One Off

INFJ

Being Existential, Philosophizing 1 Response »

May 082012

Recently, I took an online test that utilizes the Meyers-Briggs method of personality classification. I have never done a Meyers-Briggs test before, and even though this wasn’t official, I found the results interesting. I am an INFJ, which stands for Introverted iNtuiting Feeling Judging. I found this description of the type online, which I found fascinating. The emphasis below is mine.

Introverted iNtuiting Feeling Judging
by Marina Margaret Heiss

INFJs are distinguished by both their complexity of character and the unusual range and depth of their talents. Strongly humanitarian in outlook, INFJs tend to be idealists, and because of their J preference for closure and completion, they are generally "doers" as well as dreamers. This rare combination of vision and practicality often results in INFJs taking a disproportionate amount of responsibility in the various causes to which so many of them seem to be drawn.

INFJs are deeply concerned about their relations with individuals as well as the state of humanity at large. They are, in fact, sometimes mistaken for extroverts because they appear so outgoing and are so genuinely interested in people — a product of the Feeling function they most readily show to the world. On the contrary, INFJs are true introverts, who can only be emotionally intimate and fulfilled with a chosen few from among their long-term friends, family, or obvious "soul mates." While instinctively courting the personal and organizational demands continually made upon them by others, at intervals INFJs will suddenly withdraw into themselves, sometimes shutting out even their intimates. This apparent paradox is a necessary escape valve for them, providing both time to rebuild their depleted resources and a filter to prevent the emotional overload to which they are so susceptible as inherent "givers." As a pattern of behavior, it is perhaps the most confusing aspect of the enigmatic INFJ character to outsiders, and hence the most often misunderstood — particularly by those who have little experience with this rare type.

Due in part to the unique perspective produced by this alternation between detachment and involvement in the lives of the people around them, INFJs may well have the clearest insights of all the types into the motivations of others, for good and for evil. The most important contributing factor to this uncanny gift, however, are the empathic abilities often found in Fs, which seem to be especially heightened in the INFJ type (possibly by the dominance of the introverted N function).

This empathy can serve as a classic example of the two-edged nature of certain INFJ talents, as it can be strong enough to cause discomfort or pain in negative or stressful situations. More explicit inner conflicts are also not uncommon in INFJs; it is possible to speculate that the causes for some of these may lie in the specific combinations of preferences which define this complex type. For instance, there can sometimes be a "tug-of-war" between NF vision and idealism and the J practicality that urges compromise for the sake of achieving the highest priority goals. And the I and J combination, while perhaps enhancing self-awareness, may make it difficult for INFJs to articulate their deepest and most convoluted feelings.

Usually self-expression comes more easily to INFJs on paper, as they tend to have strong writing skills. Since in addition they often possess a strong personal charisma, INFJs are generally well-suited to the "inspirational" professions such as teaching (especially in higher education) and religious leadership. Psychology and counseling are other obvious choices, but overall, INFJs can be exceptionally difficult to pigeonhole by their career paths. Perhaps the best example of this occurs in the technical fields. Many INFJs perceive themselves at a disadvantage when dealing with the mystique and formality of "hard logic", and in academic terms this may cause a tendency to gravitate towards the liberal arts rather than the sciences. However, the significant minority of INFJs who do pursue studies and careers in the latter areas tend to be as successful as their T counterparts, as it is *iNtuition* — the dominant function for the INFJ type — which governs the ability to understand abstract theory and implement it creatively.

In their own way, INFJs are just as much "systems builders" as are INTJs; the difference lies in that most INFJ "systems" are founded on human beings and human values, rather than information and technology. Their systems may for these reasons be conceptually "blurrier" than analogous NT ones, harder to measure in strict numerical terms, and easier to take for granted — yet it is these same underlying reasons which make the resulting contributions to society so vital and profound.

I found the whole thing interesting. I’ve had cause to think a lot lately about my personality and my position in life, and how I interact with other people. Not to be all cryptic and vague…it’s just that there’s another blog post coming about that in the next few days. In particular, I’ve wondered why I have such a difficult time making and keeping friends, and have done my entire life. I have always been envious of people who are able to establish an easy camaraderie with almost any person who crosses their path. My dad is one of those people. I tend to hold everyone at arm’s length all the time, and it’s the rare person that I let get closer to me than a mere acquaintance.

I would be interested in having my friends take the same test (It’s only about 75 questions) and post their results here on the blog. I think it would be fascinating to see how my personality type (as defined by this particular test) interacts with other personality types in real life. Maybe that will give me a better idea of the kind of people I should be trying to find for friends (and perhaps more).

