Fry Bread Sandwich is one of my all-time favorites).  I’ve been doing this since I was a little kid.  I remember having my friend from across the street, Cary, over to play when I was about nine, and we experimented with frying stuff.  We even tried frying dill pickles in butter.  The best though, was the fried corn bran cereal.  Melt a little butter in the pan, toast the cereal in the butter until it’s warm and toasty, then sprinkle a little cinnamon and sugar over the top.  Hell, I’d still eat it, and I’m 30 now.

I was always baking, too.  When I went over to friend’s houses, we’d make pies.  Susan Miller and I made lemon bars once.  (Her mom used to call me Doogie Howser, because she thought I looked like Neil Patrick Harris when I was young.  I never saw the resemblance, but whatever.)

In college, I became addicted to the Food Network.  In fact, I bought my first TV in college so I could watch Food Network in my room, since my other roommates hogged the TV in the living room.  It wasn’t uncommon for me to feed my roommates.  Braised short ribs, pumpkin gnocchi with a brown-butter sage sauce, huge Thanksgiving dinners in the middle of May, homemade salsas, pasta with lemon-cilantro pesto, the best egg rolls you’ve ever had, an amazing chicken white chili.  Even a couple of years ago, having never made traditional chili before in my life (I don’t really like it), I managed to win a chili cook-off. 

But these days, I don’t cook anymore.  There are a few reasons for this.  First, I hate cleaning the kitchen.  I would rather clean out 1,000 dirty toilets than do dishes.  And don’t even get me started on cleaning the microwave or the oven.  Or the fridge.  Or mopping the floor.  When I cook, I made an epic mess, and since I don’t want to clean it up, I don’t cook.

Secondly, I’m trying to save money.  Cooking is expensive–if you do it the way I do it.  I’m a food snow, so  I need to have the good ingredients.  That’s all there is too it.

Third, I have no time.  It wasn’t uncommon for me to spend three or four hours cooking for people.  I don’t have three or for minutes to go to the bathroom these days, let alone cook for hours. Or clean up (see above.)

Finally, the main reason I don’t cook anymore is because, well, the “Why Bother” factor.  I live alone.  I have no friends.  Nobody ever visits me, nor do I ever go anywhere else.  Why in the world would I go out of my way to cook a huge meal just for me.  I’m not worth that much effort.  I’d rather spend $50 on an amazing dinner in a restaurant.  That way I’d actually save money, it wouldn’t take me 1/4 of the time, and I wouldn’t have to clean up.

But, every now and again, I get the drive for a concoction of mine from the old days and I’ll break out my kitchen equipment.  This weekend was one of those times.  Back when I was on the cruise ship, the kitchen would make a different sorbet every day for the passengers.  I got friendly with the waiter in the staff mess hall, and he would bring me sorbet when I wanted it.  My absolute favorite was the Kiwi sorbet.  I like Kiwi, but it’s even better in sorbet form.  When I got back, I developed a recipe for kiwi sorbet that is just divine.  It’s got that sweet, grassy, tangy flavor of fresh kiwi, coupled with the slightly spicy seeds with make a great little “pop” in your mouth while you’re eating them.

To make this sorbet correctly, you will need an ice cream maker.  I suggest something like this, a countertop model with a core that you can just stick in the freezer.  It requires no ice, no salt, and takes far less time to churn a batch of ice cream or sorbet.  In fact, that’s the exact model I have.  It only cost me about $40.

Matt’s Kiwi Sorbet

8-10 Kiwi
1/2 C. Sugar
1/2 C. Light Corn Syrup
1/2 C. Water
Juice of 1/2 a Lemon (if needed.)
1 raw egg white (optional)

1.  Peel the kiwi and puree in a blender or food processor.  The easiest way I’ve found to do this is to cut the Kiwi in half and use a spoon to scoop out the flesh, but if you want to use a paring knife to peel off the fuzz, that works too.  I recommend that you use Kiwi that are a little under-ripe.  The tartness of the unripe fruit gives the kiwi a little extra kick.  Plus, in the US, it’s always easier to find under-ripe Kiwi than ripe Kiwi.  Your best bet is to go to one of the Warehouse stores like Costco and get one of their clamshell cases of Kiwi.  It’s enough to make a double batch…and you’ll want to make a double-batch.

2. In a small saucepan, put the sugar, corn syrup, and water.  Bring the solution just barely to a boil and make sure that all the sugar is dissolved.  Remove from heat.  Before the syrup has cooled, combine the kiwi puree with the syrup.  The heat of the syrup with cook the puree slightly, making the color a slightly more vibrant green, and sweetening the puree. 

3.  Taste the mixture.  If it’s too sweet, add the juice of half a lemon.  If it’s not, stick in the refrigerator overnight.  It’s imperative that you leave the mixture in the fridge until it is very cold.  Otherwise, you’ll get a very grainy texture.  If you can’t leave it overnight, make sure it’s at least four hours.

4.  Make sure that you’ve frozen the core of the ice cream maker for at least 12 hours.  Turn on the machine FIRST, then pour in the sorbet mixture.  Let it run until the machine starts to labor (about 15 minutes or so).  Then scoop it out of the core, put it into a container, and stick it in the freezer to harden for 2-3 hours before serving.  You technically could eat it right out of the churn, but it’s pretty soft and will melt very quickly.

5.  If you like, you can pour a raw egg white into the churn about five minutes before it’s finished.  This will give the sorbet a lighter, almost fluffy texture (halfway between a sorbet and a meringue).  I don’t particularly like doing this, but it does help to keep the sorbet a touch more scoopable, and gives the sorbet a softer mouth-feel.

6.  Enjoy.

It’s really, really simple to make this, but it is SO good.  (And fat free!)  Learn from me, however.  Don’t eat too much of this at once.  Not unless you really like the decor in your bathroom.  Small portions are good.