So, if you’ve got a few minutes, head over to this test, and post the results of your personality type in the comments below. http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp

5 Years of Dampness

Being Existential No Responses »

Apr 062012

Last week week was the 5th anniversary of my move to Seattle. It’s a little strange to think about. Five years. It was five years ago that I was packing up a U-Haul in Provo with everything I owned after making an agonizing choice about whether to stay or leave.

Often, in retrospect, many of my decisions seem hasty, suspect, or in many cases, unwise. But, as I have spent time reflecting on the last five years (Don’t you dare start singing, theater people), I came to a startling conclusion: Moving to Seattle was one of the wisest decisions I have ever made.

As much as I complain about the Pacific Northwest (and I do), I love it here. When it’s not raining (and sometimes even when it is) it’s a beautiful place. The people are, in general, more friendly than anywhere I’ve ever lived. And most surprising to me? It’s the first place I’ve ever lived where the people aren’t so insanely judgmental.

My journey over the last half-decade has been a dramatic one. Lots of lows, some highs, and a whole passel of mehs. There has been a lot of soul searching, some gut-wrenching decisions, a fair bit of loneliness. There has also been a great deal of relaxation, fun hobbies, and meeting new friends. I have learned how to be not only okay, but really comfortable with who I am as a person. Since moving here, I have found a peace in my life that I didn’t think would ever be possible.

I miss being close to my family and those few friends who remain in Utah. I find myself missing the theater community more than a little. But if I had it to do over again? In a heartbeat.

One of the reasons I haven’t been writing much in my blog of late, besides being insanely busy with projects, is that I’ve been spending most of my spare computer cycles working on my book. It’s an interesting experience, revisiting your life in such a way. It’s fascinating to go back and read journal entries or look at reminders of specific experiences. But it’s not often that we are able to look back at the arc of our lives, too look through our past holistically rather than piecemeal. When viewed through the filter of “the big picture,” it becomes easier to see how individual events in our lives interact to help form the person we will become. My experience in a musical theater summer camp at Western Michigan University for two weeks between my junior and senior years of high school, for instance, didn’t seem like a life-altering event at the time, but now I can see how deeply the course of my life was affected by what took place during those two weeks. The mission I served, the shows I did, the people I met, the schools I attended, the places I lived, the ordinances and ceremonies in which I took part: they all helped to shape who I am.

Despite that, however, I feel as though my move to Seattle, and eventually Redmond, was a move that helped to not only shape the person I am, but set me more firmly on the course toward the person I want to be. More than anything else I have ever done, the simple, rushed, and uncertain decision to uproot my life and relocate to a strange place where I had no job, no money, no place to live, and only one friend turned out to be one of the best. And sure, you can go back and read about the pain of transition. It was real. My heartache over foolishly following an impossible crush to the ends of the earth was heartfelt. But when the dust settled, I found myself in a place where I could break free of my self-imposed misery and start to thrive.

So, Seattle, thanks for a great five years. I plan on sticking around for a long time. Despite being surrounded by crazy hippies. Despite the staggering amounts of too-polite drivers that don’t understand the rules of a 4-way stop. Despite the six months of dreary grey drizzle. Despite the ludicrously expensive housing, gas, and food. Despite the fact that I can’t find a decent Mexican, Bar-B-Que, or Italian Restaurant anywhere. It will take a lot to make me pack up and leave. I honestly can’t think of a single place I would rather live.

Although it would be awesome if you could stop raining quite so much.

A New Song: Song of Bernadette

Ramblings No Responses »

Mar 182012

Song of Burnadette. Written by Jennifer Warnes, Leonard Cohen, Bill Elliott

So, this is how I spent my St. Patrick’s Day. This is a song I stumbled across several years ago when I was living in Tennessee. I was looking up music performed by the incomparable Jennifer Warnes, who was semi-well-known back in the 80s and early 90s, but has since largely disappeared from the public. You may recognize her voice from several major songs of the time. For instance: Up Where We Belong, I’ve Had the Time of My Life, and Cold Enough to Snow from the movie Life With Mikey. I found her album “Famous Blue Raincoat,” and while I didn’t care for most of the songs on it (I’m not a huge Leonard Cohen fan), I did love this one.

This is only my third attempt at doing a video for a song while I record it, and each time, I learn a little more. This time, I recorded a solo piano track first. Then, once that was finished, I did two vocal tracks. This time, I moved my mic into the living room instead of my studio, because I wanted a different video background, and I wanted to see how the sound would differ if I was in an acoustically live space versus an acoustically deadened space. Plus, you get to see my newly-painted living room. It’s very green…which is fitting, since I recorded this on St. Patrick’s Day.

Once all that was done, I did some extra B-roll footage of my computer screens, mixing board, and sheet music, and edited it all together. The final result is a little…well…cheesy. But that’s okay. That tends to be my style anyway. In any case, you get see how funny I look when I work a studio mic.

Oh yes, and don’t forget that this video includes a special guest appearance by Luke the Dog™ who, much to my eternal surprise, actually managed to stay still for an entire take!

A Tale of Two Customer Service Experiences

Open Letter, Ramblings, Rants, Seriously?, The Technology Whore 1 Response »

Mar 182012

In the world of customer demographics, I am, for the most part, a marketer’s dream come true. I’m a single, middle-class male, age 25-40, with disposable income (theoretically), and a love of the newest and greatest products. I have a significant online social presence and talk about the things I like a lot. I am fiercely loyal to the brands that I feel take care of me. I’m not a crazy bargain hunter, I don’t try to squeeze the most out of every transaction I can, and I treat those who wait on me with respect. In short, I am the kind of customer that almost every single company wants to have.

There’s an old marketing adage that states, “It is always easier and cheaper to keep an existing customer than it is to gain a new one.” This is especially true in the world ruled by social media, because capturing the attention of a customer from amidst the incessant clamor of online reviews, targeted advertising, group deals sites, etc., is a daunting process. Moreover, when you do something well, your success is trumpeted across the interwebs for people to see. If you screw up, your story also gets spread all over creation. Simply type either “good customer service” or “bad customer service” into Google, and see what shows up.

This blog post offers examples of both good and bad service that I experienced over the last few months. It shows how one company really screwed the pooch when it came to customer service, and how another did it right. My little blog forum may not be the most trafficked spot on the web, but I want to reward the company that did well, and do a little public shaming of the company that did not.

*****

On September 20, 2011, the Samsung Epic Touch 4G was released on Sprint. This was to be the latest and greatest Android phone released for the holiday season. It was a top-of-the-line product. My phone at the time, the original Motorola Droid on Verizon, had fallen out of contract, and was in pretty rough shape. I needed to replace it. I had been with Verizon for several years, and had liked my experience. Their customer service had always been good. But, they didn’t have any great phones, and they had just gotten rid of their unlimited data plans, so I decided I would switch over to Sprint.

My experience with Sprint was not a smooth one. I was told by the sales rep that I was eligible for a 20% discount on the monthly plan when I went to go in and look at the phone on the day of its release. However, when I went back the next day to actually purchase the phone, I was put onto the full-priced plan. After I got my first bill, I went back to the store to complain, and I was told that I did not, in fact, qualify for the discounted plan, but the sales person who had set up my account hadn’t bothered to tell me that. I was a little put out, but I didn’t make a big deal of it. After all, it was something meager–$10 a month. Not a big deal.

Other than that little snafu, however, I loved the phone. It was fast, the screen was beautiful, it was lightweight, and it did everything I needed it to. I had a little issue with the GPS, and the camera certainly wasn’t best-in-class, but I’m used to products not doing everything perfectly. (Like my old iPhone not making calls…) I talked about my phone to anyone who would listen, and as a direct result of that word of mouth discussion, two of my co-workers actually bought the exact same phone. Moreover, both of them switched providers in order to do so. If there was any justice in the world, Sprint should have been paying me commission on their accounts.

Only a few days after the phone’s 5-month birthday, I unplugged the phone after charging overnight, and it began to flip out. It kept acting as though I was plugging in the USB cable and trying to connect it to my computer, even though it wasn’t plugged in. I couldn’t even power down the phone without removing the battery. As soon as I replaced the battery, the phone would resume it’s freak-out activities. I took it to the Sprint Store. The tech cleaned it, replaced the battery, and sent me on my way. I took it home and plugged it back in to charge. A few hours later, when I unplugged it again, the phone began to behave in the same way, so I returned to the store once again.

I will continue the story by quoting a letter I wrote to Sprint’s customer support department, italicized for emphasis:

When I arrived at the store and they evaluated my phone, I was told that my phone had corrosion on the charging port and motherboard and that, “the only way this kind of corrosion can happen is if the phone had come into contact with water.” I explained that the phone had never been in contact with water. In fact, in the 15 years I’ve owned cell phones, none have ever been water damaged. The representative said that, perhaps it was due to high humidity…and I pointed out that we lived in Seattle, where it rains constantly. The rep even admitted that when they had taken the phone apart, there hadn’t been any sign of water damage, just the corrosion. Even the water sensor spot hadn’t been triggered. Even my charging cables were free of the corrosion. It was just the micro USB port.

Eventually, the representative explained that only option open to me was to buy a new phone…that my phone couldn’t even be shipped somewhere for repair at my expense because the damage was so severe. She even suggested that I sell it on eBay without disclosing the problem, which I found to be more than a little loathsome. I had purchased the phone five months earlier–it should have been under the hardware warrantee. There is no way for me to prove that the phone had not been water damaged. (You can’t prove a negative.) In researching online, this appears to be a known issue with the Epic Touch 4G. See http://androidforums.com/samsung-epic-4g-touch/503449-phone-thinks-its-plugged-when-its-not.html and http://forums.androidcentral.com/sprint-galaxy-s-ii-epic-4g-touch/152858-corrosion-charging-port.html.

I ended up purchasing a brand new version of the same phone out of necessity, but I was quite upset by the entire experience. I had previously been a Sprint customer in 2003-2004. I had such a bad experience with customer service at that time, that I cancelled my account and refused to pay the early termination fee because I had been blatantly lied to by a customer service rep—a lie which ended up costing me nearly $400. It took until 2011 for me to come back to the company, and I did it specifically for this phone. If the Galaxy S II had been on Verizon, I would have stayed with them. To have another poor experience within mere months of switching providers does not bide well for my long-term relationship with Sprint…

I find it unfortunate that responsible adults are being treated as though they are guilty until proven innocent. My phone wasn’t water damaged. Aside from one small scratch on the upper-right hand corner of the screen, it was still in perfect shape. (In fact, the repair tech actually scratched the screen trying to open the phone.) I simply wish to be treated like a valued customer and not as a devious charlatan trying to get someone else to pay for my mistakes. If I had gotten the phone wet, I wouldn’t have even bothered asking to have it repaired. I simply would have bought a new one. But this was a design flaw or hardware flaw with the device. This could not have been caused by my actions, and I feel as though it would have been only appropriate for Sprint to have taken responsibility for the shortcoming in this particular phone.

That’s right. I was not only forced to spend $500 on a brand new phone to replace one less than six months old that had a factory defect, but I was actually encouraged by the saleswoman at Sprint to sell my old phone on eBay without telling anyone about the problem. (She must have gotten her training from the Bank of America School of Customer Service.) I walked out of Sprint with my new phone, and a very bad taste in my mouth. When my contract is up in 18 months, I will be leaving Sprint again, and this time, for good. As the saying goes, “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” After my initial horrible experience with a lying Sprint Customer Service Rep, I should have known better never to go back. Now I do.

For the record, I sent the letter (actually printed, signed, stamped, and mailed) to Sprint Customer Service over two weeks ago, and have yet to hear back from them. It is my hope that they will take responsibility both for the defective device and the devious nature of their sales people, and do something to make this situation better. I’m honestly not holding my breath, but if they do, then that will go a long way toward keeping me as a customer when my contract is up. It sure seems like it would be cheaper to do that than to spend tens of millions of dollars producing and airing expensive commercials starring Sprint CEO Dan Hess. It is, after all, easier to keep your existing customers than find new ones.

*****

On the opposite end of the spectrum from my experience with Sprint was my experience with a small company called Waterfi.

Back in June, I started swimming again for exercise. I love to swim, but I’ve always had a difficult time with keeping myself entertained while swimming. Swimming laps can be boring, so I purchased an awesome device from Waterfi, an iPod Shuffle that had been taken apart, waterproofed, and put back together. I could clip the ipod on my goggle strap, put in some waterproof headphones, and listen to audiobooks or podcasts while I swam. It was awesome. I even glowed about the product on my blog here: http://www.mattarmstrong.net/wordpress/2011/07/21/i-want-to-pumpme-up/.

When I ordered the iPod, I ordered an entire package which included the device, headphones, and some velcro straps for cable management. The package arrived, but only contained the device, and was missing everything else. So, I emailed the company, and within minutes, I received a response with an apology, and a promise that they would overnight the remainder of the items in my order. Excellent service.

The warrantee on this device is only 30 days, which is understandable. Taking an electronic device underwater can be a little risky. They figure that if something going to go wrong, it will happen pretty early on. I used the iPod for months and months without a single problem. Again, much like with my phone, I glowed about this product to anyone who would listen. As a direct result of my word of mouth, I know three people who have purchased the device, and two more that have it on their wishlist.

In December, I had my iPod clipped to the pocket of my jeans at work. I stood up and started to walk about of my office, but as I passed through the door, I lost my balance, and ran into the door jamb. My iPod got caught on the jamb, and the device got “guillotined.” The clip on the back (which makes up the back panel of the device) got bent, and the waterproofing was ruined instantly. I was not pleased.

Knowing that this was entirely my fault, and that the device was out of warrantee, I contacted Waterfi to ask about the cost of repair, if repair was even possible. If not, I was planning on purchasing a brand new iPod. I liked the product, and I was willing to take responsibility for my own clumsiness. Again, I got a response in mere minutes. “Sure,” said the reply, “Send it in. The repair will be less than $20, if there’s any cost at all.” Encouraged, I threw my device into a padded envelope, and sent it off.

A couple of weeks later, I had a package from Waterfi in my mailbox. “Huh,” I thought. “They must not have needed to charge my anything for the repair.” When I opened the envelope, however, I was flabbergasted. They hadn’t repaired my device, they had replaced it with a new one.

Now, let me do a compare and contrast here.

	Sprint	Water-fi
Problem	Device Manufacturing Flaw	Clumsy Oaf
Caused by	Samsung	Me
Cost to Fix	Wouldn’t Even Attempt	$20 Max
Company Response	Tough Titties. It’s your problem now. Why don’t you try to sell it on eBay?	Here, let us give you a new one—it’s just easier than trying to fix the old one.
Cost to me	$529	Postage to ship a padded envelope
Benefit to Company	Lost a customer. This time for good.	A ton of word of mouth, customer loyalty, and I know what to get people for upcoming birthdays…

I know I’m not alone. Everyone has both good and bad customer service experiences. And, having been burned by Sprint before, I should not have been surprised that it happened again five months into my new contract. (I should never have switched in the first place.) Sprint, you should know better. You should expect better. As the smallest of the “major” cell carriers in the US, you should be doing everything in your power to gain and keep customers. You can’t afford to provide such terrible service. Up until this fall, your devices have been woefully behind those of your competitors. You finally got the iPhone, years after everyone else, and a good Android phone, and then you pull this stunt. It’s pretty astonishing when I can honestly say that I had better customer service from AT&T…and they’re terrible.

And to any other companies out there who may stumble across my little blog rant: learn the lesson. I’m a reasonable customer. I don’t make a lot of demands, or expect a lot for nothing. I just want to be treated with respect. I want you to own up to the mistakes made in your manufacturing chain, or your customer service personnel. If they make a mistake, it’s your job as a business, to take responsibility for that. Even when it’s not your responsibility, sometime a little extra effort engenders an insane amount of goodwill. Going out of your way just a little bit for a customer can win you that customer’s heart for life. If you don’t, you will lose customers, and they may never come back again. I’m not saying the customer is always right. But you shouldn’t assume that they’re wrong.

New Website Address

Ramblings No Responses »

Feb 082012

You may or may not have noticed that the address for this blog has changed. I have moved from http://blog.mattarmstrongmusic.com to http://blog.mattarmstrong.net. Not only is it a shorter web address, but it is also in preparation for moving my entire Matt Armstrong Music site to a new hosting company, and a completely new design. Since I do so much more than music these days, I wanted to update the website pretty drastically. So, be on the lookout for a new site at mattarmstrong.net, and update your links to this blog.

(The old address will continue to work for the time being, though.)

Help Needed: I’m In a Cooking Slump

Food, Health, Living It Up, Ramblings 1 Response »

Feb 062012

I normally like to cook. I used to be quite a good cook. But the last year or so, I’ve hit a rut. I’m so tired of cooking for just myself. It’s so much work for just one person, there’s so much mess, and I have so many other things I’d rather be doing. And it’s not like I could even pass of the work of cooking to someone else. Well, I suppose I can. It’s called the drive-thru. And I’m trying to limit myself lest I end up needing to go through the Drive-Thru in my Hoveround.

(You guys serious have no idea how much I have laughed at this crappy photochop over the last week. Just expect morbidly obese Matt to start making more appearances on this blog.)

I could go on to tie in some big emotional sob story about how miserable it is eating alone and living alone and onmygosh when am I ever going to find anyone who loves me and will help me do the dishes I’m going to die from loneliness. And on a normal day, that’s probably what I would do on a blog post. But I’m just not in the mood. Nevertheless, I’ve got a problem. I literally just fried a bag of sweet potato fries and put them on a plate with ketchup for dinner.

Let me reiterate: I JUST ATE NOTHING BUT AN ENTIRE PLATE OF SWEET POTATO FRIES FOR DINNER. And yes, while sweet potatoes are technically a vegetable, and according to the people who set the rules for school lunches, so is ketchup, it just feels wrong. And, at the same time, so very right.

I still have some chicken enchiladas leftovers in the fridge. I’ve already had them for four meals, and even though I still have half of a pan left, if I have to eat one bite more, I am fairly certain I will projectile vomit across the living room floor. And much like my dog, I’m fairly certain that, rather than puking on the laminate floor, I’ll probably end up puking on the carpet too.

And it’s even worse that we’re in the middle of winter. I try to eat seasonally, and as far as I’m concerned, the only vegetable in season in the winter is Rocky Road Ice Cream. (What? Marshmallows used to be made from a plant called the Marsh Mallow. It counts as a vegetable. Shut up.) I event tried going to Pinterest for ideas, but apparently, its users only ever pin baked goods, the Pioneer Woman’s Creamy Chicken Piccata recipe, and cute pancake ideas for Saturday breakfast. (Oh, and don’t even get me started on Saturday breakfast. The chances of me getting up and cooking a giant breakfast for myself on Saturday morning are about the same as winning the jackpot in the state lottery. Sure, I’ll get up early, spend two hours working on a giant breakfast, and then have to spend most of the rest of the day cleaning up the mess from the breakfast that, by the time I finished making, it was nearly lunch. Great way to start off my weekend.)

So I need help. I know that there are a lot of you domestic stay-at-home mom types who read this blog. Even those of you who work often cook for families, so you have to at least pretend to make healthy food to avoid the guilt of having Shamu-sized children. I need dinner ideas. These dinners should be:

Heavy on the veggies—particularly ones that I can get this time of year (e.g., no tomatoes unless in a can)
Re-heatable
Fairly easy/quick
A little different than usual. I don’t think I could force one more spinach salad down my gullet.

I’m in serious trouble. I looked over my planned menu for the next two weeks and realized that two of the three big dishes I’m going to make (I usually cook a big dinner one night and then eat it for the next four) are super-complicated and messy, and I just can’t do it. I mean, seriously? Who thinks, “Hm. I really like Indian Food. I’ve never made them before, but I like it. I think tonight, after 10 hours of work, I’m going to go through the four-hour process of making Samosas, including making the dough from scratch. And then I’ll eat them for both lunch and dinner for the next seven days. Because I’m sure I won’t get tired of eating spicy Indian food for 10 of my next 15 meals.” I must have been out of my mind. (Thanks again, Pinterest.)

Meal ideas. Please!!!

Where’s my Sawzall?

Hobbies, Ramblings No Responses »

Jan 312012

Yesterday I had an ingrown toenail removed and the nail bed deadened on the left side of the big toe on my left foot for the FIFTH time. And every time I have the procedure done, I’m promised again and again that this time the procedure will work and it won’t come back again. Well, if it does, I have figured out the final solution. I’ll make dang certain that that toenail never comes back again.

That effing ingrown toenail will never come back again, because there won’t be a toe for it to come back on. I’ve been looking for a use for my Sawzall ever since I bought it. The metal-cutting blade should work, right? While I’m waiting to determine if I will need to self-amputate my toe, I’m dealing with the results of yet another $300 visit to the podiatrist which is insurance doesn’t cover because my insurance sucks the giant ogre wankie of doom. I’ve got an open wound on my toe where a giant boil/callus used to be, I’m spending my retirement fund on epsom salts, and lurching around the complex like Gimpy McGimperson while I am “walking” the dog—all the while wishing that I had a Hoveround.

(No, but seriously. How much do you wish that you could just ride a mobility scooter around all day? Not because you had to, but because you could? That would be awesome.)

You may have noticed that I’m not writing as much lately in my blog as I have in the past. There is, in fact, a reason for this that has absolutely nothing to do with an Obese Matt™ riding a Hoveround down the sidewalk in blue fuzzy slippers. I haven’t written in my blog because I’ve been busy writing a book. I started this book project back in September or October, I don’t remember exactly. Last Sunday, I finished the first draft of the book. Right now, it’s sitting at about 440 pages and 105,000 words. I’m in the middle of editing the book right now, but when I edit things, I tend to make them longer. (“Hmmm. I wasn’t very clear here. Let me remove that one sentence and replace it with 12 paragraphs that say the same thing, but in more detail.”)

Once my edit is done, I think I’m going to ship the 593 pages of manuscript to a professional editor to make it presentable. Then I am going to self-publish (at least initially) while I attempt to shop it to publishing houses. I will, of course, also record the audiobook version of the title, and sell it through Open Book Audio. I’ve had several people ask me if they could read it, and the answer is: not yet. Right now, the structure is a complete and total train wreck. I’ll get that fixed and do a quick once-over on proofreading, and then I’ll let select folks read it.

It was actually quite fun writing a book. Memoirs, in general, aren’t as exciting as fiction. But I can actually say that I have written a book. Yay for crossing off one of my Bucket List items. And maybe, after a lot of work, this book will actually be good enough to not be a complete and total embarrassment to all of the people in my life who tried (and failed) to teach me to be at least remotely literate and not write really long run on sentences that don’t really have much important to say.

In other news (I’m piling a bunch of unrelated stuff into a single blog post because I’ve not written anything in such a long time), I have purchased a new domain name. Some douche nozzle has been sitting on the mattarmstrong.com domain name for years and years. They want $1700 to sell it. I will buy that domain name someday when money is no longer an issue for me, but not yet. In the meantime, I purchased mattarmstrong.net and mattarmstrong.me. Over the next several months, I’m going to be moving my entire site (including this blog) to the new addresses. This mattarmstrongmusic.com domain will still work for a good long while, but since I’m doing so much more than music these days (and so little of that) I wanted to get a more generic domain. Besides, when my book becomes a New York Times Bestseller, I want people to be able to find my blog more easily to partake in even more of my clever witticisms.

And except for these things, I haven’t been doing much…except orchestrating and recording a medley of Frank Wildhorn songs for a friend’s high school theater competition, transcribing the chords from a new song I discovered that I want to record, prepping a couple of new books for the Open Book Audio catalog, working a full-time job, cooking up a storm (I made Preztel Rolls the other day, and they changed my life), and crocheting two new afghans. Oh, and I’m just finishing up the final season of Star Trek: The Next Generation on Netflix, and I’m trying to get in about 9-12 miles on the Elliptical each week. (I refuse to buy bigger pants. I will give up on life and wear sweatpants to work everyday before I move up to a 36” waist.) Oh yeah, and I got a bug to start re-learning the guitar again that will probably only last a week or two. And I’m playing Skyrim.

Geez. I seriously need to learn how to relax.

Puppy Playtime in the Snow

Friends, Luke The Dog, Pictures, Work 1 Response »

Jan 182012

The last week has been interesting here in the great PNW. This is an area that is not particularly well know for massive snow falls. In fact, it is not uncommon to not have any snow at all during the winter. Or at least that’s what I’m told. Of the last five winters I have spent here, three of them have had fairly significant snowfall at least once. In any case, about a week ago, we started hearing whispers of a mammoth winter snowstorm that would be barreling down upon us. Soon it was all that folks could talk about. This last Saturday, I was out in the car, and it began to snow, and it snowed hard and fast for a good while. By the time I had gotten home from my trip, there was about an inch of snow on the ground. Folks began to get excited.

Of course, as is often the case around here, snow doesn’t last that long. By Sunday afternoon, all the snow had melted. There were spits of flakes now and again, but nothing major. But, the meteorologists told us, the big one is coming. At work on Monday, folks began making plan for what we would do for the BIG ONE that came on Monday night. Schools were cancelled for Tuesday morning in anticipation. It was all that anybody was talking about. The evening news spent 45 minutes of its 60-minute broadcast talking about snow and how bad it was going to be.

But when Tuesday morning came, I looked out the window and saw green grass. There had been no snow overnight. At least not where I lived. So, I went into work, a little disappointed. I know better than to buy into that whole “excited about snow” thing (it comes from living in Michigan…the novelty wears off quickly). Nevertheless, I found myself buying into the excitement. SNOW DAY! So, it made working on Tuesday all the more difficult, since I had been expected not to have to go.

Tuesday night, after some more flurries here and there, the news folks were still warning about the horrendous snow storm we would be getting. Again, the news spent 45 minutes of their hour-long broadcast talking about the snow we would be getting tomorrow. Again, schools and businesses were announcing closures in anticipation. And again, by the time I went to bed at midnight, the ground was still green.

Fortunately, this morning when I woke up, it was white. We had gotten about 2 inches of snow where I live and got probably another two inches throughout the day. A bit less than the 12-18” that had been estimated, but when it comes to snow, I’ve learned that everyone here exaggerates. I chose to work from home because, hey, everyone else is, so why not. I probably could have come into the office, but since nobody else was there, why bother?

Luke the Dog™ loves the snow. That is, I believe, proof that dogs are, in fact, of significantly lower intelligence than humans. Humans know better. Most of them anyway. Most humans stay at home in front of a fire with a mug of hot chocolate, wrapped up in a soft blanket, and read a book. Or watch movies. Or play video games. Or bake four dozen pretzel rolls on a whim. There are a few mentally challenged individuals, most of the men, who think that being outside in the snow is fun. Some of them even find frozen lakes, cut a hole in them, and sit around for hours like dumb-asses trying to pull frozen fish out of the water. This is, of course, the definition of stupidity.

Had it been up to me, there would have been no outside time at all. Snow is fine through a window. But my deep-seeded dislike of snow was overridden by my even more deeply-seeded dislike of cleaning up dog poop from a shag rug. (They never go on the laminate…always the rugs). So we went outside a few times. During our lunchtime outing, we met up with some of Luke’s friends: Merlin the Dachshund, Gordon the St. Bernard, Peanut the Chihuahua, and Roxy the Rat Terrier. If dogs had the equivalent of a late night house party while your parents are out of town in a bid to become the most popular kid in school, it would be playing in the snow. Watching them play together almost made the fact that I was voluntarily standing out in the snow freezing my Rastafarian nay-nays off seem not insane. Almost.

And, best of all, by the end of the day he was so pooped from all his romping in the snow that I found him sprawled out on my bed, spread eagle, with his tongue hanging out of his mouth and snoring…not unlike a trashy prostitute I…um…knew. Yeah. That’s it…

In any case, chances are I’ll have to go back into the office tomorrow for work because I won’t be able to justify staying home. The snow is supposed to have stopped, and it should begin warming up tomorrow and raining, which will melt the remaining snow quite quickly. It’s all for the best, I suppose. I’d rather do my work at work and my home stuff and home anyway. But I may take the dog into the office with me tomorrow just so I don’t have to drive home to take him out at lunchtime.

So there you have it. The annual Seattle Snow™. May it not happen again until 2013.

Introducing: Charlie

Family, Pictures 3 Responses »

Jan 022012

This year’s Christmas was a little more special than usual, because I got to meet my first nephew. His name is Charlie (Charles), and he was born on the morning of the 28th, at a whopping 9 pounds, 11 ounces. (His older sister was 10 pounds, 13 ounces when she was born.) The plan was to have a natural childbirth this time around, but unfortunately, it didn’t work out that way. He was too big, and up until a few days before the surgery, he was butt down. It also turned out that he ended up having the cord wrapped around his neck twice, so it was probably for the best that the natural birth wasn’t ever attempted.

Both mom and baby are doing well, although he’s dealing with a bit of jaundice right now. But they're both home from the hospital, and now the fun times begin. :)

Welcome to the world, Charlie. I’ve already decided that I’m going to send you your birthday presents on your half-birthday, so they don’t get lost in the Christmas rush. That is, of course, if I get approval from your mom…who I would never dare oppose in matters such as this.

The Finished Afghan

Hobbies 2 Responses »

Jan 012012

So, a couple of months ago, I started crocheting an afghan to give to my sister for Christmas. This started right about the time I was redecorating my apartment and re-teaching myself to sew, all while baking up a storm of Christmas cookies. The timing could have been a little better.

Well, I finally, finally finished it. It took me the better part of six weeks, and about a total of 110 hours, but it’s done. And it’s been given away. I didn’t have it done by Christmas Eve, when we did our gift exchange with my sister’s family, so I ended up having to give her an almost finished afghan, then take it back that same night, and finish it on Christmas day.

In an earlier blog post, I mentioned that I stopped crocheting because I was worried about what other people though of me. I realize now that’s not true. I quit because it takes for-freakin’-ever. I can pretty much guarantee that’s the last time I EVER do an afghan that requires me to make granny squares (or hexagons, in this case) and then stitch them all together. That’s just not going to happen. I may start up another afghan, but it will be one of those zig-zag ones or something like that. These fancy ones take just way too much time.

Older Entries

INFJ

5 Years of Dampness

A New Song: Song of Bernadette

A Tale of Two Customer Service Experiences

New Website Address

Help Needed: I’m In a Cooking Slump

Where’s my Sawzall?

Puppy Playtime in the Snow

Introducing: Charlie

The Finished Afghan

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